The Lazy Person’s Guide To Giving Great Blowjobs

The Lazy Person’s Guide To Giving Great Blowjobs

Because it’s the end of the week and we’re all bloody tired, I’m here to teach you how to give a lazy blowjob. First, some caveats: Penises are awesome, blowjobs are fun, and it’s important to be as generous and giving with your partner as you would like them to be with you.

But sometimes it’s late, you’re tired, and you just want to get your partner off without a tonne of effort. Here are some ways to give a great blowjob, the lazy way.

Ask Your Partner to Masturbate for You

If you want to speed the process along, ask your partner to masturbate for you. The further they get themselves along their path to orgasm, the less work you have to do. Most people don’t masturbate in front of each other, so the novelty of it can also work in your favour. You get to have an incredibly exciting and erotic experience rather than asking your partner, “Can you hurry things along?”

Lie on Your Back

The most common blowjob position is the partner with a penis on their back, and the partner giving the blowjob kneeling and hovering over the penis. This is a challenging position that gets uncomfortable quickly. Instead, try lying on your back, and having your partner straddle your face. Tell your partner to stay still, and let you do the work. Again, novelty works in your favour here. A lot of people don’t do this position, so it will feel thrilling to your partner.

If you really trust your partner, and you guys have good awareness of each other’s boundaries, you can take the laziness factor up a notch by asking your partner to thrust into your mouth. You’ll have to do even less work, and they’ll have even more fun. But it’s easy to activate your gag reflex doing this, so again, it’s important that you only do this with a trusted partner.

Or Try Sitting

Get yourself cosy on a chair, sofa, or sitting on your bed with your back against the headboard. Ask your partner to stand or kneel in front of you, straddling you. You can stay comfortable while your partner does the majority of the work staying in position.

Use Your Hands

Your hands are your best friends for any blowjob, lazy or energetic. I’m always surprised by how many people think blowjobs are only supposed to involve the mouth. If you rely on your mouth too much, you’ll tire yourself out pretty quickly. Your jaw will start to ache and and your tongue will get tired. If you’re trying to get the penis far down your throat, you’re also likely to trigger your gag reflex.

Your hands are an essential part of a great blowjob, and work in tandem with your mouth. Your hands provide firmness, pressure, and a sense of envelopment, while your mouth provides wetness and softness. When you’re giving a lazy blowjob, your hands can take on the majority of the work. You want to put your hands to work on the shaft of the penis while your mouth focuses on the head. Here’s the basic technique: wrap your hand around the shaft of the penis, forming a loose fist. Bring your lips to meet the top of your fist, so they’re essentially kissing your thumb and index finger. Move your mouth and hand up and down the shaft in tandem, as if they were glued together.

Use a Toy

Another way to speed your blowjob along is to use a toy. Let a motor take on some of the work for you. The best tool for the job is a vibrating cock ring, like the JeJoue Mio. These toys are meant to be worn at the base of the penis. Vibrating cock rings house a small vibrator. A little extra vibration along the base of the penis can be extra pleasurable for a lot of men.

Go to the Back Door

Incorporate anal play. Before you ask ” yes, straight men can enjoy anal play while still remaining straight as an arrow. The taboo around anal play is slowly but surely decreasing, which is great since the anus is a source of tremendous pleasure for all genders. A little added anal stimulation can make your partner orgasm so much faster.

As with any other sexual activity, if you want to try anal play, it’s important to get your partner’s consent first. If your partner seems shy or squeamish, let them know you’re excited about venturing backdoor. (Just don’t mention that part of your motivation is your laziness!)

[referenced url=”https://www.lifehacker.com.au/2017/10/how-to-play-with-testicles/” thumb=”https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/t_ku-large/bifd0ccz2re4odon8xfg.jpg” title=”How To Play With Testicles” excerpt=”Art by Jim Cooke/GMG

A lot of people get squirrely about the testicles because they’re afraid of hurting the guy attached to them. Testicles are sensitive, true, but that can work both ways — handling them can also be extremely pleasurable for the testicle-haver. Here’s your guide to playing with testicles.”]

When the time comes, put a dab of lube on the index finger of your non-dominant hand. The anus doesn’t self-lubricate, so added lubrication is necessary. Silicone-based lubes like Pjur Original tend to be best for anal play. As your dominant hand and mouth are at work on the penis, slip your non-dominant hand around to your partner’s arse, and gently press your fingertip against their anus. That alone can be enough to send a lot of people over the edge. If your partner seems to want more, slowly and gently press your fingertip into their rectum. You can leave it inserted, or move it in and out.

Be a Tease

Finally, if your partner is typically able to orgasm from a blowjob (not everyone is!), here’s another evil trick to try: start it but don’t end it. Tell your partner, “That’s all you get for now.” You can tell them you’ll finish the job later, or you can be truly evil and tell them they have to do something for you in order to motivate you to finish. Just don’t let the power get to your head too much!


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