How To Have A Successful Zoom Date

At this point in the coronavirus pandemic, our lives have moved almost entirely online—and dating is no exception. If you’re actively dating (or at least were before this outbreak started), you may be used to putting in a considerable amount of time and effort into meeting a potential romantic or sexual partner. And just because you can’t meet someone in person at the moment doesn’t mean you have to stop dating.

Now that dating sites and apps like Tinder, Grindr, Hinge and Bumble have become so common—and even the preferred way of meeting people for some—that part of the process remains the same. We have more time than ever to update our profile and swipe left or right, accordingly. But what happens after you match with someone? Well, that’s when you fire up Zoom, FaceTime or Skype and meet the person for a virtual first date.

Given that this may be new for many people, here are some tips from experts as well as people who’ve tried Zoom dating during the pandemic.

The pros and cons of Zoom dating

Before we get into specific strategies, let’s talk a bit about the benefits and drawbacks of Zoom dating. First of all, given that most people in the world are confined to their homes right now, there has never been a better time to try virtual dating.

And in a lot of ways, Zoom first dates are easier than ones IRL. As Taige Zhang, the founder of Fairytrail, a dating app for remote workers and travellers, points out, virtual dates save time and money. There’s no need to get really dressed up, take the time to commute, or even have to leave your home.

Plus, if you’re short on cash, you can have a Zoom date without spending anything, unlike trips to bars or restaurants—and there’s no awkward conversation about who is going to pay. Virtual dating is also convenient: “You can do it on walks, runs, Ubers, airports and even from the bathtub,” Zhang says.

Along the same lines, Shar Fuller, co-founder and relationship expert at Mai Tai, a dating platform for busy professionals, says that people who typically have a difficult time scheduling in-person dates may find it easier to squeeze in a Zoom date. “The dating process might be quicker with you nailing a date in a few days instead of a few weeks because you’re not competing with two busy diaries and a hectic work schedule,” she tells Lifehacker.

And having a first date on Zoom means that you don’t have to deal with the distractions of a busy bar or restaurant, Fuller says. “You can see the person that you’re speaking to, which gives you a better idea of their personality and this will help you to think about compatibility,” she explains. Christiana Yebra, the CEO of Vouch—a dating app where friends and family can vouch for you—says that she sees virtual dating as a win-win for both parties. “Date goes great? You have a future in-person date to look forward to,” she notes. “Date fizzles out? You haven’t wasted money, a great outfit, or experience the awkward goodbye at the door.”

Of course, there are also some drawbacks to Zoom dating. For example, “it can certainly be difficult to interpret physical chemistry from across a screen,” Yebra says. Similarly, some people just aren’t great on a video chat. “There are a lot of people out there who are a blast in person but don’t really do well over video calls,” Kyle King, a dating and relationship coach at BeyondAges, a site that offers dating advice, tells Lifehacker. “They just aren’t great at communicating through video or don’t get the same energy when they’re not in person. These people might seem like a bore on Zoom but in person can be amazing.”

And with any type of technology, there could be hiccups. “Just make sure you have your equipment set up and understand how it works before you schedule a date,” Candee Anaud, author of the upcoming book Love in the Time of Corona tells Lifehacker. “Zoom, like most applications, has online tutorials and YouTube videos designed to teach you how to use it. Do some studying first to make the date go smoothly.” But, as Zhang points out, “if we can work virtually and visit a doctor virtually, we can date virtually.”

So what is Zoom dating actually like in practice? Brendan, 28, a project manager in San Francisco, who asked us to use his first name only for privacy reasons, has tried Zoom dating during the pandemic.

After matching with someone on the Hinge dating app—and the usual messaging back and forth—the person asked Brendan if he wanted to have a Zoom date, since they couldn’t meet in person. “I agreed, admittedly somewhat dubiously, unsure if the excitement and ability to gauge chemistry would translate to video calls,” Brendan tells Lifehacker. “Ultimately, I decided to embrace an ‘if not now, when?’ attitude, and we landed on a time for Saturday evening.”

Though he initially felt tired going into the date, after having multiple Zoom meetings already that week, he says that the virtual date didn’t feel all that different from an in-person first date. Overall, Brendan says that he “would definitely be open to first dates over Zoom,” but that he’d struggle to imagine having second or subsequent dates virtually.

Tips for a successful Zoom date

If you’re new to virtual dating, here are a few pointers from experts to help get you started:

Remember that the camera goes both ways

It’s easy to forget that the person you are talking to can see you too. “When we talk on the phone, multitasking is common,” Eric Resnick, a dating profile writer and online dating expert at ProfileHelper tells Lifehacker. “We might be playing a game, checking our email, or surfing the web. That’s fine because the other person can’t see you. On a video chat, it just looks like you are distracted and like you don’t really care about the conversation.”

Don’t take things too seriously

Given that we’re in the middle of a pandemic, it can be easy to transfer that serious attitude into your dating life, King says—but don’t do that. “Dating, especially in the early stages is all about getting to know new people and finding connections,” he notes. “If you take things too seriously too soon you are going to drive a lot of people away.”

Set boundaries

Before you start dating via Zoom or another video platform, be sure to set boundaries when it comes to your safety and personal information. “In the virtual world, there can be issues of people recording you without you knowing,” Amie Leadingham, a certified dating coach tells Lifehacker. “So make sure you keep it clean, hold the hot and heavy till after the lockdown has been lifted and you can meet in person.”

Acknowledge any awkwardness

Any first date has the potential to be awkward, and Zoom dates are no exception. Chloé Miller, the founder and CEO of And Swipe Right, an online dating consulting service, recommends starting by acknowledging that a Zoom date may not be ideal, and may potentially be uncomfortable. Not only does that address the elephant in the virtual room, but it also allows for both parties to have their first bonding moment together. “Having this honest conversation levels the playing field for both individuals,” Miller adds.

Clean your place!

Yes, dating from home is convenient, but it also means that someone will be able to see the inside of where you live. “Dates don’t usually get to see your home environment until a couple of dates into a new relationship,” Resnick explains. “Now your home is the location of the first date. Make sure it doesn’t make a bad first impression.” But if you don’t feel like cleaning, you can always go with one of Zoom’s many backgrounds and not have to worry about it.

Lighting matters

Though low-lighting might sound sexy, there’s nothing sexy about someone having to squint to see you. “If you are in a dark room and your screen is the main source of light for the chat, you are going to look pale, washed out and unhealthy,” Resnick says. “Keep the lights on, or, if it’s during the day, go outside.”

Have a definitive end time for the date

As our Lifehacker senior technology editor David Murphy points out, using Zoom for a virtual date means you likely have access to one key feature: the session automatically cuts off after 40 minutes if you both have the free version of the program. This offers a built-in escape not found on other sites.

Even if you’re not using Zoom, or have one of their fancy paid plans, it’s a good idea to set an endpoint for the date. “Since you’re both already at home and don’t have to worry about transportation, there will be no impetus to bring the date to a close,” Dave Bowden, a dating coach for introverted men tells Lifehacker. “To get around this, set a hard finish time at the start so that both of you go in with the same expectations for length. If you’re having a great time you can always blow it off and keep talking, but if you’re not feeling it you can use the pre-arranged time as a hard out to get off the call without seeming abrupt.”

Have realistic expectations

Given the limited interaction we’ve had lately, it can be easy to get your hopes up about a date—but try not to. “Technology is a fantastic resource, but it will never substitute the nuances of face-to-face interaction. And because dating is invariably vulnerable, the lack of face-to-face contact can make such closeness feel challenging,” Nicole Arzt, a licensed marriage and family therapist at Family Enthusiast tells Lifehacker. “Realistic expectations means being flexible and adaptive; it also means being creative and open-minded with how you approach dating.”

Suggestions for Zoom dates

Have a virtual date lined up, but not sure what to do? Of course there’s the obvious—having a conversation and getting to know each other. But if you’re beyond that point and want some type of activity to provide some structure to the date, the experts we spoke to had several suggestions, including:

• Using your creative skills to make something that can be exchanged after the lockdown

• Sharing your screen and going for a virtual museum tour

• Playing a board game online

• Taking a class online together

• Doing virtual karaoke

• Going for a walk together (using the digital app or FaceTime)

• Having virtual dinner and/or drinks

• Watching a movie or comedy special together on Netflix

• Playing a trivia game

So if you’ve been on the fence about whether to sign up for an app and do some virtual dating while you’re stuck at home, we hope this helps a little and provides some clarity. At this point, you really don’t have a lot to lose, so even if you’re someone who never thought they’d use dating apps, you now have the perfect excuse to take them for a test drive.