Never Veto A Plan Without Suggesting A Better Option

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Making plans with your friends, loved ones, and romantic partners should be a straightforward process, maybe even an enjoyable one. And yet, so many people are absolutely god awful it, muddying the waters with dithering, failure to grasp or account for basic details, poor communication skills, and sheer laziness.

I can’t pretend to be able to fix all of that with one blog post, but I can try to wipe out at least one common, inexplicable scourge with a basic request: if someone you’re making plans with suggests something that doesn’t work for or appeal to you, go ahead and say so!

But if this is actually a person you want to see, and you’ve vetoed something they’re suggesting, the onus is 100% on you to suggest an alternative option. If you don’t, the other party (or parties) involved in your planning have every right to assume that you a) have no real interest in spending time with them, or b) are too much of a pain in the arse to bother with, and should be excluded from future hangs altogether. Fair is fair.

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We can even walk through a few examples of how this might play out, if it’s not immediately intuitive. Don’t feel like going to the neighbourhood being suggested? OK, what’s an alternate location that’s mutually convenient for you and whoever you’re making plans with? Secretly loathe bowling or whatever? Totally understandable, maybe there’s a different activity everyone might enjoy (and maybe your friends will even pitch in to find one if you level with them about your feelings)?

Not in the mood for pizza? Totally cool, but what’s something else that you would like to eat? And where are some restaurants in everyone’s price range where you might be able to acquire that thing? (If you’ve got picky food rules or are on a special diet, these rules apply to you tenfold. Accommodating your needs is your responsibility, not everyone’s else’s. God!)

Here’s an easy one: does the date or time on the table not work with your schedule? All good! Suggest some alternatives! And so on and so forth. Holding up your end of the social contract sometimes requires a little extra effort and consideration, even if you’re texting and in a hurry. If this is too much to handle, maybe it’s best you just stayed home.


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