How To Make A Frozen Pizza Less Sad

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How To Make A Frozen Pizza Less Sad
Photo: Shutterstock

I am not above eating a frozen anything, much less a frozen pizza, but I cannot help but make modifications. Even the best frozen pizza can benefit from a few tweaks or finishing touches. (This does not apply to Totino’s Party Pizza, which is its own unique, some would say “perfect,” product.)

Drizzle it with honey, honey

I love honey in a savoury situation, especially if that honey is spicy or infused with fermented garlic. A healthy drizzle of the sticky sweet stuff helps temper any aggressive saltiness from commercially produced cured meats, and it makes a great dipper for that last bit of thin, crispy crust.

Use up marinated vegetables

Olives, artichoke hearts, marinated mushrooms, and even sundried tomatoes all work extremely well in this context. The flavored oil from the vegetable drips down onto the pizza, soaking into the crust and permeating the pie with taste. For best results, place marinated vegetables on your pizza once the cheese starts to melt, but before it browns, so they get all warm and juicy. If you’re feeling extra-energetic you can stuff the olives with cheese and waffle them before scattering them on the pizza right when you take it out of the oven. (This is a power move.)

Employ some herbs

A smattering of fresh basil ribbons or a sprinkle of oregano leaves banish blandness and help distract from any non-optimal frozen pizza flavours, and it also makes the pizza look pretty. You can also fry some rosemary if you feel up to it, though even I have to admit that is a lot of extra work for a frozen pizza.

Drape it with charcuterie

Laying thin, cold slices of prosciutto or mortadella across an-oven hot pizza not only tastes amazing—the heat from the pie warms the charcuterie just enough—it protects your mouth from the dreaded pizza scorch. (Regular deli ham works too.)

Build a salad on top of it

In my youth, I really enjoyed dining at a little place called “The California Pizza Kitchen.” One of my favourite “dishes” was a thin crust pizza that came with a tangy pile of greens on top. I felt slightly virtuous because I was eating salad, and the combination of acidic vinaigrette and salty cured pork was divine. At home, I like to keep the salad simple—mixed baby greens or arugula with a vinaigrette and maybe some parm—then dump it on the pizza fresh out of the oven (so the greens wilt just a bit).

Finish with chilli oil

The entire internet seems to be obsessed with chilli oil right now, which makes sense, because chilli oil freaking rules. I am about two-thirds of the way through a jar of this stuff, because it is excellent on everything.

It enhances everything it touches with its vaguely tingly, punchy magic, and a frozen pizza practically begs for it. If you’re feeling a little naughty, try mixing it into some ranch dressing for an absurdly good crust dipper. (Just don’t tell New Yorkers, or anyone from Connecticut; they have no sense of whimsy when it comes to pizza, even frozen ones.)

Comments

  • Obtain McCain Frozen Pizza Slice (those rectangle ones). Cheese and bacon or meatlovers.
    1. Par cook the pizza like 50% of the way so extra added toppings dont leave the original toppings undercooked.
    2. Top with sliced up ham, black olives, extra cheese and italian herb mix. Mushrooms also work.
    3. Return to oven.
    4. Profit.

  • I have tried and tried to make frozen (or not frozen) taste eatable without luck. I can try adding extra toppings, I can try standing on my head, but nothing takes away the dog food taste.

    After eating any brand it takes days for tummy to return to normal. Go on guys; dress up the mutton, make it look like lamb, it will still taste like you wish you never ate it.

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