It's official: squirting has become "a thing". Once considered fringe, many people are now eager to have the novel, intense, next-level orgasmic release that squirting offers. Here's what you need to know to learn how to squirt or to make your partner squirt.
Title illustration by Jim Cooke.
What is squirting, anyways?
Squirting refers to the expulsion of fluid out of a woman's urethra during orgasm. That's the only concrete thing we currently know about it (besides the fact that it feels awesome). Sadly, there aren't a ton of research dollars dedicated to the science of squirting. Scientists out there, get on this!
If you want to learn how to squirt, you'll need to enlist the help of your G-spot. The G-spot is hotly debated in its own right, but researchers agree that stroking the anterior wall of the vagina (the front side) will create a unique sensation that can lead to an orgasm. Most people are fixated on the squirting itself, but what makes the experience pleasurable is the fact that it's accompanied with an intense G-spot-induced orgasm.
The biggest squirting mystery is the identity of the thin, milky fluid that gets released. No one really knows exactly what it is. A recent study claims it's urine, but the study only had seven participants and about as many problems with its methodology. Other researchers say the fluid is generated from the Skene's glands, which is the female equivalent of the prostate. The bottom line is: we don't really know what it's made of, but does it really matter? Even if it was urine, pee is sterile and isn't going to cause any damage. As long as the woman is enjoying herself, who the hell cares what's coming out of her body?
There's also debate over whether or not all women are capable of squirting. Is squirting like riding a bike, where any able-bodied person can learn with practice? Or is it like being able to touch your tongue with your nose, where some people will just never be able to do it, no matter how hard they try? This is a tough question to answer. Some researchers estimate that only a tiny number of women can squirt, while many sex educators say any woman can learn. Fortunately, the process of attempting to squirt is far more fun than learning to ride a bike, so you'll enjoy yourself regardless of whether or not you turn into a human geyser.
Prepare yourself for squirting success
The best thing you can do to support your squirting endeavours is exercise your PC muscles, commonly known as your "kegels.". These muscles wrap around the pelvis, and have been associated with increased chances of reaching orgasm, stronger orgasms, and squirting. You can find your PC muscles the next time you're urinating. Cut off your flow before your bladder is empty. You'll probably feel a "pulling up" sensation. Once you're off the pot, try pulling these muscles up and gently releasing them. Repeat that 30 times daily.
Also: any time you're going to try to squirt, pee immediately beforehand. The type of stimulation you need to squirt often creates a sensation of having to urinate. If you're confident that your bladder is empty, you'll be able to relax and enjoy the sensation more. If you're practicing solo, you can always hang out in the bathtub. If the need to urinate ever feels overwhelming, you can just go ahead and let it rip without having to worry about making a mess. If you're on the bed, you can put down a towel or two to protect your sheets (you may need to invest in a mattress protector if you discover that you're a prolific squirter!). But again, there's no reason to be ashamed!
Open the floodgates
So you've exercised your PC muscles for a few weeks, you've emptied your bladder, and now you want to see if you can squirt. Your next step is to find your G-spot. The G-spot is located just a few inches from the vaginal wall. You can use your fingers to locate it. You're looking for a spongy bundle of tissue that's roughly the side of a quarter. If you press down on it, you should feel like you have to pee. The G-spot usually responds best to very firm pressure, almost as if you were kneading a knot out of someone's back.
If you're on your own, you're probably going to want to use a toy. It's pretty hard to reach the anterior wall of your own vagina with your fingers. Even if you're flexible, your arm is going to be on fire trying to get enough pressure going. The Njoy Pure Wand is my hands-down favourite recommendation. You can also check out the LELO Mona II if you want some vibration with your stimulation. The G-spot is more about pressure than on doing a ton of tricky movements, so try simply rubbing the toy in small circles with a good amount of force.
If you're with a partner, lie on your back and have your partner use a "come hither" motion with their fingers to find your G-spot. Your partner should be in a position that gives them good leverage and is comfortable. Alternatively, they can use a toy on you. Again, focus on small, tight movements with a lot of pressure. And don't forget the lube!
You want to give yourself about 20-30 minutes to reach orgasm. Remember, feeling the urge to pee is normal. You can always get up to use the restroom for some peace of mind, or be unabashed about trying to let go! If it feels like the G-spot isn't "enough" stimulation, you can try rubbing your clit simultaneously. If you feel yourself starting to near orgasm, focus on pushing down on your PC muscles, releasing, and repeating. Bearing down is important because it will help the fluid actually release from the urethra. These steps might sound a little complex, but it will feel more natural when you're doing it. It sounds cliche, but try to relax and enjoy yourself, regardless of what happens!
Don't pressure yourself or your partner to squirt
Squirting has become a new (and fetishized) sexual benchmark for a lot of people. It's great to want to experience another aspect of sexual pleasure, but don't let that translate to pressuring yourself to squirt or feeling "inadequate" if you don't. It should go without saying that if you feel pressured to do it, it's just not going to happen. You have to be relaxed in order to release. Keep in mind that many women who do squirt claim that the squirting isn't pleasurable in and of itself; it's the orgasm that accompanies the squirting that feels good. Focus on the pleasure, ladies!
Similarly, don't put pressure on your partner to squirt. There are far too many people out there who want to make their partners squirt simply because of their own egos. Please don't make your partner's involuntary bodily functions serve as an indicator of your superiority. It's wonderful to feel good about bringing your lady pleasure, but it shouldn't be conditional on whether or not her urethra looks like a dolphin surfacing for air. All together now: focus on the pleasure!
Vanessa Marin is a licensed psychotherapist (#78931) specializing in sex therapy. It's her mission to take the intimidation out of sex therapy and bring the fun back into the bedroom.