Most women reading this have probably been called “difficult,” “bossy” or “impossible” at some point in their professional career (and likely in their everyday lives). It tends to happen when we do something totally out-of-hand like, oh, asserting ourselves in any way — something men are societally conditioned and expected to do. In response, one person (specifically, a friend of writer Bess Kalb) has figured out a workaround: She created an email account under a man’s name to act as her assistant.
Behold:
A friend’s male assistant is a fake email account she runs because people called her “difficult” and “impossible” for having small windows of availability until “he” started running interference and then people just accepted she was fucking busy. I AM VERY INTO THIS.
— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) July 29, 2020
Set up an email account for a ‘male assistant’
File this under “Things We Wish Weren’t Hacks But Sadly Are.” It shouldn’t take a man telling someone a woman is busy in order for people to believe it. And while it’s unfortunate this is a thing that works in 2020, we have to hand it to Kalb’s anonymous friend — it’s a pretty great idea. It’s also one of those situations where you don’t really have anything to lose. It’s free to set up an email account, and it doesn’t take much time. And if things don’t work out with your “assistant,” you can always lay him off. (No one will question it, given our current economic state.)
Other fake men to add to your fake payroll
After Kalb’s initial tweet, others started chiming in with their own similar strategies:
The receptionist/answering service
Writer Kim Kelly has her boyfriend answer calls she gets from unknown numbers:
This is the genius professional version of how I always get my boyfriend to answer when I get calls from unknown numbers
— Kim Kelly (@GrimKim) July 30, 2020
The negotiator
Others, like Nicole Cardoza, founder of Reclamation Ventures, has a fake male assistant (“Mike”) who does her booking:
I also have one named Mike that handles my booking. It’s funny because he somehow can negotiate for more money on my behalf that I can negotiate on my own…
— Nicole Cardoza (she/her) (@nicolecardoza) July 29, 2020
And while this entire set-up may seem comically ridiculous, Cardoza stresses that it’s anything but a joke — especially for women of colour who are constantly being asked to perform different types of unpaid labour.
People will assume that because they know me through social media or meeting me at an event they can gain access to me and my time at a discount. Negotiating as a Black woman can make us seem angry or hostile.
— Nicole Cardoza (she/her) (@nicolecardoza) July 29, 2020
The co-founder
Apparently, women creating phantom male “co-founders” is also a thing that happens:
Oh you’re gonna love the story of this female owned company that created a “male cofounder” to get through barriers https://t.co/URGTnau4nT
— EmCal ???? (@_emcal) July 29, 2020
Yes, ideally, the patriarchy would’ve been smashed long ago and we wouldn’t have to resort to smoke and mirrors to be treated like competent adults. In no universe should a fake man command more respect than a real woman, but here we are. In other news, congrats to all the fake Mikes, Bryans and Brads out there who are about to get fake-hired. In this economy?
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