I have found a new reason to get up in the morning, and that reason is sweetened condensed corn milk. “What the fuck is that?” you may ask. It’s exactly what it sounds like — sweetened condensed milk that has been infused with the greatness of corn.
Look, I am aware that I have a reputation for liking corn too much. I know because I get angry emails about it, but shout at me all you want, I will not be deterred! I will sing the song of glorious corn-flavoured milk every morning, energised by my corn milk latte. (If you must criticise corn milk, please do not use the word “weird.” “Weird” is the most boring word you can use as an insult. Corn-flavoured sweet things are very popular all over the world, and calling them “weird” just exposes how unworldly you are.)
Anyway, I didn’t invent corn milk; my friend and oft-praised cocktail guy Jeffrey Morgenthaler developed it based on a Brazilian drink called “Batida de Milho Verde.” Jeff’s sweet corn iced coffee was supposed to end up on Stumptown cafe menus but — due to anti-corn-in-drinks prejudice — that never materialised.
Luckily, Jeff shared the recipe for sweet corn milk iced coffee on his website, and it absolutely rules (as does his chocolate chip cookie recipe). Corn milk tastes like the milk leftover from a bowl of cereal, except the flakes are toastier and cornier, and the milk is sweetened and condensed (and thus richer, sweeter, and all around more decadent). I am drinking it in my iced coffee right now, and I feel happy, or at least happy-adjacent.
To make sweet corn milk, all you have to do is blend one can of creamed corn (the normal-sized can; not the mini guy) with one can of sweetened condensed milk, then strain it. You now have a sweet, corn-flavoured coffee modifier to brighten your mornings. (It will keep for a week in the fridge, but I know mine won’t last more than four days.) You can use Jeff’s sweet corn milk iced coffee recipe, or add the corn milk to whatever kind of iced coffee you usually make. Then add it to tea. Then use it to make no-churn ice cream. Then drizzle it on cake. Then eat it with a spoon. You are now out of corn milk, and that is sad, but you can make more.