Don’t Have A Train Ticket? Just Chill Out In The Toilet, M8

Fair warning: This hack is not for the faint of heart. But if you can’t afford a train ticket (or are shockingly cheap with no self-respect, like me) this ticket inspector avoidance strategy could be worth pursuing.

It’s Evil Week at Lifehacker, which means we’re looking into less-than-seemly methods for getting shit done. We like to think we’re shedding light on these tactics as a way to help you do the opposite, but if you are, in fact, evil, you might find this week unironically helpful. That’s up to you.

If you find yourself on a train without a valid ticket, simply park yourself in the train’s toilet and don’t come out. Even if the train is crawling with transit officers, they won’t bother you while you’re about your “business”. (In fact, during an inspection sweep most officers walk straight past the toilets on their way to the next carriage without even glancing at the door.)

The key is to gauge your exit so it coincides with the arrival of your stop. Officers rarely bother commuters alighting from a train, so you should be home free. (Naturally, this hack works best on stations without ticket barriers, but there are ways to get past those too.)

The only downside to this hack is that you need to sit in a fetid cubicle of human filth for the duration of your journey. Grand final nights are not recommended.

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