What Would You Tell Your Younger Self About Coming Out?

What Would You Tell Your Younger Self About Coming Out?

Photo via Visual Hunt
National Coming Out Day is a US event dedicated to people who are comfortably “out” sharing the story of how they began telling people who they really are. But at the same time, others may not feel ready or safe enough to come out.

If you’ve ever had to make a decision about coming out — and deal with the aftermath — what would you tell your younger self? Was it easier or harder than you expected? What surprised you?


  • I officially came out at 31. When I was younger, I always knew I had an attraction to the same sex, but I was too horrified to come out at 25. My anxiety levels were crazy high back then as well. If I was to go back in time, I would defn tell my younger self to come out earlier and that all the noises in my head about my family abandoning me was just my anxiety talking. Nothing like that ever happened in real life.

    But at the same time, I also wouldnt change anything in my life. I love where I am currently in my life. Love the friends I have (and continue to make), love my family, love my job, love my confidence, love myself – just love life in general. I had to go through my own life lessons and hardships to become the man I am today; to have the strength to stand on my own two feet and fight for what’s right. So as much as I would tell my younger self to come out earlier, I also wouldn’t. He needs to go through his own journey of self realisation and acceptance.

  • i don’t know what i would say. i was already struggling socially then without piling a public display of gender non conformity on top of it.
    school wasn’t exactly a nice and comforting and accomodating environment.
    i do have a strong suspicion that i wouldn’t have had a wonderful decade+ with the person i loved had i been true to myself earlier, but then i probably might have been able to better integrate myself (as much as i would have wanted to have) into the societal ‘normality’ that one deals with. I would have had many more years of HRT to have potentially worked its magic, i would have have had potentially more hair (on my head) to style and colour. but the flip side would be ‘friends’ that might have abandoned me sooner to deal with the loneliness of life. Would i have been able to find work, would my parents have supported me (being trans was very much ridiculed more 20 years ago than what it is today and even today there are still ignorant pockets of society). I cant even say to my young self that it gets better because i am still seeking a sense of happiness and worth now.
    maybe i wouldn’t say anything to my self (besides the fact it ruins the fabric of space/time), but maybe i could have influenced more supportive environments for myself. clandestinely drop pamphlets for my parents to read in the letterbox, provide education material to my school, enlist a counsellor to approach my younger self to encourage me to open up to myself (far out this is too inceptionish to write). Maybe just wish myself luck….cos i am going to need it.
    Maybe just tell myself to continue learning german because it will come in handy in 21 years. Oh and learn the guitar as well :).

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