Dating terminology has gotten a lot broader – and a lot weirder – since the advent of smartphones, social media and online dating. It seems like every other day there’s another pithy metaphor, slang word or acronym to jot down or brush up on.
Whether you’re trying to keep up in the dating scene or just want to decipher the alien vocabulary you’ve encountered on dating apps, this glossary of love lingo is here to help.
Now, we first pulled together this glossary a few years back with the help of Claire Certain of dating app happn. In the years since more terms have emerged – to the point where Tinder has released an entire dating dictionary. For that reason, we thought we’d refresh this guide and add in some new wild and wonderful phrases.
So, let’s get stuck in, eh?
New(er) dating phrases via Tinder’s dating dictionary
Affor-dating
Short for “affordable dates” and refers to dates like coffee catch ups, walks or sober dinners that don’t break the bank.
Need ideas? We’ve got a list for you here.
Beige flags
Beige flags are early warning signs of incompatibility and are often found in people who are quite basic and boring.
We wrote all about this dating phrase here.
Breadcrumbing
A low-effort form of flirting, with non-committal messages or signals which show potential interest without the intention to actually date someone. Breadcrumbing keeps someone interested without actual commitment to pursuing flirtation further.
Daterview
A date that feels more like an interview because no natural conversation develops, but a person constantly “processes” their questions
ENM (ethical-non monogamy)
Any form of romantic relationships that doesn’t involve exclusivity between partners.
It’s not exactly a new dating phrase, but it’s worth adding because in recent years more people have shown interest in it.
Gaslighting
Manipulating someone by using psychological methods so that you end up questioning your own reasoning and abilities.
Again, it’s been around a while, but more people use this term these days, so worth getting comfortable with it if you’re unfamiliar.
Green flag
A positive sign that indicates a good match.
And yes, we’ve written about this dating phrase, too.
Love bombing
Bombard someone – especially at the beginning of the relationship – with expressions of love.
Want to learn more? Read about love bombing here.
Recycling
Returning to an ex-partner (this was particularly popular in pandemic times).
Red flag
Warning signs (‘red flags’), in which the alarm bells should ring.
We’ve got more on the dating phrase red flag, and examples of what they are, here.
Situationship
A romantic juncture that hovers somewhere between a steady relationship and an affair or friendship and remains undefined throughout.
Zombie-ing
Occurs when someone who has previously ghosted you reinitiates contact suddenly and unfoundedly, often months later.
Terms from our original romantic glossary
Below quotes regarding dating phrases can be attributed to Claire Certain.
Ghosting
This is perhaps the most recognisable word that has arisen from online dating – although the act itself existed long before the dawn of dating apps.
The phenomenon of ghosting occurs when someone you are dating suddenly goes silent on you, with no indication that they are no longer interested. One moment you are flirting back and forth after a handful of dates, the next you are checking your phone incessantly, bewildered at why this person you had a connection with has so abruptly dropped off the face of the earth.
Ghosting can happen at any point in a relationship, and even between friends. Usually ghosts are simply too afraid of confrontation to tell you they aren’t interested in taking things further.
Textlationship
Some people manage to have an entire relationship without ever meeting, only exchanging messages. Most dating apps of course encourage their users to meet in real life as soon as they feel comfortable, to avoid a lingering textlationship.
Slow Fade
The slow fade is similar to ghosting, except more drawn-out. This is where someone you are chatting to or seeing gradually cuts you off, making less and less effort with being in touch.
Cuffing Season
This term refers to the winter months where people who would usually be happily single or casually dating supposedly adopt a preference for being in a committed relationship.
Read more about this dating phrase here.
DTR
This is an acronym for ‘define the relationship’ – a new phrase which is the equivalent of having ‘the chat’ about where your relationship is heading.
DTF
This is an acronym for ‘down to fuck.’ It’s a part question, part statement relating to casual sex.
Benching
Also known as bread-crumbing, benching is when someone you have been seeing stops agreeing to meet, but continues to contact you over message and social media. These people are essentially keeping you on the bench while they play out their other options. Beware a flame who keeps you in limbo this way!
Haunting
This is where a romantic interest who previously ghosted you has now reappeared, but without direct contact. Instead, they’ll like or follow your social media posts, haunting you in cyberspace to remind you they still exist.
Tuning
Tuning can be mistaken for benching, but is far more positive for the tunee.
Tuners are people who are actually romantically interested in you, but who are avoiding being upfront about it. These people want the relationship to progress, so are flirting via all kinds of means, but are vague and often frustrating.
We all hope a bencher is really just a tuner, but be sure to tell the difference between under-confidence and indifference.
Talking
When someone tells their friends they are ‘talking’ to a girl or guy [or person], it usually means they are dating them, but casually.
FBO
To some, the pinnacle of online dating: FBO stands for Facebook Official. This of course involves changing your Facebook relationship status to mirror your newly confirmed relationship.
Netflix & Chill
If a partner asks you to ‘come over for Netflix & chill’ you can guarantee that the TV won’t be on for long!
Thirsty
If someone is ‘thirsty’ they are very needy for attention, to the point of desperation.
Thirst Trap
A ‘thirsty’ person might lay a Thirst Trap, in which they share a photo of their best physical feature to seduce their Crush.
Deep Like
Most people fear being a deep-liker, but for some people out there, deep-liking is a proven method for showing your crush you like them. Just scroll back in time on their feed and like something on the past, to subtly indicate you’re interested.
Cushioning
When someone softens the blow of rejection, by keeping a second option at hand.
A Thing
A particularly ‘Aussie’ term, two people are ‘a thing’ in the period before they are officially dating.
Backpedal
To get back with your ex after instigating a breakup.
IRL
‘In Real Life’ is when you take the relationship from online/app to the real world, which us folks at Happn endorse 100%!
Stashing
When you’ve introduced your date or partner to everyone in your life (ie, your parents, friends, neighbours, cat), but you haven’t met a single person in theirs, you’re being stashed. We find this is often when one person in the relationship isn’t ready to fully commit.
Tour Guide Seeker
When someone lands in a new country and uses a dating app to find a local to show them around a city’s hotspots whilst dating at the same time.
Boomerang
When a name you don’t remember matching-with, pops up on your screen in response to a message you sent six months ago, as if no time had passed at all. Our guess, is that they started dating someone and it didn’t work out, so they’ve boomeranged right back to where they left off!
Ostriching
When you don’t respond to their message within 24 hours, so they block you, as they’d rather bury their head in the sand than deal with rejection.
Know any choice dating terms that didn’t make the list? Tell us about them in the comments!
This article on dating terms has been updated since its original publish date.
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