How Men Can Have An Ejaculation-Free Orgasm 

Men have long bemoaned the idea that women can have multiple orgasms, but men can't. Men, after all, have to deal with the frustrating refractory period - after an orgasm, their penises stay limp no matter how much they try to coax them into action. Their energy levels are depleted, anyway, and they often just want to sleep.

Illustration: Chelsea Beck (GMG)

But men actually can have multiple orgasms - as long as they separate their orgasm from the physiological experience of ejaculation. Here's how to learn how to orgasm without ejaculation.

What's an Ejaculation-Free Orgasm?

Orgasm and ejaculation often occur in tandem for men, which leads a lot of men to thinking they're the same process. But they aren't. It is possible to separate the experience of orgasming from the experience of ejaculating.

Learning how to separate orgasm from ejaculation takes a lot of effort, determination, time and practise. It isn't something you're going to learn overnight. For some men, it may not be worth it. You may also find that focusing so heavily on trying to orgasm in a very specific way takes the fun out of orgasm. But fortunately, many of the techniques you need to use to learn how to have an orgasm separate from ejaculation are techniques that are beneficial in and of themselves.

Exercise Your PC Muscles

Your PC muscles need to be in good condition to help you separate orgasm from ejaculation. Your PC muscles are one of the primary ways you'll control your orgasm.

If you've never exercised your PC muscles before, the first step is finding them. The next time you're urinating, try to cut off your flow of urine before your bladder is empty. The muscles you'll need to use to do that are your PC muscles. It will feel like a vague "pulling up" feeling.

The basis of a PC exercise is squeezing, releasing, and gently bearing down on those muscles. You want to make sure you're not flexing your ab, butt or thigh muscles. Just the PC muscles.

The basic routine that I teach is to practise short pulses and long holds. For the short pulses, you simply squeeze and release over and over in quick succession. Twenty in a row is a good number to shoot for. For the longer holds, you slowly squeeze, hold at the top of the squeeze, and slowly release. You want to feel as much control as possible on squeeze and on the release. Over time, practise increasing your hold time up to 10 seconds.

What To Do Instead Of Faking An Orgasm

Faking orgasms doesn't do anyone any favours. It doesn't feel satisfying for you; if anything, it detracts from your experience because you're more focused on faking convincingly than on enjoying yourself. It doesn't help your partner learn what you actually need to feel pleasure, much less reach orgasm. And in a broader sense, faking orgasm contributes to unrealistic expectations about how orgasms actually work. Together, all of our faking is creating the illusion that orgasms happen easily and spontaneously.

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Work on Your Breathing

Your breath plays a surprisingly big role in your orgasm. When you get closer to orgasm (or when you're filled with anxiety that you're going to orgasm too quickly), you start breathing shallowly and rapidly. This breath can actually push you over the edge into orgasm.

If you want to learn greater control of your orgasm, you have to focus on improving your breath. Most people breathe shallowly in and out of the tops of their chest. Instead, try to direct your breath downward. Some people call this "belly breathing" or "diaphragm breathing". You want to envision your entire torso expanding and contracting with each breath. You also want to try to slow down your breath. Try counting to seven on the inhale, holding for five, then counting to seven on the exhale.

Increase Your Masturbation Length

The next step to developing more control over your orgasms is to increase the amount of time you masturbate for. If you've ever read one of my articles about male masturbation, you've heard me say that you should aim to create the same patterns in your masturbation as you want to have in your partnered sex life. If your masturbation sessions are two minutes tops, you're going to have a hard time lasting much longer than that during partnered sex.

Aim to masturbate for about 20-30 minutes every day or every other day. Don't watch porn when you masturbate. (I wasn't joking when I said this was work!) You need to be able to focus on the sensation in your body while you masturbate, and porn is often too big of a distraction.

How To Play With Breasts

Breasts can be pleasurable to play with, for both the giver and the recipient alike. Some women can even have orgasms from breast play alone. Others need breast play in combination with clitoral or vaginal stimulation.

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Conquer the Edge

The trick to separating orgasm from ejaculation is to use your PC muscles to stop yourself from ejaculation right when you're on the brink. As you masturbate, when you feel yourself getting close to orgasm, stop touching your penis and squeeze hard on your PC muscles. Try to hold for about 10 seconds. Then resume touching yourself. Practise getting yourself closer and closer to the point of no return.

The key is to do the PC squeeze right at the moment of orgasmic inevitability. This is a lot trickier than it sounds. You're not going to get it to happen the first time (or even the 10th time), but with repeated practise, you should eventually be able to separate your orgasm from your ejaculation. The PC squeeze should stop the ejaculation, but should allow you to continue feeling waves of orgasmic pleasure. You won't have a refractory period. With repeated practise, you may also notice that your orgasms get longer or more intense.


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