Avoid Large People On Trains By Sitting In The Upper Middle Carriage

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There's nothing worse than being squished against the doughy flesh of a fellow train traveler who is clearly too large for their seat. We're not here to judge. Maybe they have emotional issues. Maybe it's their glands.

But that doesn't mean you should be made to suffer alongside them for the duration of your train journey. Evil Week is here to help.

It's Evil Week at Lifehacker, which means we're looking into less-than-seemly methods for getting shit done. We like to think we're shedding light on these tactics as a way to help you do the opposite, but if you are, in fact, evil, you might find this week unironically helpful. That's up to you.

As it turns out, there's an easy way to avoid commuters with extra-generous proportions. Simply sit in the middle of the upstairs carriage. Think about it. All those stairs to navigate. All those extra footsteps. All that unnecessary legwork. There's no way this is going to be their first choice for a train seat.

Once again, we're not judging large people here. I'm not suggesting they're all lazy. (No, really.) But it's a scientific fact that propelling a larger frame requires more energy. It's only natural that they'd want to avoid the faraway seats which are a pain to get to.

Of course, if the train is completely filled up, they're going to take whatever seat is available - in which case, you're screwed. But by sitting in the upper middle carriage, the odds are definitely stacked in your favour.


    Waidaminut! Where in Australia do we have double-decker buses? It's been awhile since I toured the country, so I can only assume Sydney? I know they used to have double-decker trains.

      Where in Australia do we have double-decker buses?Dunno, but you're the one who mentioned buses. The article only talked about trains.

        Ah yes, right there on the first line ;)
        So there are double-decker trains in Australia then? :)

          Plenty of commuter trains in Australia have an upstairs and downstairs section.

            Not where I come from there ain't! :)

              Pretty much every commuter train in NSW at least is double decker. May be some inter city exceptions but they typically connect to a Tangarbage or Millennial at some point. They usually pop up on the few lines still not electrified, like Nowra to Wollongong outskirts.

                We may be a bit backwards here in Qld, I haven't used Brisbane's rail in years because I don't live there, but last I checked we still don't have em.

                  You're right on that one solonoid. Trains here in QLD are still single deckers.

                  I'm not 100% sure but I thought it was only really a NSW thing that they had double decker trains. Anytime i've been into Sydney i've caught one but didn't see any in Perth.

          Yeah, Sydney has them. They suck if you have suitcases.

      sydney has both double decker trains and busses

    I've never understood the seating arrangements on Sydney Trains. They seem to think the seats are large enough to accommodate for everyone's body size, height, etc. 2 or 3 people are supposed to be able to comfortably sit next to each other in a packed train. The reality is not a single person ever wants to sit next to a person they don't know, think is too large or just smells bad, so you will always see middle seats available no one uses.
    People who have their seats will defend the spot next to them by putting their bag there.
    Then others start clogging up the doorway areas because they don't want to stand/swim through people standing inside the carriages which no one ever does either except if you
    have like a 4 carriage train on the south coast line which is just ridiculous these days.

    In short, Sydney Trains are a pain no matter who may or may not end up sitting next to you. Just deal with it, or drive the car to work.

    better yet, dont avoid the bigger person, be the bigger person ;)

    An article that only really applies to Sydney. No "upper-level" on trains here in Melbourne.

    An article that tempts us with interesting information, only for us to discover we cannot use said information; an "Evil Week" article indeed

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