How (Not) To Defuse An Argument

How (Not) To Defuse An Argument
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The art of arguing is something surprisingly few of us choose to master, despite it being a skill that 100% of us could use in our lifetime. It’s not taught in school, and popular media seems to promote one-upping each other in an argument, rather than an ‘everyone wins’ approach. The School of Life’s Youtube channel goes through a few different ways an argument can play out in a relationship, and a few things to watch out for.

It spends more than half the video on what not to do, but that’s probably a good thing, because it’s easy to see things we’ve done before when acted out by someone else. I can put my hand up and admit to more than a few of these. But putting this advice into practice in the heat of the moment? Easier said than done.

Have a look and see if you’ve been guilty of any of these classic mistakes. The video doesn’t go into who’s right or wrong, which is perhaps in itself a statement about how much that actually matters. This is about communication styles, and where to go in your head when your partner isn’t his or herself. And above all, avoiding escalation.


  • If this exists, why don’t we care how a message is delivered if it agrees with our perspective? I mean doesn’t this teach us to communicate with empathy? Where’s the call for that when Gawker tries to start sh!tfights with people they at least should know won’t be able to relate to? If this is an effective way of communication, why don’t people, like, practise it? It astounds me how awful, ignorant and demonizing people are in attempting to communicate their perspective.

  • Yeah, that videos pretty spot on. I can spot a lot of ways I was wrong in previous relationships… especially when I was being a condescending c**t when my partners were genuinely angry at me. I’d do the politician thing a LOT due to learning how to crisis manage at work. Tried to bring it home and holy shit… that was a mistake.

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