As in any other area in life, couples tend to get bored and want to try new things. Unlike many other areas, sex has a tendency to result in heightened expectations and unnecessary tension. Make life easier on everyone involved by avoiding goals in the bedroom.
Photo by Kate Farquharson
As adult film star Jiz Lee explains to news site Mic, one of the major problems that couples face when trying new activities is the pressure to do a certain thing a particular way. Discussing what you want to do ahead of time is fantastic for intimacy, but if the conversation leads one or both parties to believe that what was discussed has to happen and anything else is failure, things are going to go wrong:
"Seriously. Fill in the blank ... the best rule to go about doing it is not to make it about accomplishing the goal," Lee said. "Take the pressure off. It's OK if it doesn't happen the first time, or the 50th."
Lee explains that setting "sexual expectations" for your encounter can easily become a recipe for disaster. "There's a chance you'll stop listening to the body's cues and sexual responses, making it harder to do what you're trying to accomplish and you'll set yourself up for further disappointment," Lee noted.
Rather than make sex about getting from A to B, Lee said people should have a different mentality: "Instead, come into sex with a curiosity to try it, but without any expectations of it happening. Try it simply just to try it."
While this is often easier said than done — particularly due to a variety of stigmas regarding sexuality, on top of pre-existing relationship complications — it helps to consider sexual activities through the lens of other shared interests. Couples might try new foods, movies, or date ideas. Trying something new sexually isn't much different. While pressure seems to find its way into the relationship, there's always next time.