Let’s get real, friends. Do you find that when it comes time to get down, you orgasm a little earlier than you’d like to? While there’s certainly no “right way” to have sex, and no time you “should” be going for, I understand that this can sometimes be a point of frustration for people and at times, their partners.
It’s worth stating that there’s no shame in feeling that you might orgasm a little faster than you want to. It’s incredibly common, and the great news is that you can work on changing that (if you’d like).
Just as you’d study to improve your mental fitness, or workout in the gym to boost your physical fitness, you can work on your sexual stamina with a little bit of training. And the training isn’t exactly all that strenuous, either.
For heterosexual males (or people with penises), the best available tool for this is a male masturbator or sex toy that mimics the feel of a vagina. One of the most popular brands is Fleshlight, which is basically a fake vagina inside a solid casing, discreetly designed so it looks like a flashlight (torch) when it’s got the lid on.
So, what’s a Fleshlight?
Fleshlights are as close as you’ll get to a real vagina from a male masturbator toy. Inside the solid casing is a soft, pliable, “Real Feel” sleeve that has been specially designed to replicate the feel of a vagina, so you get a genuine sensation of penetrative sex when you put your erection inside.
To use a Fleshlight, you put some water-based lubricant on your penis plus the orifice entry of the Fleshlight and you also lube up the internal sleeve. Then you insert your erection, hold the solid casing and thrust away as you would during normal penetrative sex. If you want hands-free action you can wedge your Fleshlight between your mattress and the base of your bed, or tape it to a table or other surface.
You can ejaculate safely inside the Fleshlight sleeve as it’s fully washable afterwards. You just remove the sleeve, wash it with water (avoiding soap or chemical-filled cleaners) and allow it to dry before putting it back in the casing. You can buy a renewer powder to keep the material in tip-top condition.
Stamina Training Unit
While there are loads of different Fleshlight sleeves to choose from for everyday pleasure masturbation, there’s a specific one designed especially for orgasm delay training: the Stamina Training Unit (STU). It’s designed to most closely replicate the true sensation of intercourse with its optimum internal 1/2″ (13mm) canal diameter and its realistic texture.
The genius of the STU is that it works both as a pleasurable masturbator AND as a tool to work on increasing your stamina and endurance. You can work on controlling your orgasm without the pressure of satisfying a woman at the same time which is going to make things much more straightforward for you, both psychologically and physically.
How do I “train”?
The essence of the training process is to allow you to learn to recognise when you are going to orgasm and learn how to delay the process. As you enter the STU you’ll notice the smooth, pillowlike texture massaging your penis. The STU bumps rub you on the way in, but the ridges really grab your penis on the way out. The STU has been described as feeling like “little fingers” tickling your penis in an unbelievably intense way. (Remember we told you this was the kind of training you were going to enjoy.)
As you thrust harder and get closer to the point of no return, your penis naturally expands, increasing the sensation of the texture, and magnifying intensity. Then you pass the point of no return, so you orgasm and ejaculate.
By focusing purely on your sensations, you can start to learn when that point of no return is approaching. Then you can stop thrusting, allow the feeling to die right down, and start to thrust again gently. You can repeat this several times until you finally decide to “let go”. The first few times you try it you might not be entirely successful, but that’s the point of training. Repeat the training a few times each week, and you’ll soon find that you’re lasting for longer.
You’ll also find that you quickly learn which style of thrusting is causing a sensation overload and which you can keep doing for longer. That varies from person to person: some people find that shallower thrusting helps them keep going, while other people find that slower, deeper thrusts are less likely to tip them over the edge. Experiment and find out what works for you.
Another bonus is that you may well find your orgasms become stronger. With more build-up before they happen, both your brain and your body are more deeply immersed in the process and the tension, so explosive climaxes could well be the outcome. Result!
If you’d like to keep going with your sexual education, check out this recent piece on how to master the art of dirty talk. It’s another fun one to work on – if you ask us.
Helen Self is a blogger and sex toy expert who writes for Lovehoney Australia.
This article has been updated since its original publish date.