When you hear "sex machine" for the first time, it’s likely that your mind will go one of two ways. Either you’ll picture James Brown doing the splits on the dance floor or you'll think of a giant piece of metal equipment with a rubber Johnston stuck to it. While the second option may be real (and to your tastes in some cases), things have come on a long way from the days of popping a dildo on an old-fashioned clothes horse and hoping for the best.
Thanks to technological developments, we’re now lucky enough to be presented with a plethora of different types of sex machine from ones that thrust, ones you can ride to ones you can rock. Whatever your preference, there chances are there’s a sex toy for you. But, it can be hard to know what to look for.
Still, you might be thinking that a mechanical sex simulator doesn’t sound very sexy but the reality is quite different. Imagine a world in which tired hands, tongues and hips are a thing of the past. No one rolls over and falls asleep once they’ve finished, leaving you high and dry. You can lie back - or sit up - and enjoy endless ‘you time’ and the resulting effortless orgasms. That sounds pretty sexy, right?
The first thing to think about when considering a sex toy is who is it for. Well, you, obviously. But will this be a toy you can incorporate into couple’s play? If so, it is important to have a conversation about it first before this mechanical marvel makes its way to your bedroom. Consider what kind of pleasure you would want from a sex machine and ask your partner what he or she would enjoy. Many sex machines have a female focus, but there are also many attachments for men so both sexes can benefit. Make sure you’re both comfortable with the choice before you commit to a purchase.
Secondly, it’s important to consider a pretty big factor - and, no, that’s not the size of the sex toy stuck to it, it’s the price. How much money are you willing to splash out on a sex machine? The prices range greatly depending on what you’re looking for. Not everyone is happy to part with thousands for a Sybian and that’s not a problem; you can most certainly find some machines for under a hundred. Before you start selecting sex machines, make sure you’ve considered how much you want to spend.
An important factor people may overlook in the excitement of buying a sex machine is a fairly logistical one. Where will you store it? And, how can you transport it? If you’ve got frequent visitors, or kids, or nosy parents, it’s a good idea to consider where you’re going to be able to keep this machine if you don’t want them to see it. If you want to be able to pack it up and take it to your partner’s house or on a trip away, it’s going to be worthwhile considering the ease of transportation. There’s nothing less sexy than lugging a heavy machine from room to room and potentially doing your back in.
Once you’ve decided to take the plunge and considered the kind of pleasure you want, do your research. There are machines that provide seriously strong thrusting mechanisms, saddles that can be ridden for vaginal or anal penetration and there are even handheld power tools that should perhaps be kept in the garden shed with all the other hand-held motors. Lovehoney has a range of safe sex machines from luxury loungers to portable pleasure apparatuses. A great, all-round option with a variety of attachments for both sexes is the Louisiana Lounger Sex Toy Machine. It’s easily portable and a great addition for any bedroom.
Lots of machines have the option of adding attachments and extras to their repertoire, while some will only function with their own proprietary tools. Consider whether or not you’re happy with the offerings of the brand you’re buying from, or whether you want the option of branching out to (possibly) bigger and better things. If you think you want an attachment box to rival a pirate’s treasure chest, then it might be a good idea to look for versatility in your purchase.
Finally, if you’re going to buy a sex machine, it’s vital to remember one thing: buy lube! A machine might be able to go for hours but your body can’t always. Keep sensations sweet and slippery with a high-quality lubricant.
Most importantly, enjoy. Sex machines are supposed to allow you to experience orgasmic bliss without any of the effort. So, consider these factors and get