Spanking the monkey. Adjusting the pink curtains. Jerkin’ the gherkin. Slapping the oyster. Beef strokenoff. While we all love a good euphemism for masturbation, it’s not something that most people talk about freely. This has given rise to a lot of misinformation, particularly when it comes to health. So is self-gratification good for you? Or do abstainers have the right idea?
The AsapScience video below attempts to tackle this sticky question. Contrary to what puritanical parents would have us believe, whacking the weed can lead to a range of health benefits – ranging from improved sleeping patterns to reduced menstrual cramping.
One study found males who frequently badger the one-eyed witness had a lower chance of prostate cancer compared to abstainers. They also produced more powerful sperm during copulation. Oh, and you definitely won’t go blind. (If you’re male, just try not to aim at your eyes.)
You can check out the rest of the health benefits in the video below. Also, while we’re all here, what’s your favourite euphemism for male and female masturbation? I’m going to go with “Hand-to-glans combat” and “diddle the skittle”. Classic.