Illustration by Tara Jacoby
Like so many other aspects of female sexuality, the G-spot is typically -- and unfairly -- thought of as mysterious, elusive, and complex. In reality, it's not that complicated. It's a part of a woman's body that -- for some women -- can create a lot of pleasure. End of story. Here's how to find her G-spot, and what to do with it once you do.
What It Is
The G-spot is named after the German gynecologist who discovered it - Ernst Gräfenberg. (Fun fact: he's also the inventor of the IUD.) Gräfenberg was originally researching urethral stimulation, and classified the G-spot as an erogenous zone on the anterior (the side beneath the belly) wall of the vaginal canal.
There's actually still vigorous disagreement in the scientific community as to whether or not the G-spot truly exists. Some claim that the G-spot is its own unique structure, and describe it as a "spongey bean" that protrudes from the wall of the vagina. Other researchers claim that there isn't anything unique about the area that warrants its own name. Here's my take -- whether or not it's a specialised structure, the area still tends to be pretty sensitive for a lot of women. That's because it's in close proximity to the sensitive internal fibres of the clitoris.
Ask Her if She's Interested
Ask your partner if she wants you to touch her G-spot. She may already know that she does or does not like stimulation there. Whatever you do, try not to hype up the G-spot too much. A lot of women feel pressure to have special G-spot orgasms or squirting orgasms, so specific G-spot exploration can bring up a feelings of anxiety or deficiency.
Here's the most important thing to know about the G-spot -- as is the case with every other part of the body, the experience of pleasure is subjective. Some women love having their G-spots stimulated. Other women don't. Having a G-spot that feels pleasurable isn't a sign of being better than other women, just as having a kneecap that feels pleasurable isn't a sign of superiority. Similarly, the G-spot not being particularly sensitive doesn't say anything about the woman it belongs to. If she's on board, it can be a fun area to explore, but don't put any pressure or expectation on her.
As noted above, the G-spot is on the anterior wall of her vagina. This is the side directly below her pubic bone. Most people mistakenly think that the G-spot is at the end of the vaginal canal. It's actually much closer to the entrance than you might think -- typically one to three inches in
It's easiest to find with your fingers. Have her lay on her back. Insert one or two fingers into her, with your palm facing up. Make a "come here" motion, so your fingertips curl upwards to the wall of her vagina. You may feel a small protrusion about the diameter of a nickel or a quarter. It may feel a bit spongier than the tissues surrounding it. Or you may not feel anything different from the rest of her vaginal wall. If the latter is the case, try touching all around the anterior wall of the vagina, and ask her to let you know which area feels the most pleasurable for her.
The G-spot typically responds best to very firm pressure. Try placing two fingers directly onto the G-spot. Press your fingers firmly into the skin, and move them around in slow circles, as if you were giving it a massage. You don't want to move your fingers across the skin; you mostly want to keep them in contact with the same part of the her vaginal wall, but slowly pull the skin along with your fingers. Sort of like as if you were massaging your temples with your fingertips.
If G-spot stimulation doesn't feel particularly pleasurable for her on its own, you can try pairing it with other types of stimulation. Try using two fingers of one hand on her G-spot, and the thumb of the other hand on her clitoris. Or you can try one hand on the G-spot and the other in or around her anus.
Let Her Be the Boss
For some women, G-spot stimulation very quickly creates a sensation of needing to pee. The G-spot is located in pretty close proximity to the bladder, which may explain the connection. G-spot stimulation can also lead to squirting orgasms, so that's another possible explanation for the sudden feelings of pressure and fullness.
Because of this, a lot of women get nervous about G-spot stimulation, even to the point of asking their partners to stop. It's important to listen to her requests if she asks you to stop. In the vast majority of cases, she won't actually pee, but the fear of losing control can be distracting and even scary for some women. You can also set her at ease by putting down towels or a shower curtain liner, or assuring her that you wouldn't mind if she relaxed and allowed her body to release fluid. You can also try messing around in the shower, for easier and quicker cleanup.
Get some Toys Involved
If she enjoys G-spot stimulation, you may want to invest in a toy to further your explorations. The G-spot typically requires a lot of stimulation, to the point where your hand might start getting a little tired or sore. If that's the case, I highly recommend the Njoy Pure Wand. It's curved just right to hit the G-spot with minimal effort from you. She can also use it on her own. I also really like the curved rose wand from Chakrubs, for the same reason. Both toys are made of very hard materials (medical grade stainless steel and rose quartz, respectively), which make it easy to create a lot of pressure.
You've got a butt, but (heh) the odds are that you're probably ignoring it. Your arse has the capacity to experience a jaw-dropping amount of pleasure, so it's time to put aside any negative reactions you might have about anal explorations. Whether you're put off by the taboos, nervous about pain, or just don't understand the appeal, we're here to convince you why your arse is worth pampering.