How To Enjoy A Threesome [NSFW]

Illustration: Jim Cooke, GMG

A while back, I wrote about how to set up a threesome. Today I’m going to talk about the nuts and bolts of how to actually enjoy your threesome in the moment.

Even though threesomes are one of the most popular fantasies, they can be remarkably tricky to pull off. Adding a third set of boundaries, preferences, desires and limbs can create a much more complicated reality than the fantasy you may have had in mind. Here’s how to make your threesome as enjoyable as possible.

Review Your Boundaries

In my article about setting up a threesome, I recommended spending a lot of time getting clear with yourself and your partner about your boundaries for the threesome, such as what specific activities are on and off the table for you. If it took a while to actually find your third and set a date, it’s worth reviewing those boundaries again to make sure they’re fresh in your mind.

How To Set Up A Threesome With Your Partner (NSFW)

A threesome very well may be the most common sexual fantasy - but as common as it is, it's tricky to make happen in real life. Here's your guide to turning this fantasy into a reality.

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You also need to share your desires and boundaries with your third, and have a discussion about how all of those needs fit together. Just start with this simple question: “What are you hoping for?” You can even plan out your entire threesome beforehand.

A lot of people baulk about the idea of having to have these discussions, but it’s absolutely crucial for having a successful and pleasurable threesome. Plus, it can be really hot to walk through the details of what you’re going to do together.

Consider Going Easy Your First Time

A lot of people think that they have to dive into the deep end and do anything and everything during their first threesome. Threesomes can be hard to come by, so it’s understandable to want to complete your bucket list as soon as you’re able to get one set up.

But just as you may have eased into your first times with other sexual activities, you can ease into threesomes. A cuddle or make-out session might be a great way to feel into your chemistry with each other. Going slow can help you navigate these new boundaries, feel less anxiety and performance pressure, and enjoy yourself more.

Stay Sober

If you’re feeling nervous about your threesome, you might be tempted to turn to alcohol or drugs to calm yourself. Or you might think your threesome will be more enjoyable if you’re high. But I highly, highly recommend being sober, at least for your first threesome.

Threesomes can be surprisingly complex and evocative. Being drunk or high impairs your judgement, makes communication more difficult, and makes it harder to be in tune with your own comfort levels. One drink to calm your nerves might be OK, but you don’t want to feel drunk or even tipsy.

Be Safe

People sometimes forget that the usual safe sex rules need to apply during a threesome, so let me remind you: The usual safe sex rules need to apply during a threesome! If you want to drastically reduce your chances of pregnancy or sexually transmitted infections, you have to wear condoms and use dental dams.

It’s a good idea to talk about your STI status with each other. If penetration is involved in your threesome, don’t dip from one partner’s anus or vagina to the other partner’s without changing a condom. Don’t share toys unless you’re using and swapping out condoms with them. Don’t move from an anus to a vagina without washing up or changing a condom.

Expect Awkwardness

Most people who have threesomes report that they didn’t realise it would be so awkward in the moment. You are’t going to know exactly what to do every single moment of the interaction. There are a lot of limbs to contend with in a threesome, and you’re probably not going to be able to have all three of you engaged with each other at all times. Expect that there will be awkwardness, and you’ll be fine.

Keep Checking In

Any time three people do anything together, there’s always going to be the possibility that someone is going to feel like the odd man out. Try to be sensitive to those dynamics, and make sure everyone feels involved.

Throughout your threesome, keep talking to each other, make sure everyone is enjoying themselves. Remember that preferences and boundaries can change in an instant. Like I mentioned above, so many people think that communication “ruins” sex, but that just isn’t the case. Communication is absolutely necessary for having safe and pleasurable sex, and it can be really hot too.

Emphasise Aftercare

Before having your threesome, make a plan for what you want to do afterwards. If you’re in a relationship, are you open to letting your third spend the night? Do you want to have a private check-in with your partner? At the very least, take a few minutes to ask each other, “How was that for you?” Attend to any feelings or reactions that may have come up.

If everyone’s feeling satisfied, going out for a bite to eat or a drink can be a nice transition back to into the world.


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