A Threesomes Etiquette Guide For Couples

No longer the stuff of fiction and pornos, having a threesome is becoming more commonplace in a time when sexual liberation is in full swing and unconventional relationships are on the rise. Some couples are eager for experimenting with the three-way format but it’s never simple when emotions are at play. We have a few pointers for couples looking for a playmate.

Funny feet image from Shutterstock.

Our perception of love and sex are constantly changing and we’re now at a point where people are more accepting of relationships that fall outside of what is considered the social norm. Some of us have a kinky side and that’s not necessarily a bad thing and it’s great if you find a partner who is willing to have some interesting sexual experiences with you. A threesome is something that a lot of couples are curious about but have never tried before because they are unsure of all the finer details.

We spoke to Bruce* who has been in open relationships for five years and has been involved with a number of threesomes with his partner. We also had input from Jane* who has been the willing participant to three-ways with couples. Here’s some of the x3 wisdom they imparted.

Broach the topic with your partner gently

Having a threesome is a common fantasy but making it happen is the tricky part. If you’re in a relationship, there is the added difficultly of having to convince your significant other that it would be a fun couples thing to do. Approaching the topic is a delicate matter since you don’t want to make your partner think they are inadequate or no longer satisfying your sexual needs.

Bruce suggests floating the idea with your partner while watching group sex pornography together. Your other half is likely to be more receptive of watching a threesome as opposed to actually participating in one at the beginning. You can then gauge whether it’s something he or she would like. Ask them to fantasise what their ideal threesome scenario would be. If you get positive feedback from that, you can initiate phase two: setting the ground rules.

Have some guidelines in place for maximum protection

Once you and your partner have agreed to give a three-way a go, it’s best to lay out some rules that cover before, during and after the deed is done. Bruce and his girlfriend talk through what is acceptable and what was not well ahead of their threesomes. Will penetration be involved? Is kissing the other person strictly prohibited? These are all the things that need to be discussed and clarified beforehand to avoid any ill feelings and misunderstandings afterwards. This step is crucial if you don’t want to ruin your relationship.

For Jane, understanding what the couples have agreed to helped her relax and made the sexual experience all the more pleasurable, so that’s an added bonus.

The hunt

There might have been a time when finding someone for group sex was so difficult it bordered on impossible. But thanks to modern technology, it’s not as hard as it once was. For iPhone users, you are lucky enough to have an app called 3nder, which is specifically made to help couples connect with singles who want to hook up for threesomes.

Sadly, 3nder isn’t available on Android just yet, but there are always online forums such as Fetlife where you can meet likeminded people with interesting sexual proclivities. Bear in mind, some of the activities that Fetlife users engage in may not be your cup of tea, but there are those who are happy for some basic group sex fun. As always, use appropriate caution and protective measures whenever you're dealing with strangers.

For those who want to do it old school, you can try meeting people at fetish events such as The Sydney Hellfire Club’s monthly bashes.

Location, location, location

All three people will need to decide where the sex will take place. Some couples are happy to welcome a stranger into their homes for a good time while others may prefer to do it in a hotel room. Either way, this will depend on what all parties are comfortable with.

For Jane, the location doesn’t really matter but one piece of advice she did have was for everybody to meet at a public place first, such as a bar or restaurant, for a casual chat. This feels a lot more natural than diving head first into bed and can also help to build up the sexual tension; never a bad thing. It also means couples and singles get to know each other a little better and make them more comfortable when they’re all naked and climbing on top of each other.


We won’t get into dirty details about fornication because what’s good and what’s not is all dependent on personal preference, but the tips we’ve provided here will at least help you along your way to three-way bliss.

Have you been in a threesome before? Do you have any insights you want to share? Let us know in the comments.


Comments

    My wife and I were in the LS and in an open marriage for over 6 years. Threesomes were a big part of it. I would recommend the taboo fun to everyone.

    So the Hellfire Club is a Kink / fetish event... Not a swingers club for unicorns looking to join a threesome! yes there are people there that like to swing and have poly dynamics, but dont go there looking to pick up a third for you and your partner! thats not what its about!

      Hi there!

      Understand your point, but the advice is more about going to events to meet open-minded/like-minded people :)

      Cheers!

      Spandas

        there are more suitable events to goto for meeting like minded people... only go to hellfire if its Kink/fetish your into... they do have strict door policies! Also recommend fetlife.com to join a social network for kinky people... there are links to Munches and other social gatherings. Once again though none of these events are primarily for "hunting unicorns" but would be good to introduce people to real life open sexualities... however never assume just because sombody is kinky / poly / open that they will just want to jump into bed with you... Consent and negotiation are community bywords!

        Hi Spandas! Just curious, is your first name really Spandas? If so, where did it originate from?

    My other half is keen to get another lass into bed with us, but she has standards so high it boggles the mind. I don't think it will happen :(

    What's André the Giant doing in that photo.

    I'd recognise those feet anywhere.

    Hellfire is a place where many people of diverse sexualities and sexual practices come together. You should be able to broach a wide range of fetishes, and sexual practices with other people at Hellfire. Yes, it's probably easier to talk to people at Hellfire about wanting to try different sexual practices than other clubs. We have no problem at Hellfire with respectful dialogue about different sexual practices, just with pestering and haranguing others for sex.

    You will however not get into our club without participating in our dress code, which is fetish, formal or fancy dress - in fact it helps if you have an interest in fetish, because that's what most people who attend come for, and they might find your offer of a threesome rather boring.

    Do take note: if you harass others for sex at Hellfire, including threesomes, you will be asked to leave without refund.

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