Parenting can feel like a long practice in trying not lose your shit. You will fail sometimes. That’s OK. The best thing you can do is accept that it happens and find ways to mitigate the explosion.
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If you are fortunate enough to have a co-parent, establish a “tagging out” system, as discussed in Reddit’s parenting community. It’s exactly what it sounds like. When one parent is about to lose it (or already has), that parent can “tag out” and the other parent will take over, no questions asked.
(Of if a parent sees that their partner needs a breather, they can say “You need to tag out right now” and tag themselves in.)
One redditor and her husband have their own tagging-out code word — they blurt out “pizza time” when situations with their toddler and infant become too much to handle. Hey, whatever works.
Having the system helps. Lifehacker writer Leigh Anderson uses it with her husband in the heat of major battles with their children. “We may not have dealt with the kids’ behaviour, but we’ve at least reduced the number of angry bodies in the room,” she writes.
You should, however, set a few ground rules. There shall be no taking advantage of the tagging out arrangement. A parent can’t tag out in the middle of a heated punishment because they just remembered there’s a new episode of Westworld. Also, the parent tagging in should not feel resentful when they do so — the whole purpose of the system is to ease the emotional load on both parents and hopefully create a calmer, happier home environment.
Nobody can be at their best at all times. Everyone needs support. And sometimes, to be all in, you first need to tag out.
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