Jolt Yourself Awake With the Siri Voice Swearing at You

Photo: Monkey Business Images, Shutterstock
Photo: Monkey Business Images, Shutterstock

I am not a person who wakes up easily, but I’ve discovered over the years that waking up is, unfortunately, necessary to start one’s day. I’ve toyed with evil alarm clock apps and with garden variety snooze-button-hitting, but just recently I found a game changer: you can get the Siri voice to tell you to wake the fuck up.

You’ll need the paid version of Alarmy to do this, which is about $7/month with a 7-day free trial. (I’m on iPhone, but the app exists on Android as well.) The setting you want is a little bit buried: set an alarm, then scroll down to find these two settings:

  1. Under Show More Options, find the Label and put in the text you’d like the voice to read.
  2. Under Sound, tap Sound Power Pack. Tap that and you can turn on Time Pressure.

Once you’ve done that, a voice will read the date and time, plus your alarm label, every minute until you turn off your alarm.

I learned about this tip from Reddit, where the poster said that they have their alarm labelled “wake the fuck up.” They enthuse: “As someone that lives alone, hearing a voice so early in the morning scares me a bit so it definitely gets me up haha”

To give mine an extra dose of unsettling-ness, I decided to include my name in the label as well.

Once you’ve set that up, check out some of Alarmy’s other features, including the setting where it makes you get up and take a picture of your toilet. For a gentler transition, I prefer the mission where you have to accurately type a few motivational sayings that it provides. In any case, I’m awake now.

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