Look. You’re about to make a feeding trough of bread and probably put dip in it, so it’s best you level with yourself. Look at the face on your head in the mirror and say “I’m going to make a double bread bowl now”, to completely free yourself from every last bit of ego.
Step 1: Abandon all hubris (and get some bread)
Next, go to the bakery and buy a fairly large, oblong piece of bread (not a baguette), like a French boule, thicc batard, or loaf of sourdough. Size does matter here and big bread energy isn’t enough; the loaf really does need to be quite large.
Step 2: Make the bowls
Using a sharp, thin blade — not a bread knife, because we aren’t slicing — carve out two 7.5cm holes about 4cm apart. Pull out the bread plugs and eat them or set them aside to eat later.
Pull out more bread until you have two voids big enough to hold the amount of soup and cheesy noodles you would like to put in your body. Use the torn-out bread bits to make croutons by frying them in butter. Take care not to break the wall in between the two bowls for that would be a disaster. (No, it wouldn’t.)
Step 3: Fill the holes
So, uh, now it’s time to just shove food inside more food. If you’re worrying about the soup soaking through the bread, you can paint the carb chasm with a little room temperature butter (or mayo) to create a hydrophobic layer, or you could lay down some cheese slices I guess. It doesn’t matter. None of this matters.
Ladle hot soup into one side — this baby held a whole can — and spoon macaroni and cheese into the other, then garnish it to try and make it look respectable. Grab two spoons, find a buddy to share your creation with and realise that you’ve never been more alone.