Whether from the flu or too much to drink, we all vomit from time to time. What shows character and retains dignity is how we handle the aftermath. Here's how you can recover from puking with grace and elegance.
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Prepare in Advance
Everybody pukes, but few people prepare for it. You can, however, manage the aftermath of a good upheaval if you know what you'll need. That can come in the form of a pocket-sized vomit survival kit.
All you need is a small pouch you can fill with useful items that will help you restore yourself to freshness and clean up the mess. We've offered up our own design, but you can choose whatever suits you. Mouthwash, disposable toothbrushes, and wet wipes all fit in well without taking up much space. You can also use this kit for plenty of other situations when you're short on time and need to clean up a little. Just keep one in the car, at the office, or wherever else you might need it.
Apologise With Confidence
It's hard to remain confident after you lose your lunch, but when you exude embarrassment you're not the only one made uncomfortable. People pick up on the feelings of others around them, and if you're begging for forgiveness while covered in the contents of your stomach you're going to transfer a lot of unpleasant feelings to those around you.
You can recover gracefully if you keep your cool. Apologise for making a mess and just ask for any help you need. Feel free to throw in a mild joke, too. For example:
I'm so sorry! I guess that didn't go as planned. Would you mind grabbing the paper towels from the kitchen so I can clean this up?
That's much better than the alternative:
Oh my god. Ugh. Did I get any on you? This is so gross. This is disgusting. I'm so sorry. Is it in my hair?
When you respond like that — with shock and displeasure — you draw attention to the negative aspects of the situation. Granted, there aren't really any positive ones (except for the relief you probably feel post-puke) but it's not productive to dwell on the problem. If you're mortified, the previously mentioned positive example will get you out of a bad situation faster. Furthermore, if you ask someone nearby for a favour that takes them out of the room, you've got a moment to regain your composure.
There's very little to handling the immediate situation well. Vomit happens to everyone sometimes. When it becomes a public matter, apologise confidently. It's the kind and productive course of action.
Clean Up The Right Way
Vomit sticks around long after it has left your body if you don't take the proper steps to remove the physical bits and the stench. While you can clean yourself for the most part using the little kit suggested earlier, you'll still want to take additional steps to completely restore yourself to freshness.
Get the leftover particles off you with a steamy shower. The steam helps loosen the vomit from any places it may have been stuck (e.g. your hair and inside your nose). When you finish, make sure to blow your nose to release anything that might still be up there. Finally, kill that awful taste in your mouth with some cranberry juice if the mouthwash didn't do its job. If you wind up with a mildly sore throat, a lozenge can help. Not only will it soothe the discomfort, but it can help to cure your awful-smelling breath.
Conduct A Post-Mortem
After you vomit, you should always consider why you vomited. In most cases, you don't want to do it again any time soon. If you might be sick, go see a doctor. If you drank too much, perhaps you need to formulate a plan to drink less. If you experienced some kind of food poisoning, you probably want to retrace your steps and figure out which restaurant to avoid. When you puke, learn to prevent. Find the silver lining in that vomitous cloud by learning how to avoid the problem next time.
Of course, you can't avoid everything. Some people are more prone to throwing up than others. Sometimes you do come down with an illness and can't help a little upheaval. But sometimes you can by taking better care of yourself. If you make an effort to analyse the situation afterwards and find out if you could've handled yourself better, you won't have to waste your grace and elegance on something gross in the first place.