Even if you’ve been with someone a long time, you don’t know everything about their wants, needs and desires. Those thoughts and feelings change over time. Keeping your “love map” updated helps you understand your partner better.
Photo by Chris Hunkeler
Your Tango has some fun ideas about putting together a great date night. If you’ve been with someone for a while, that person’s wants and needs could have changed:
Do talk to each other and update your love maps. A love map is the “part of the brain where you store all the relevant information about our partner’s life” (Gottman & Silver, 1999, p. 48). For example, one piece of information you might know is your partner’s favourite flower. We learn these things about our partner over the years, but we sometimes assume this information never changes. However, what your partner liked 5, 10, or 20 years ago might not be the same today. Knowing and understanding each other is really important and helps you maintain your connection. So keep talking and sharing with each other so you can update each other’s love maps.
One of the reasons couples date is to learn about each other. Date night is a great time to re-learn and see what’s changed. Check out the link for other things for meaningful date nights.