Dear Lovehacker, My boyfriend and I are trying to be more sexually adventurous and he suggested trying "pegging". Should I be worried about him being secretly gay? Thanks, Peggy.
I had a secretly gay boyfriend once, and pegging had nothing to do with it. He reacted by developing a penchant for muscular black American guys. I reacted by accidentally making out with a mental patient. But that's a story for another time.
Male heterosexuality in the modern age is complicated. Hell, sexuality in general is. Just because your man wants you to don a strap on doesn't mean that he likes dick.
It's a shame, really. The misconceptions surrounding arse play means that many men are too intimidated to explore it, lest they be labelled homosexual.
This sexual stigma is so deeply ingrained in society that it's barely even talked about. It's the ultimate taboo. The only time it enters the cultural vernacular is when shows like Broad City have the guts to make it a part of the conversation. Incidentally, it worked and the media ate it up.
But let's get real. I've done it.
One of my exes wanted to explore pegging, and I was really apprehensive at first. I wasn't worried about his sexuality, rather the change in dynamic. For him, it was a power reversal fantasy and I didn't know if I had what it takes to be in control like that.
You know what? It was mind blowing.
You may think you're taking charge when you're on top or tying a man up, but for me, none of it compared to actual penetration. You would not believe how confident and powerful you feel.
I thought that wearing silicone genitalia would feel silly at best, and unnatural and unfeminine at worst.
I couldn't have been more wrong. I felt strong, confident and sexy — and he noticed. It was a turn on for him to have me take charge of the situation both physically and mentally.
The experience also brought us a degree of intimacy that I didn't expect. I don't know if it was the act of penetration or the fact that he could understand sex from a female perspective a little clearer, but it brought us closer together.
The fact that he feels comfortable enough to discuss this with you is a really positive sign. He clearly trusts you, which is significant considering that it's such a delicate topic. This bodes well for the future of your relationship.
And let's not forget that guys love sex and orgasms. The anus can produce an extraordinary amount of pleasure for men thanks to the prostate gland. Gay gentlemen don't just bang this way because it's the only available hole — it also feels really good. Some even say it's the ultimate orgasmic experience for a guy.
If your boyfriend is confident enough in his sexuality to want to experience this, good for him. I say go for it.
If you don't want to dive right in, maybe try experimenting first. See how you both feel about a finger or two before working your way up.
Who knows, perhaps it will become so ingrained in your sexual roster that it will be fun to see how much he can end up taking.
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