When an adversary asks for a favour at work, criticises you in conversation, or even just offers up a perfectly valid point, it’s easy to get grumpy about the whole affair simply because you don’t like them. Harvard Business Review suggests recalibrating your assumptions by reframing their points as if they’re coming from someone you actually like.
Photo by Robert Couse-Baker.
It’s a silly little mental trick, but it can work wonders. Essentially, it’s about removing the person you don’t like from the equation and substituting in someone you do like. The result gets rid of you prejudices and hopefully on your way to something more constructive. Here’s an example:
Once you can visualise that [adversary] vividly and even viscerally, imagine the following scenario: You’re sitting at your desk working away when a message from that person pops up on your screen. You open the message and it reads: “I got the draft presentation you sent. I caught a couple of mistakes, and I have some ideas for how to make it better. I’ll drop by your office at 3 PM to discuss.”
Now, wipe that person out of your mind. Instead, conjure up the colleague with whom you get along really well, the person who always has your back. This is the person you go to when you want to calibrate on an important issue. Once you have that person in mind, imagine this scenario: You’re sitting at your desk working away when a message from the person pops up on your screen. You open the message and it reads: “I got the draft presentation you sent. I caught a couple of mistakes, and I have some ideas for how to make it better. I’ll drop by your office at 3 PM to discuss.”
It’s just surprising how much this can change your mood. Sure, that adversary might still be a jerk, but at the very least, you’ll now have a better chance of getting something productive out of the whole experience.
A Mental Trick to Help with Challenging Conversations [Harvard Business Review]
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