Partner Rejecting Your Sexual Advances? An 'Excuses Spreadsheet' Is Unlikely To Help

Here's a life hack for the suicidally brave. A husband fed up with his wife's diminished libido recently decided to keep a spreadsheet of all of the excuses she gave for not having sex. He then emailed her the damning litany to highlight just how often she had knocked back his sexual advances. If your partner never seems to be in the mood lately, maybe you should follow his example.

Bored girlfriend picture from Shutterstock

...Or maybe not. Proving the old adage that "hell hath no fury", his wife promptly posted the spreadsheet on Reddit for the world to mock and ridicule:

Yesterday morning, while in a taxi on the way to the airport, Husband sends a message to my work email which is connected to my phone. He’s never done this, we always communicate in person or by text. I open it up, and it’s a sarcastic diatribe basically saying he won’t miss me for the 10 days I’m gone. Attached is a SPREADSHEET of all the times he has tried to initiate sex since June 1st, with a column for my “excuses”, using verbatim quotes of why I didn’t feel like having sex at that very moment.

Below is the spreadsheet in question. According to the document, the wife only agreed to sex three times over a seven-week period and 27 “attempts” by the husband. Her excuses ranged from "feeling sweaty" to watching reruns of Friends .

OK, so this foolhardy tactic probably won't get you more nooky, but at least you'll have a paper trail of evidence leading to your sexual neglect. This could prove handy during divorce proceedings. Possibly.

Alternatively, you could try staying positive and keep a sexual planning spreadsheet instead. US venture capitalist Brad Feld and his wife Amy are big believers in spreadsheet-driven coitus. So much so that they event wrote a book about it.

“If you can agree on the amount, frequency and type of actions that matter, then you can see whether the entrepreneurial partner is meeting those targets,” Feld explains.

Business Insider


Comments

    That's creepy as fuck.

    If you're having issues with the amount of sex you're having in a relationship, discuss, don't passively aggressively document it.

      The spreadsheet in and of itself isn't creepy. The creepy part is the fact it's on the internet.

        I dunno, if my (theoretical) partner was doing that I'd be creeped out. What purpose does it serve? A take that (like it is here)? A cruel joke? A one-subject sociological study?

        Some sort of fuel for an eventual fight?

        It's creepy.

          I have to agree it is creepy, he comes of as the sort of man that believes this woman owes him sex, and we all know those men are f**king wrong.

            I think the only time its not creepy is to be used in a term to counter women who at the end of a relationship, or during fights can often come to blame the man for a lack of sex. Having had this done to me, having a list of times i'd tried and been refused would do great justice in disproving them.

            That said.. I wouldn't document it unless it started becoming an issue, and often bringing it up first would be a better idea (and if denied, documenting can be a form of proof).

        Nope. That's creepy. What he's saying here is that his wife is obligated to give him sex and he has marked down all of the failures in her duty. A demerit sheet of failed KPIs.

        Gross.

          Would it be the Same if the roles were switched and it was a woman documenting?

            How is this even a question? Yes. Of course. Treating your relationship like a fucking employee KPI checklist at a fast food joint is fucking atrocious. I mean, how healthy can a relationship ever be if you treat each interaction as a transaction to be tallied and compensated for? The kind of junk in your pants makes no difference whatsoever.

            Also, this is some serious thread necro. This is from 2014.

      +1.

      I think it's pretty clear why she isn't tearing her clothes off at the sight of him.

      It's not only creepy; it documents how this man completely ignores his wife's emotional and physical state of being. I'd also wager he has never asked her, "When do you feel like having sex? Is there anything I can do to help create that situation?"

      No-one needs to justify saying no to sex, but being sick or tired are very good reasons not to be in the mood.

      The spreadsheet could still have had a positive purpose, however. It seems that the woman in question wants to have sex about once a fortnight, whereas the man wants to have sex roughly 9 times a fortnight. It's a big discrepancy, but revealing it could help them to work out their differences respectfully, as the Felds realised.

      Shame the guy had to make such a dick move.

      What if discussing it doesn't work?? It's been 2 weeks since last time, and because we were getting up at 3am to drive to our Valentine's Day weekend and we had to go to bed/sleep earlier than normal, I laid facing him (hoping he would make love to me). He told me to turn my back to him. I said that we couldn't kiss that way. He complained that he wasn't tired and wanted the TV on. I asked him if he could think of something better to do instead of watching TV? He kissed me on the CHEEK and then.............nothing. Then he started mocking me, starting a fight.

      I later discovered that he didn't even set the alarm for 3am, but left it at 6am (the usual time). I feel that the whole scenario and fight were staged to get out of #1 making love and #2 going on our Valentine's Day outing!!!! Then he had the audacity to try to blame the whole thing on me!! That I had started the argument!!!

      ALL I did was ask him if he would find something something better to do than watch TV............(since he wasn't tired ... for a change). Evidently, watching TV is more important than making love to me.

    Or just browse on over to ashley madison or some such web site and improve your supply chain

    I see a pattern of 9 days between 3 nooky sessions. I've been married for 17 years, I'd say that's a win.
    The guy should be checking his calendar and marking off the days to make sure he is prepared for the big night (maybe a sneaky wank earlier in the day so he won't jump the starting gun). Although, I'm afraid after publishing this spreadsheet he may have blown his chances of the tenth day ritual.

    Sorry, but the guy is a twit, and if she has any sense she'll let him know he's on notice for a relationship check... Libido for women is a tricky thing, and trying to embarrass her into sex is just going to make her feel too much pressure... Dude, grow up, take a shower and empty the sack...!

      Well said! As a new mum I have pretty much zero energy left by 7pm, and on top of that I'm usually covered in baby food and feel pretty unsexy. My poor (but understanding) husband has learned to, er, take matters into his own hands!

        On the other hand I think it is just as important to not forget the husband is there and still wants to be intimate with you and there needs to be some effort needs made on the female part and not just knocking him back.

        For example, maybe she could surprise him in the morning rather than having him nudge her at bed time when there is the rejection, which, from experience, makes the male feel unwanted or like shit

          christian - try looking up 'male entitlement issues' to hopefully help you to understand your screwed up view of how the world works (big tip; it's nowhere even close to being all about you). If you have a life that drains your primal desires, I hope your wife/partner is more understanding about that than you are about this. GTFO yourself and try not to think you're the most important person in the world, because (spoiler alert) - you're not.

    If the store's always closed, try shopping down the road.

    @Timmahh I go the other way.
    If you are in a relationship and as the male you are trying to do your part
    "how is your day" "omg I hate that Janice lady too" and giving flowers, chocolates and hugs and providing the emotional support that a women craves then you should be getting what you as a man need.

    At least there should be a once a week even if for the girl its a "chore"
    but in saying that you don't know if the guy is an ass and then just walks up wanting some..

    but it really seems with those excuses that she comes up with the most lame things possible. and instead of possibly discussing things with him she is just pushing out simple lame 1 liners.

      Tell me more about how people are owed Sex as payment for Kindness.

      It really is fascinating and not at all gross!

        I feel you may have misunderstood my wording. so let me rephrase.

        If you are in a healthy relationship the key is to please each other. This circle of pleasing should generate both what the boy (physical) and the girl (emotional) are needing.

        Quite often now though I see boys doing all they are supposed to and then getting almost nothing out of the relationship in the way of the physical side. which lets face it, we need.. its not even just a want.. it is a need..

        And the boy doesn't always feel like showing affection and emotion but we do it to make the other half happy. and they should try to feel the same and return the favour

        I'm not "owed" anything. but if I am not getting out what I am putting in then I am gone

        And please d1ckmaster, tell us more about how playing into a retarded, archaic, malfunctional stereotype of buying flowers and chocolate redeems you and means you deserve anything except a restraining order... ?

        Take the matter in hand, it'll at least save you money on flowers.

      Dude... No means no, you won't achieve anything trying to force or shame her... Sorry, but beating the chest and demanding sex, is a thing of the past. If it's too much of a chore to make the effort to make her feel wanted and sexy, then the relationship is probably doomed anyway. Either flog the log or put in the effort...!

      even if it's a chore

      No. If she doesn't want sex, you're not entitled to it. Marriage or otherwise.

      Now, if you're not getting any, discuss it, absolutely, but you don't resort to bullshit like this.

    This couple seriously need to work on their communication.

      An excellent answer. Both of them are dysfunctional (sorry Timmah, your politically correct answer is blinkered). That's a relationship with troubles on both sides.
      If you are that couple - seek councelling. Communication is dishonest (wife), communication is passive aggressive (husband), and trust/respect very low.

        Oh I think I have enough experience here to have a reasonable theory..! :)

    Good on him, I have thought about keeping a list like this and the only thing that has stopped me is laziness. Been married 26y and still have problems getting laid. Nice of his missus to share what a bitch she is with the world by publicising this.

    There's an article here? I just came for the stock boobs.

    Bit hard to say without a greater range of data but it's potentially a pattern with her own menstrual cycle. Just look at the yes days:

    June 10th
    June 27th
    July 12th

    ... Next date:
    July 28th/29th?

    If it were me i'd be more interested in the excuses part... Signals a lack of passion/lust... It doesnt say anything about the guy... Personal Hygiene? Looks? Articulation? It's all nice to blame it on her but what if the guy looks like this?

    http://www.grimmemennesker.dk/data/media/1/30licew.jpg

    or, you know, you could be an actual decent human being and sit down to discuss the problem

    There's always 2 sides to a story so don't just presume what the guy says is true either verbally or in this case documented via an excel spreadsheet?wtf?(thought i'd seen it all..then again ,perhaps not).The constant rejection by the chick signals that there's a problem.And like a few have stated here,talk to her ffs! Communication is key in a relationship and clearly this couple has plenty of it,or a lack of. Without it,you might as well kiss it goodbye.What this guy did,is definitely NOT the way to let everybody know you ain't getting any from your other half!

    Their relationship is fucked anyway, to be fair if she doesn't want sex then chances are there won't be much of a relationship ten, twenty or thirty years from now. The reality is that sex is a healthy (and beneficial to both parties) part of an adult relationship; while she might have legit reasons for having sex I can understand the guys frustration. Posting this list online is pretty insane, airing ones dirty laundry on the Internet is pretty bullshit. That said a list of these instances is a pretty dog thing to do, but even if they did talk it over the chances of anything happening after this other than a casual bond is very unlikely.

    To me both people seem like pretty average human beings with very low social skills or reasoning.

    On the face of it, these two deserve each other, and they're saving two other people.

    Then again, she is coming home frequently sweaty, tired and disinterested with some incredibly weak excuses to avoid sex, and his behaviour is becoming erratic and defensive and steps outside what appear to be their established patterns, so maybe two other people are the problem...

    The best one I ever heard was "not tonight, you've got a headache".

    I read this earlier today and I'm actually going to go against the norm and side with the guy here. Although I don't agree with the delivery, and we clearly aren't getting all the details, but coming from a sporting/coaching background "stats" are a tangible means to prove what you're seeing. For all we know she may have made a comment about not being missed while she was away for 10 days because he doesn't show interest in her... BOOM. Email, "theory" debunked, "stats" prove otherwise
    Anyway, in the end I think it's all rather funny, neither of them appear to be in a relationship they want, while I'm in a health relationship, sexually and communicatively

    I cant help thinking the stock picture used for this article is generating alot of hits.

    Yeah. The prosecution loves papertrails like this, and it always makes for good viewing on Sixty Minutes after the trial.

    "I only wanted sex." Dunno where we've heard that one recently.

    They're stock?
    I thought for sure they were aftermarket additions.

    The spreadsheet itself was one thing, but sending it to her with a resentful email about not missing her was just stupid.

    If you've noticed you're getting shot down a lot, there's no harm in tracking the reasons you're given, so you can identify any potential problems ("still a bit tender from yesterday" the day after sex? You might want to look at your technique there, mate), and potentially rectify them.

    Based on the details in that spreadsheet there, it looks like she's tired all the time - maybe they need a holiday? Maybe he could take on some of the work she does in the house (I don't know how they divide chores, so he may already be doing a lot of it, but still, doing extra might help), or the shopping, or he could take her out to dinner so neither of them has to cook or clean for a night.

    She also occasionally mentions feeling gross or sick, after the gym or eating too much. She might be refusing sex because she's not feeling happy with her body at the moment. There are a lot of ways, other than attempting to initiate sex, for someone to show their partner that they find them beautiful and attractive. Support her self-image and help her feel good about herself and she'll probably be feeling more interested more often.

    There's also some indication that he isn't choosing good times to ask. If she's doing something else, or you're getting ready to go out, or she's got an early morning so she's trying to go to bed - not good times. Even if she did say yes, she wouldn't be particularly into it, because she's going to be distracted or worried.

    As a lot of people have said, these guys need to sit down and TALK to each other about this. Taking the time to say to her "you haven't seemed particularly interested in sex lately, is there a problem, what can I/we do, do you just need some space for a while?" would be MASSIVELY more effective than a shaming spreadsheet. If there's a problem, they can work on it together. Sending the spreadsheet says that she's the bad guy for not wanting sex, which isn't fair. Talking things through will also be helpful if she's actually being passive-aggressive and refusing sex for other reasons.

    TALKING, PEOPLE. IT'S A VERY EFFECTIVE FORM OF COMMUNICATION.

    While the title and content of the article make me wish i could revoke peoples opinion rights, there is something to be said for the idea.

    General statements or accusations and vague ideas about sexual or emotional issues like this are usually enough to start a fight but wont have enough impact to start to make a change because they hard to come to terms with and easy to brush off as not that bad.

    Its like a food dairy, it could be used really well. on the other hand like a food dairy, documenting someone else and using it against them would be ultra fucked up

    This whole story seemed like "FW: FW: FW: FW: FW: OMG SOOOOO FUNNY!!!!!!!", especially with the snarky "reply" that came that I've seen slathered all over the Facebook-ternet.

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