Speak Your Unspoken Rules To Improve Your Relationships

If you’ve ever gotten upset with a loved one over something that “should” be obvious, you probably have some unspoken relationship rules. If you want that relationship to get better, start speaking them.

Photo by PoYang_博仰.

As tips blog Barking Up the Wrong Tree points out, many of us have a habit of getting upset over violated rules without ever voicing what those rules are. Maybe we think it’s obvious that you shouldn’t interrupt people. Or that it’s rude to not split the check. However, not all of these things are as obvious as you might think. If you don’t voice why you’re upset, your relationship is going to keep tripping over the same hurdles:

And I know what some of you may be thinking: “But ____ really should be obvious. They should know that. I shouldn’t have to say it.”

“Should” is a really problematic word. You’re saying the universe needs to bend to your will. Try the word “should” with the weather and let me know how that works.

What’s obvious to you is not always obvious to others. We can all have very different interpretations of the same things. It’s a lot better to make things clear than to assume that your needs are obvious and the other person is inherently evil.

The consequences for saying how you feel and discussing it are usually an awkward conversation, or maybe one small fight. The consequences for keeping your unspoken rules unspoken are an endless series of inexplicable fights and negative feelings. If you want to avoid those fights, start talking.

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