Lovehacker: How Can I Find A Date In A New City?

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Dear Lovehacker, I moved to a new city recently and don't know anyone locally. Do you have some advice on how to meet new people? (I'm single and looking!) Thanks, Anon.

Hey Anon,

I think your best bet here is focus on meeting new friends, as well as potential romantic partners. Having a friend group and a support network is important, particularly if you've been going through some big life changes like moving or changing jobs. Love and sex is great, but you don't want to put all of your energy into one person in a new city, just in case it doesn't work out.

More friends means more opportunities to meet other singles. It's a win-win.

I was fortunate enough to know people when I moved to Sydney, but I was newly single and not one to hit the club on a Saturday night -- so I get being at a loss of what to do.

Admittedly, I did use Tinder. It was fine for a flirt, a laugh and counting just how many "DJs" hung around Potts Point, but it really wasn't for me. But there are a lot of online dating success stories out there. One of my colleagues met her partner through Tinder and now they're engaged with a baby on the way.

Funnily enough, meeting new friends isn't all that different to seeking out romance. You have to be brave and willing to put yourself out there. Seek out like-minded people.

I met a lovely lawyer when I was reviewing Terminator Genisys last year -- he bonded with my best mate and I over the free Oak chocolate milk they were handing out at the event. No, really.

We ended up going for dinner with him and his room-mate after the film and it was really fun.

Another good example is how I met my partner. We both showed up to a gaming preview event and I knew who he was so I had the guts to introduce myself. We went out for drinks at a pirate themed bar the next night and a year later we're living together.

Basically, you have to do you.

Rather than wondering where you can go to meet someone, focus on where you can do that thing that you love. Join a sporting group, volunteer, play board games at a bar, take a class.

As always, technology is your friend. There are some awesome apps out there that can help. Meetup is a great one for finding people with similar interests. There are hugely eclectic groups on there as well -- everything from cooking classes to game and app development groups.

Since you're new to your city, I would also suggest Like A Local. Although it's technically a tourist app, it's a fast and fun way to get to know your city and find out where the best local haunts are.

Our Data Analyst moved here from Malaysia and has become an expert at getting to know new people -- in a new country no less.

He suggests familiarising yourself with the suburbs in your city -- get to know their characters. You'll quickly discover which one suits you and where you'll find like-minded people. He also recommends checking out the cultural events and festivals happening in the city. There should be things happening every weekend and sites like Timeout and Concrete Playground can help steer you in the right direction.

You should also try to make an effort with the people around you. Moving to a new city when you're single indicates that it may have been for work? If that's the case -- get to know your workmates. Sit down with them at lunch and get involved in social activities. If there isn't much of a social culture there -- why not take the initiative and organise something fun?

Lastly, bring baked goods to your neighbours. It's a bit of a classic tactic, but it's a shame that so many of us are disconnected from the people who live on the other side of the apartment wall. Introducing yourself with some sweet treats is a really nice touch, could lead to some new connections and may make people more forgiving if you throw a rager down the track.

Lovehacker is a weekly relationship and sex column where our resident Agony Aunt answers your questions. Need help? Drop a comment below or email [email protected].

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Comments

    ...get to know your workmates. Sit down with them at lunch and get involved in social activities. If there isn't much of a social culture there — why not take the initiative and organise something fun?You clearly haven't worked at any of the places I've worked at in the last 20 years.

    My view is get involved & do things without looking for a friend/love interest etc. I think in traditional "meet up/hookup" places (e.g. bars etc) the other single people are also on a mission and a bit guarded - if you are not on your "A" game, its over (and often people are not on their A game in a strange town where you know no one). In other places like hobby events (e.g. like the gaming show in the article) and sports clubs, people are into the event, and are far more likely to try to get to know you as a person. You can meet people via work - even with today's workplace rules, and maybe look to the extended work network - my wife is the friend of a former colleague. As for Tinder, pity it wasn't around when I was single ....

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