Use TouchTunes To Hassle Your Local Bar When You’re Not There

Gaining control of the jukebox can go to one’s head, particularly if that head is a little drunk. You can use this power for good, and play a song everyone will enjoy (like “Operator” by Jim Croce or “Dan Bilzerian” by T-Pain) or you could play “Monster Mash” 13 times in a row. You don’t even have to be in the bar.

TouchTunes—a popular digital juke box system—is controlled using an app. You can use this app to play music in the bar you are sitting in, or you can use it to play music in a bar you are not sitting in. This means you can force people to listen to a bad song without hearing a moment of it. All of this hinges on whether or not the bar in question has TouchTunes, but it’s a fairly popular system. To find participating bars near you, simply download the TouchTunes app, and open it to see a list of bars nearby. Once you have a target in mind, purchase some credits. Five bucks will get you 12 credits, $US10 ($15) will get you 24, and $US20 ($29) will afford you 48.

You now have some fiscal decisions to make, and how you proceed will probably be influenced by how wicked you’re feeling. For four credits, you can play your song next, and you can keep paying four credits to play your song next for as long as your budget will allow. Maybe you want to play one fairly annoying song five times, or one extremely annoying song once, or three very long Phish songs with no breaks betwixt them. It’s all up to you and your evil mind. (Be careful with Phish, however, some freaks would love nothing more than to hear three super long Phish songs, and one would hate to accidentally bring joy to those people.)