Some people squat over a public toilet, because they have quads of steel. Some people just sit their bare tushies right down on the rubella-covered seat, because evidently they have no fear of germs as sensible people should. For the rest of us there are toilet-seat covers. Yeah, you can cover the seat with TP, but the careful tearing, angling and placing of lengths of paper for perfect coverage can get a little tedious when you really need to go — what is this, macramé?
Photo: Terry Bain
So that leaves us with the paper toilet cover offered in some public restrooms, which, while it does offer the same sensation as waiting in the doctor’s office for someone to do something unpleasant to your nether regions, really is your best option for a sanitary pee.
And yet, so many people don’t seem to know how to properly use the paper toilet seat cover!
- Tearing off the middle flap of paper and discarding it. (Why would you do that? It isn’t a juice cup top.)
- Putting it on backwards, with the flap hanging from the back of the toilet instead of the front.
- Not poking out the flap of paper so that it dangles in the water. Because the whole point of the middle flap is that it rests in the water while you do your business, and then, when you flush, drags the whole toilet-seat cover down the drain with it. So you don’t have to touch it. No rubella, see?
The Wrong Way
This video, confusingly titled “The Proper Way to Put on a Toilet Seat Cover”, is, in fact, wrong, because she makes mistake number three: Not poking out the flap and letting it float in the water.
Now, you may say, “But the weight of the pee/other will drag down the paper of its own accord, so I don’t need to spend that four seconds poking it through and letting it dangle before I go.” To which I say, “What if the perforated seams on that particular toilet-seat cover are unusually strong? Like a factory defect on that one toilet-seat cover? What if — bear with me here — the weight of your pee/other doesn’t force the flap of paper down? Then you’ve just created a goddamn hammock for your pee/other right under your nether regions.”
Poke it through.
The Right Way
This guest on the Steve Harvey show, professional organiser and American hero Amanda LeBlanc, gets it right.
Got it? Happy (sanitary) trails, everyone.