Here's A Lady Dip For Your Lady Chips

What a time to be a woman! Not only do we finally have a female Colonel Sanders, but Doritos has announced that they will be producing a quieter, less messy, more female-friendly chip.

Photo by Claire Lower

I don't know which wave of feminism this is, but it is truly our time. With a chip that embraces the belief that ladies should be seen (without unsightly Dorito dust on their hands) and not heard, we can finally snack with "great glee" like the men do. Usually, to get around what I call the "crunch conundrum" I have my man chew my Doritos for me and then spit them in my mouth so that I may swallow them silently. This also keeps my fingers free from nacho cheese dust, which is good, because I loathe fellating my phalanges in public. (What does my man do about the dust on his hands? He just wipes it on my face!)

As you can see, like many aspects of existing as a woman, eating Doritos has become a bit of a production, so I for one am thankful they're releasing these empowering processed corn triangles. To celebrate, I have made a dip. It's pink, for obviously reasons. To make it, you will need:

  • 1 cup sour cream
  • 225g cream cheese
  • 2 tablespoons Heinz Chilli Sauce
  • 1 tablespoon Sriracha
  • 1 teaspoon garlic powder
  • 1/2 teaspoon smoked paprika

Put everything in a food processor and let it whirr until you have a creamy, light pink dip. (OK, it's technically less of a "true pink" and more of a "salmon" but we need the Sriracha in there for a bit of heat.) Scrape the dip into a sealable container, and freeze until the advent of the lady chip is upon us. If you simply must indulge before then, make sure to grab your snack product by the very corner so as not to muss your fingers, and let it sit in the dip for a few minutes so it softens into a crunchless, limp triangle that won't embarrass you. (Oh, and don't forget the twee-arse capsicum heart. Ladies love a twee garnish.)


    I don't know what's more ridiculous: the fact that Doritos actually got this far into production, or the fact that market research indicated there was a demand for this. Who were those people?

      Clearly Doritos thinks us men only like food when its abnormally large and increadibly messy. The perfect food for us then must be a 7 foot chip that covers us in flavouring after a couple of bites.

        In all seriousness, the first article I read about it noted that research showed men eat more doritos than women, and the powers that be wanted to know why. So market research came back that women had concerns about the size of the chips, getting stuff on their fingers, and about them being too loud... and men generally just gave zero fucks about any of that.

        I can only assume that the researchers took these excuses at face value and management set about trying to 'fix those problems'.

        Gonna guess this was a huge data-collection mistake which could have been caught by anyone who's ever asked a friend why they haven't done something they've said they wanted to and they've given a huge list of bullshit hurdles that would be easily solved if they actually gave a shit, and the reason they haven't solved those issues is because they don't ACTUALLY want to do it.

        Probably the same deal, here. There's a true objection somewhere (like, "I just don't like doritos,") and these were just the apparently more acceptable 'covering' excuses.

        Either that, or there's an untapped market for 'ladies doritos', and everyone not in that demographic is shitting on the folks who are. (Could be a bit of both.)

        It is an American brand, the country that has competitive eating.

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