A lot of us go around trying to find that perfect somebody. Yet the person who completes you probably isn’t nearly as perfect as you might hope. Use your pessimism to set realistic expectations about the people you date.
Picture: Guian Bolisay/Flickr
The School of Life explains how pessimism can temper our expectations about love:
With that pessimism comes forgiveness for the inevitably very long range of flaws that we’ll discover in them – and they will, of course, discover in us. An optimistic search for the perfect person commits us, eventually, to throwing away everyone we’re ever likely to meet. Yet in truth, the person who is really best suited to us isn’t the person who shares all of our tastes, but the person who negotiates differences in taste intelligently and wisely.
Compatibility is an achievement of love. It can’t be its precondition. To be able to love properly, we have to attend a funeral first. We have to bury a lot of our hopes deep in the ground…It will liberate us to go back out into the world and have proper human relationships that can endure and flourish.
Although romantic comedies would have you think that there’s a perfect person with perfect timing (and that all your problems will disappear as the credits roll), this is real life. Tempering your expectations just a little bit doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll settle for a loveless relationship.
Keep your standards high, and don’t date anyone you don’t want to, but keep in mind that there is no perfect person. Stop looking around for one and you just might find love.
How to Save Love with Pessimism [The School of Life]