Here’s How You Should Assemble Your Hamburger

Here’s How You Should Assemble Your Hamburger

People take their food-themed emoji very seriously, which is why the internet is in quite the uproar since writer Thomas Baekdal sent out a tweet over the weekend.

Photo by Elli O.

In fact, this tweet caused such a kerfuffle that Google CEO Sundar Pichai said he would “drop everything” to address the issue if “folks can agree” on how a burger should be assembled. (So it might not happen.)

Honestly, I’m pretty scandalised by Google’s configuration. Putting the cheese underneath the patty is just silly. Everyone knows cheese should be placed on top of the meat while it’s still hot on the grill to ensure proper melt-age. Besides that, placing a slice of dairy underneath an already greasy burger is just asking for a too-soft and soggy bottom bun.

Apple’s emoji, however, isn’t quite right either. Though I appreciate the effort to keep the bottom bun from sogging out through the clever placement of greenery, doing so can result in grease pooling within the valleys of the lettuce, which is gross. Plus, the whole point of lettuce is to provide texture, so wilting it with hamburger grease is a no-go. Therefore, the proper way to stack a cheeseburger is as follows (from top to bottom): Bun, lettuce, tomato, cheese, patty, bun. (Which, somewhat hilariously, is the configuration of the Microsoft burger.)

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