It's hard to get excited about sex after sitting in a chair, staring at a screen, and dealing with stressful coworkers all day. No one likes admitting that work is ruining their libido, but you may be reaching a point where something needs to change. Here are seven steps you can take to maintain — and even raise — your sex drive during the work day.
Photo by maradonna 8888 (Shutterstock)
Move Your Body
A healthy sex drive requires feeling connected to your body. A couple of times a day, get up and take a quick walk around your office to get your blood flowing. See if you can tap into your sensuality as you move. Try to really feel your feet hitting the ground. Or give your hips an extra twitch with each step.
Duck into the bathroom or a private office and do a few stretches. You may be able to identify one particular stretch or way of moving your body that helps you feel connected to your masculinity or femininity. Try rocking your pelvis back and forth or rolling out your shoulders.
You can also try putting your hands on your body (no breasts or genitals please!), either while you're at your desk or when you're in a private office. You can graze your skin, massage your muscles, or just lay your hand on different parts of your body. The simple act of putting your hands on yourself is a reminder that you even have a body in the first place!
Wear Good Underwear
Nothing beats the workday blues like knowing you've wearing some hot undergarments under your buttoned-up office clothes. Men, throw away your old stained and ripped boxers, and buy boxer briefs made out of soft fabric. Women can play with matching bra and underwear sets, garters, or lacy thigh-highs.
Do Some Kegels
Your PC muscles wrap around your pelvis like a hammock. To locate them, head to the restroom and start urinating. Try to cut off your flow of urine before your bladder is empty. The muscles you need to use to do so are your PC muscles.
You can practice short quick pulses, and long holds (not while you're urinating, just at your desk). No one will be able to tell that you're doing them, so you can do them while you work or during meetings. Some people find this experience to be arousing in and of itself. PC exercises (also called Kegels) have the added benefit of creating stronger orgasms and better orgasmic control for both men and women, as we've mentioned before.
Give Your Mind A Break
Stress kills your libido faster than just about anything else. Try to avoid getting yourself too stressed out during the day. It's easier said than done, I know, but the simple act of acknowledging that your stress level is ruining your sex life might be just the motivation you need to start finding ways to relax.
Try to give yourself a few mental breaks during the day. Close your eyes and focus on your breath. Imagine that each inhale is sending your breath down to your genitals. Try focusing on just one task at a time. Or try hourly mindfulness check-ins.
If you have an intimate evening waiting for you at home, think about sex a little bit at work. Visualise some of your favourite sexual memories or fantasies. One of the great things about fantasizing is that no one else knows you're doing it when you're doing it. Of course you don't want to get yourself into any situations that require uncomfortable conversations with your HR person, but it's OK to indulge in a few minutes of your own private thoughts.
Some people are wary of thinking sexual thoughts at work because they don't want to feel sexually frustrated. You can't have sex at work, so why tease yourself? I think sexual frustration is actually fantastic! Sex wouldn't be fun if we got exactly what we wanted whenever we wanted it. Longing and anticipation are great ways to keep your sex drive revving.
If you're in a relationship, you can build anticipation with each other by sending naughty emails (on your mobile phone or private email account!) or text messages. Tell your partner what you'd like to do to him or her when you get home. By the time you get there, you'll be ripping each other's clothes off.
Get Yourself In The Mood With Music
Use well-insulated headphones to play some of your favourite sexy songs at work. Some of your favourite sexual memories may be tied to the soundtrack that was playing in the moment, or you may have certain genres or songs that never fail to get you a little hot under the collar.
Create A Ritual
It's hard to turn your mind off after a stressful day at work, so you may find it useful to come up with a "going home" ritual that helps you leave work at work and be present in your personal life.
Once you're home, give yourself a bit of private downtime to unwind. Then try spending at least 10 minutes doing something that engages your sexuality. Move your body, exercise your PC muscles, fantasise, take a bath, or masturbate.
The bottom line is this: if you want to have a sex drive, you have to spend some time and energy taking care of it. Fortunately there are plenty of fun ways to do so!
Vanessa Marin is a licensed psychotherapist (#78931) specialising in sex therapy. It's her mission to take the intimidation out of sex therapy and bring the fun back into the bedroom.