The Goldman Sachs Guide To Surviving The Christmas 'Silly Season'

The Christmas holidays are rapidly approaching, which is basically an excuse to hit more bars than usual in your professional and personal life. Here are 15 tips to survive the silly season with your dignity and sobriety intact, courtesy of investment banking firm Goldman Sachs.

Christmas party picture from Shutterstock

Goldman Sachs' @GSElevator account caused quite a stir when it listed 65 ways to act like a man (we suspect they had been watching too much Mad Men and forgot which decade they were in.)

In its latest yuppie guide, @GSElevator reveals its top bar etiquette tips to get you through the silly season. In typical GS style, the advice on offer ranges from white collar douchebaggery to genuinely useful. We'll leave you to decide which is which!

The definitive list of GS rules for bar etiquette:

  1. Be a regular at more than one bar.
  2. Be patient. There’s no line to get drinks in your refrigerator.
  3. Always tip more than you should. Tipping at a regular bar is a good investment. (I say ‘keep the change’ purely for my own convenience.)
  4. Never tip a bartender on a free round. Thank him or her and tip big on the next round or when you close out.
  5. If you’re having more than one drink, or are with a group of people, just throw your card behind the bar. You can always settle the tab in cash at the right time.
  6. Don’t get drunk on beer when you’re trying to pick up girls: Too many trips to the bathroom. (I spent last night pouring champagne, feeding her dessert, & telling stories of my trip to Bhutan. I’ve never been to Bhutan.)
  7. Never take off your suit jacket. Nobody ever pictures a drunk in a suit and tie. Remove the jacket; destroy the illusion.
  8. Don’t treat a bartender like he’s just some guy waiting until he finds a real job.
  9. If you want to buy a woman a drink, ask her permission.
  10. If you are having friends, colleagues, or a partner meet you out, clear your tab before they show up. It’s not cool if they end up paying, but more importantly, it’ll make you look like the drunk that you are.
  11. If you want to put ice in your Pinot Grigio, go for it. Do what you want to do, not what people expect you to do.
  12. Don’t argue about a tab. If you’re arguing, it’s probably because it’s over a material amount of money. And that means you’re probably not sober enough to argue.
  13. Shots generally only serve one purpose, to speed up the effects of alcohol. There’s a time and a place. And that time and place comes around less frequently after the age of 30.
  14. Always know what you are going to order ahead of time. Have a go-to drink in your repertoire. An old fashioned, vodka martini, a common beer, or even just a house chard. Sit down, take a sip, relax, and then figure out what you really want to drink.
  15. When you’re out with friends, put your damn phone away. (Checking your phone after someone else pulls out their phone is the yawn of our generation.)
  16.  

    [Via Business Insider]

    See also: Become A Man's Man With These 65 Life Hacks From Goldman Sachs


Comments

    Yuck. Am I think only one who thinks this list should be:
    1) Don't act like a horny teenager with a chip on their shoulder who's won the lottery and wants to get really drunk and then get their end away, like, every night, cause y'know that'd be cool, and not a pathetic excuse for an existence.
    Too much?

    Advice on how to behave from Goldman Sachs, the GFC's vampire squid on the face of civilization. Way to go!

    The second half of number 11 seems to run counter to what the rest of the rules dictate

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