So you’ve done a little exploring with your fingers, and now you’re ready to take your anal play to the next level. There are a lot of fantastic anal sex toys out there just waiting to take a trip up your butt. Here’s everything you need to know about putting a foreign object in your anus.
Illustration by Jim Cooke.
Picking Your First Toy
There’s a whole world of anal sex toys out there. Most of them fall into three categories:
- Plugs. These are designed to be inserted into your rectum and left in place. You can also move them in and out if you’d like. This cutie is a fantastic toy for a beginner. The small version is $11, so it’s no skin off your back if you don’t end up liking it.
- Vibrators. Some toys have built-in vibrators for even more stimulation. The LELO Billy is an investment at $120, but it’s a high-quality product.
- Beads. Somewhat resembling a pearl necklace, anal bead sets are meant to be inserted into the rectum and slowly pulled out. Sometimes the beads are graduated in size, so they get bigger the further up the chain you get. This strand is a steal at $US12 ($16) (though that doesn’t include shipping to Australia so you might want to shop around).
- Dildos. These are typically used with harnesses to stimulate P-in-A intercouse. The small version of this dildo is great for beginners.
Here are some other important characteristics to look for in an anal toy:
- Made of body-safe materials. Only the highest-quality for your dainty lil butt. Look for medical-grade silicone or stainless steel.
- Flared base. Your anal sphincters are quite strong, and they can pull sex toys up into your rectum. To spare yourself the embarrassment of a trip to the ER (although having an X-ray of a toy in your butt would be pretty cool), make sure your toy has a flared base, meaning that it’s wider at the bottom of the toy than at the tip. This Tantus Neo is a prime example of a flared base.
- Thin. You can always go bigger later, but your first toy should be relatively slender.
If you’re brand new to anal sex toys, I recommend a simple, inexpensive plug like this one (also linked to above) or the Little Flirt by Tantus. They’re great for solo use since they can be inserted and left in place, or jiggled around a bit if you’re dextrous. If you want to go classy, these njoy plugs are incredible. If you’re a lady, you may like an njoy wand; it doubles as both an anal and G-spot stimulator, so all is not lost if you don’t end up liking the anal action.
Putting It in Your Butt
If you haven’t already, you should explore your anus with your fingers before you even consider a toy. Get to know the area a bit before you start putting stuff up there!
Any toys that are going into your butt need to be thoroughly cleaned before (and after) penetration. Hot water and soap are usually sufficient, but you can also find antibacterial sprays specially formulated for sex toys, like this one from Wicked. Some toys can also be sterilised by boiling them (or even putting them in the dishwasher); check your toy’s manual for specific instructions (and ya know, maybe don’t toss your dildo in the dishwasher if you have roommates around).
For your first foray into anal sex toy land, think about whether you want to be the one holding the toy, or if you’d like your partner to do it. If you’re nervous, I’d suggest being the one to hold it, since you’ll have more control. A partner has the advantage of being more dexterous, but you’ll have to make sure to communicate with them about what feels good and what doesn’t.
Next, find a position that gives you good leverage. The arm that’s operating the toy will need to stretch further than you usually do when you masturbate. Sitting up in bed with some pillows propped behind you is usually doable. If you’re with a partner, they can sit between your legs. You want to be relaxed and turned on before venturing backdoor. One of the challenges of using anal toys is getting your muscles relaxed enough for penetration,so do whatever tickles your fancy: put some fingers up there, masturbate, get your partner off, watch porn, fantasize, you know the drill.
Make sure you have your trusty lube nearby. If you’re using a silicone toy, you’ll need to use a water-based lube (silicone lubes can break down the silicone in your toy). If you’re using a stainless steel toy, you can go for silicone or water-based lube. This Toy Love lube from Wicked is thick enough for anal action, and perfect for use with silicone toys since it’s water-based.
Next, whoever is wielding the toy should pick a designated butt-hand. You want to be careful not to get faecal bacteria in your other orifices, so use just one hand to touch your arsehole, and keep it off-limits from any other activity. Put a 10c-coin-sized amount of lube on your fingers, and apply the lube to your anus. You can push your fingers in a few inches to get some lube inside and prepare yourself for the toy. Then thoroughly saturate your toy with lube. You want it so lubey that it practically slips out of your hand. Lube is your friend when it comes to anal, and you really can’t use too much. For peace of mind, you can put a towel under your butt to guard your sheets against lube spillage.
Holding your toy in your butt-hand, press the tip of the toy against your anus as you continue masturbating. Just hold it there for a few moments while your body adjusts to the pressure. When you feel ready, gently push the toy in about 2.5cm or less, then hold it there. If this feels painful or like there’s too much resistance, slowly pull the toy out. Hold it against your anus while you keep masturbating. You can also add a little more lube if you feel like the toy is tugging at your skin or not gliding smoothly. If all systems are go, slowly slide the toy further in, an inch at a time, taking breaks to hold it in place and keep masturbating. Once it feels like the toy is fully inserted, try taking your hands off of it. Some toys will stay in place snugly, while others may get pushed around a bit by your sphincters. If it feels like your butt is pushing your toy out, just hold onto it to keep it in place. If your toy has a flat base, you can sit up a bit so the base comes in contact with your bed and keeps the toy inside. You can keep the toy stationary, and enjoy the sensation of fullness it creates. Or try moving it in and out or around in circles.
When your orgasm, your muscles will contract, and will attempt to push the toy out. This is where having a towel beneath you comes in handy! You can let your body do its thing without having to scramble to catch the little plug being shot out of your butthole. The sensation of the toy coming all the way out of your arsehole can feel a little bizarre, so just take a deep breath. If it doesn’t come out on its own, ease it out slowly. You may be tempted to pull it out quickly, but doing so feels a little too similar to pooping, so take your time.
If you’re using a toy with a partner, you may notice that the anus stays agape after the toy has been removed. This will be especially noticeable if you used a girthy toy. Don’t worry, your butthole will return to its usual puckered state in just a few minutes. Just pretend it’s saying “WOW!”
Wrap your toy up in your towel or in some tissue, and take it to the bathroom to clean and sanitise it. Don’t forget to wash your hands with soap and water, especially before touching other parts of your or your partner’s bodies.
Congratulations, you’ve now leveled-up in your anal adventures!
This is the second in a multi-part series from Lifehacker about anal play. You can see the other posts in the series as they come out here.