You do not have to be a capital-F Food Writer to write excellently about food, an enthusiasm for the subject and a way with words is enough. Case in point: bestselling author Chuck Wendig’s yearly heirloom apple reviews — a vastly entertaining and thoroughly educational romp through the world of apples.
SUMMER PEARMAIN: soft like dadbod, gently flavored of the forbidden kisses between a pear and an apple, juicy but not overmuch, probably still watches FRIENDS reruns on Netflix. Pleasant, but just. Also not much fun. This is a marry apple, not a fuck apple.
— Chuck Wendig (@ChuckWendig) August 13, 2019
“This is a marry apple, not a fuck apple.” Honestly, that is the best sentence I’ve ever read about apples, and I am jealous I didn’t write it. Besides opening my eyes to the vast and varied universe of heirloom apples, these reviews are a bright spot in the dark and dank morass that is my Twitter timeline, and you should smash that follow button (unless you’re already following him, in which case don’t smash anything, as you might accidentally unfollow him).
AND SO CONCLUDES THIS YEAR’S HEIRLOOM APPLE REVIEW AND wait what’s that
there’s like three months of this shit?!
what the fuck
well all right I guess we are all trapped in this Apple Prison and we will not be free until I review ALL the apples, sorry, I don’t make the rules
— Chuck Wendig (@ChuckWendig) August 5, 2019
Chuck started this year’s review earlier this month, so you have a little catching up to do, but don’t worry, we are early days here, leaving you plenty of time to hang out in Apple Prison, discovering new and exciting apples (and maybe making Apple Prison wine?).