Theme Days Are Bullshit

Today is International Dog Biscuit Appreciation Day. Did you know this? Were you aware of this? It’s also Banana Bread Day. And Curling Is Cool Day.

Last Thursday it was Almond Day. The day before that was Wear Red Day. And the day before that was – I shit you not – Hippo Day.

I wish I was making this up. I am not making this up.

Did you know there’s an international ‘Step In A Puddle And Splash Your Friends’ Day? On the 11th of January, citizens of the world are encouraged to “have some fun” and drench their friends by jumping into puddles. No, really.

Imagine it was raining. Imagine puddles were forming. Imagine walking to get lunch in the city when a colleague jumps in a fucking puddle right in front of you, drenching you in filthy rain water. You’re understandably upset. You might even say, “what the fuck?”

“Hey chill out man… don’t you know it’s Step In A Puddle And Splash Your Friends day?”

Imagine that happening in real life. Imagine.

I blame social media.

I blame social media for most things, but I especially blame social media for this relentless, powerfully stupid onslaught of theme days, clearly designed to get some bullshit product ‘trending’ online.

Bean Day

Shortbread Day

Whipped Cream Day

Bird Day

Spaghetti Day

Festival of Sleep Day

These days have all occurred over the last month alone, that is a deadset fact. That is real. Each and every goddamn day belongs to some product or foodstuff and jesus wept the madness will never end.

I don’t know why this bothers me. It shouldn’t bother me.

But I have to be realistic here. I have to be honest.

It bothers me.

With the exception of days that raise awareness of real preventable issues, like World Immunisation Week, or RUOK day, why the hell do we need to have days for anything? Even Star Wars Day, now a thing because of a silly (admittedly decent) pun, is completely played out and needs to get in the bin.

Talk Like A Pirate Day. Has anyone actually physically talked like a pirate on Talk Like A Pirate Day?

“Yarrr, don’t ye like fun ya land lubber? I’ll make ye walk the plank?”

I don’t hate fun (maybe just a little bit). I just hate decent ideas being exploited and co-opted by brands desperate for attention. Particularly when it deadens the impact of meaningful, important initiatives. Did you know that World Suicide Prevention Day takes place on the same day as fucking Swap Ideas Day.

Or World Blood Donor Day takes place as Bourbon Day?

Who pitches these things? Who approves them? How does this happen? No-one does this in real life. Who is following through with this shit? Why do they exist? These things, these ridiculous things, they live on the internet and they’re just utterly, utterly benign and pointless.

Twitter was a mistake. An enormous, unrectifiable mistake.

Apparently January 29 is Curmudgeons Day.

Perfect. Just perfect. Only 340 days to go.

(It’s also Cornchip Day, Free Thinkers Day and Puzzle Day.)

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