Here's How You Should Assemble Your Hamburger

People take their food-themed emoji very seriously, which is why the internet is in quite the uproar since writer Thomas Baekdal sent out a tweet over the weekend.

Photo by Elli O.

In fact, this tweet caused such a kerfuffle that Google CEO Sundar Pichai said he would "drop everything" to address the issue if "folks can agree" on how a burger should be assembled. (So it might not happen.)

Honestly, I'm pretty scandalised by Google's configuration. Putting the cheese underneath the patty is just silly. Everyone knows cheese should be placed on top of the meat while it's still hot on the grill to ensure proper melt-age. Besides that, placing a slice of dairy underneath an already greasy burger is just asking for a too-soft and soggy bottom bun.

Apple's emoji, however, isn't quite right either. Though I appreciate the effort to keep the bottom bun from sogging out through the clever placement of greenery, doing so can result in grease pooling within the valleys of the lettuce, which is gross. Plus, the whole point of lettuce is to provide texture, so wilting it with hamburger grease is a no-go. Therefore, the proper way to stack a cheeseburger is as follows (from top to bottom): Bun, lettuce, tomato, cheese, patty, bun. (Which, somewhat hilariously, is the configuration of the Microsoft burger.)

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Comments

    I always understood it that the lettuce acts as insulation between the warm ingredients, and the extras. The cheese melting makes it a warm ingredient. So if you have caramelised onion, that would go under the lettuce as well, while beetroot, pickles, etc go above.

    Using sliced iceberg lettuce also negates the wilting issue, as it has the volume and texture to handle the heat. And (personal opinion) less wanky than other options.

    So with that 4 ingredient burger, from top to bottom the order should be bun, tomato, lettuce, cheese, patty, bun. I also prefer the patty at the bottom so the bun is absorbing any oils.

    Who'd have thought a basic burger could create so much debate?

    The google bun has sesame seeds on it, but the apple bun - are those maggots?

    To the author, you state that the cheese should not be under the meat for two reasons:
    1. The cheese should be on top to melt and,
    2. The cheese will create a "too-soft and soggy bottom bun".

    You then state the the lettuce cannot be under the meat because of the "grease pooling within the valleys of the lettuce."

    Would that be the same grease that that would make the the bun more soggy than melted cheese alone ever could?

    So I don't see any point in your argument. The cheese is by far the best substrate to avoid liquid contamination of the bottom of the bun.

    It is a good idea to add the cheese on top of the meat when cooking to allow for melting then to flip the meat so cheese is on the bottom if you want to keep the bun dry.

    Who cares?

    You buy a burger to eat it, Not to write a thesis on its artisitic style and function. The only thing i care about when buying a burger is if it tastes good and has plenty of meat in it.

    None of the emojis have beetroot on them, therefore they are not areal hamburgers.

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