Here’s a life hack for the suicidally brave. A husband fed up with his wife’s diminished libido recently decided to keep a spreadsheet of all of the excuses she gave for not having sex. He then emailed her the damning litany to highlight just how often she had knocked back his sexual advances. If your partner never seems to be in the mood lately, maybe you should follow his example.
Bored girlfriend picture from Shutterstock
…Or maybe not. Proving the old adage that “hell hath no fury”, his wife promptly posted the spreadsheet on Reddit for the world to mock and ridicule:
Yesterday morning, while in a taxi on the way to the airport, Husband sends a message to my work email which is connected to my phone. He’s never done this, we always communicate in person or by text. I open it up, and it’s a sarcastic diatribe basically saying he won’t miss me for the 10 days I’m gone. Attached is a SPREADSHEET of all the times he has tried to initiate sex since June 1st, with a column for my “excuses”, using verbatim quotes of why I didn’t feel like having sex at that very moment.
Below is the spreadsheet in question. According to the document, the wife only agreed to sex three times over a seven-week period and 27 “attempts” by the husband. Her excuses ranged from “feeling sweaty” to watching reruns of Friends .
OK, so this foolhardy tactic probably won’t get you more nooky, but at least you’ll have a paper trail of evidence leading to your sexual neglect. This could prove handy during divorce proceedings. Possibly.
Alternatively, you could try staying positive and keep a sexual planning spreadsheet instead. US venture capitalist Brad Feld and his wife Amy are big believers in spreadsheet-driven coitus. So much so that they event wrote a book about it.
“If you can agree on the amount, frequency and type of actions that matter, then you can see whether the entrepreneurial partner is meeting those targets,” Feld explains.