Whether you’ve been asked out by someone you’re not interested in or you’ve been at the receiving end of a rejection, we’d like to know your thoughts on the best way to turn down a date.
I recently read some advice from Andrea Syrtash, relationship expert and author of He’s Just Not Your Type (And That’s A Good Thing) on how to dole out a rejection in the least hurtful way.
If you’re asked out by someone you’re not familiar with and not interested in, she suggested saying “I’m flattered, but I’m not available.” (which would be a white lie if you’re not really in a relationship). For someone you know well and they know you’re not in a relationship: “I’m so flattered; thank you. But I feel like we’re more suitable as friends” or, “I’m not in that place right now.” (effectively friend-zoning the person).
I’ve been asked out by someone who I only saw as a friend. I’ve also been at the receiving end of a rejection. I’m not exactly sure I dealt with either of those situation in the most elegant way possible but I do feel that Syrtash’s advice on this matter is a bit lacking.
That’s why I want to throw it over to our readers. Tell us about the best method you’ve used to turn someone down or a time when you’ve been rejected and have remained on good terms with the person.
Let us know in the comments.
Comments
5 responses to “Tell Us: What’s The Best Way To Turn Down A Date?”
Just be straight up. Its not the end of the world. Stop being a cat ffs. There is no such thing as a friend zone.
It’s a tough one. A rejection, no matter how much you, or they, try to soften the blow, is still a rejection. I always tried (married now!) to be civil, polite, and straightforward. I always reason it’s worth the effort, because you never know when you might run into a person again, even someone you’ve rejected romantically, or under what circumstances! For an unknown person I might have said ‘sorry, I’m with someone else’, or if it was someone I knew, ‘I’m sorry, I like things as they already are between us.’ I would avoid the ‘friends’ stuff tho. Here’s the thing, it’s never easy, but we ALL get rejected at some point. Also, I think it’s better to ask, than not to, and I know a lot of people in that category, who won’t do a thing!!
I’ve never been ashamed of saying I’m not available, or I’ve got something else on, or the like. Its very true: I’m not available [to you] and I have something else on: staying at home reading. Both quite legitimate and a non hurtful way of sending a message to a perceptive person. If you really do want to be with them, make a counter offer for another time.
There’s nothing wrong with a “sorry, I just don’t want to”. You don’t owe these people an explanation.
Long time since I’ve had that problem. Man, I’m old.
Equal to your behaviour is how they respond to the moment of rejection. The spectrum from fine, to slighlty arkward to the person breaking down crying infront of you. It doesn’t say much for their self esteem, personal control or warrant a pity ‘reversal’ of your decision.
But it sure makes coupling hard. I don’t use dating apps but I wonder whether serial users find it easier to accept rejection?
Maybe @Spandas just got shot down?