How To Reply To A (Wanted) Nude Pic

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Quietly, all around you, countless times a day, a woman sends a nude picture of herself to a man she's seeing, and the man gives a crappy response that hurts the woman's feelings. (Presumably this also happens in other gender combinations, but it sure is easy to find men who do it to women!) Writer merritt k has categorised the crappy responses so that you can avoid them, and maybe be deemed worthy of more nudes.

Photo by Isabell Winter

For example:

The "Clever Boy" can be distinguished by its attempt to seem not just disinterested, but funny, too. For instance, late 20-something Liz once received, "THE NSA CAN SEE THAT, FYI." "Some people feel an urge to say a clever thing, which usually ends up rude and not that clever," she offers as an explanation for the phenomenon. There's a time and a place, friends.

Sending a nude - for most people - is a vulnerable act. When you receive a nude, a nude you wanted, your immediate responsibility is to reward that vulnerability with positivity. You can be clever later, when feelings aren't on the line.

Some of the crappy responses are, at least unconsciously, a way to steal back attention and make it all about you. Others are just really bad improv. If you want to banter with the person who sent you a nude, you have to "yes and" them: Agree with their premise, which is almost always "I am sexy", and add to it.

Trust me on this! I used to be a "clever boy" and I even critiqued a girlfriend's nudes. This did not net me more nudes! Unless you have a very specific, mutually acknowledged dynamic, err on the side of being positive and encouraging and making your partner feel very happy that they sent you nudes. Unless you actually don't want nudes, in which case you should really just say so.

How Not to Respond When Someone Is Kind Enough to Send You a Nude [MEL Magazine]


Comments

    >THE NSA CAN SEE THAT

    which is why sexting should be banned until people figure out what encryption is

      Encryption: A false sense of total security.

    I really feel the take home message should be 'never send nudes' and if you do, make sure they're completely anonymous.

    Once they get out they can never come back.

      Yeah, I was expecting the same message or even 'but if you do, make sure...' But in essence, never send an image of yourself you don't want your future boss to see.

        Absolutely. You just can't give someone else that kind of power. Releasing a nude will affect your reputation for years to come. Not to mention what that would do to you personally.

        It can't happen if you don't send it out.

      An old rule I was told when email was making the scene:

      "If you don't want to say something out aloud, don't put it in an email."

      The same is applicable to nude pics.

        If only everyone on twitter had to agree to that rule before they started using it!

        I think toxicity is a huge problem on the internet. Lots of people say things online that they'd never say out loud in public,

          That's right.

          Context and equally as important, the intended audience is key - however, it's these things that causes issues that some people don't factor in.

          Twitter for example has a massive user base - it's almost impossible not to offend anyone by even the least harmless comment or expression.

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