Top 10 Ways To Annoy A Vegan

Vegans. Yeah, right. Many vegans are so pompous that the mere act of breathing will be enough to set them off, but for the rest here are some meat-laden tips to make them feel worse while you feel better. Why? Because it's Evil Week, and because meat.

Picture: Getty Images

10. Buy them a leather jacket

9. Add milk to their tea

8. Suggest that the same picture would be used for "vegan" and "virgin" in an illustrated dictionary

7. Dress as Lady Gaga for Halloween

6. Loudly proclaim "If we were meant to drink soymilk, beans would have udders"

5. Stage a surprise birthday party for them at KFC

4. Confuse them with a fruitarian

3. Replace their Twitter avatar with a meat platter

2. Tell everyone's favourite vegan joke: "How do you find a vegan at a dinner party? Don't worry, they'll let you know."

1. Two words: real bacon

This post is part of our Evil Week series at Lifehacker, where we look at the dark side of getting things done. Knowing evil means knowing how to beat it, so you can use your sinister powers for good. Want more? Check out our evil week tag page.


Comments

    Step 11; hate someone else for their beliefs in the name of personal entertainment, whether ironic, post-ironic, or any variation of..

    That's one way to hack life, I guess..

    Last edited 30/10/13 4:06 am

      I think the point here is that this is a list of things *not* to do, I suspect that some of these are listed because they have actually *happened* to vegans.

      I can't think why else the KFC surprise party would be here, for example. It's the sort of clueless insensitivity that could only happen in real life. "I enjoy it, so *they* must enjoy it."

      It's evil week dude. The implication: following the advice of this article is evil.
      You.... you do get that, right?

      Well done Michael, you've just re-enforced the stereotypical view of vegans, as dour, sour, self-righteous humourless jackasses.

        I'm not a vegan. Well done though on trying to apply YOUR stereotypes to me. The irony is incredible.

          Thankyou so much for starting this conversation thread and your posts completely missing the point repeatedly. You are a master troll.

    Evil week; because the one thing this world needs is less compassion.

    Wow, filler of the worst kind. If the idea doesn't work, give up on it, don't just publish it anyway.

    Let's guess who in the respondents list is vegan ... come on guys, a sense of humour is not solely the carnivores!

      I'm a meat eater, but I'm not finding this all that funny. It reads like an excuse to bash vegans under the guise of a special feature. Actually, I've not found a lot of this week's articles funny, for similar reasons.

    Whether or not you think this is funny is one thing, but I'm sure this is in no way a life hack.

    You only want to 'annoy' a vegan because inside you feel really guilty for all the animals you have caused to suffer, and you just project that feeling onto the poor vegan who is trying to practise compassion.

      Is that a serious statement? If it is that would have to be up there with the most misinformed comments floating on the internet. It's a shame you're only a guest otherwise I could've followed your humorous endeavours on this site.

      Are you aware that if we had no meat industry, all the animals we eat would die out?

        No meat industry would probably mean we wouldn't have those animals in the first place. It is however very ignorant of vegan types who think that by eating only vegetable material that no animals suffer.

        If we had no meat industry, I guess I'd have to go back to animals fighting each other to death for my amusement.

        So it'd be okay for me to have a slave if they were completely dependent on me and would be unable to survive otherwise?

          I dunno. Would you rather die or be a slave?

          Personally, I don't think animals really know the difference. They're probably blissfully unaware that they're going to die until they're about to die. I'd be pretty happy if I could be so ignorant.

            Though purely for the sake of sophistry I note that;
            1) Livestock are not kept in the most idyllic of conditions - for example hens that have their beaks cut off (and i'm sure that's just the tip of the iceberg of how animals are treated in the quest of efficient raising of livestock)
            2) I don't think that the fact they're unaware of their impending death is necessarily a moral justification. Just as someone being shot in the head cannot be justified on the basis that they didn't see it coming and they probably didn't suffer.

            Plus I suspect that livestock probably would be able to survive out in the wilderness.

              1) Livestock are not kept in the most idyllic of conditions - for example hens that have their beaks cut off (and i'm sure that's just the tip of the iceberg of how animals are treated in the quest of efficient raising of livestock)

              Of course, animal cruelty is awful and I would never support it. That sort of shit is abhorrent.

              2) I don't think that the fact they're unaware of their impending death is necessarily a moral justification. Just as someone being shot in the head cannot be justified on the basis that they didn't see it coming and they probably didn't suffer.

              You're right, but that's nature. I don't see many animals that care about this at an equal amount.

      No we only want to annoy a vegan because inside we really love trolling for teh lulz!

      Not at all true. I want to annoy them because ribbing your mates for their personal choices is a part of Australian culture. I can just think of better ways to do it than those listed here.

      If we weren't meant to eat animals they wouldn't be so tasty! :)

      wow, some vegan fool said the EXACT same shit to me today. lmao.

    Dedicated carnivore, but mocking someone else's lifestyle choice is never funny.

    Is it too much to ask for Gizmodo not to be a Bully?

      I guess you didn't see the memo about this being "evil week"

    Why is this article even here?

    I could never be a vegan bacon is just too good.

    And I'm not that bothered by being at the top of the food chain.

    This would be funny if I was still immature and in highschool, but I'm not. Some of my friends are vegan, but they're not the kind of vegan who proclaims that their way of life is better than mine because I choose to eat meat, I don't do the same. I eat junk food that tastes nice, and they eat healthy food that makes them look good.

    Now if only I decided to have a more healthy diet ...

      Choosing to eat vegan doesn't mean you eat healthy... There's a whole lot of processed crap food out there that fits within the vegan diet. Choosing to eat all natural foods that aren't animal related on the other hand

    Hilarious, good tips for next time I come across one of those militant vegans.
    For those that missed it, the post is only here because its evil week, in other words its a joke.

    The level of stupidity in the comments section of people who have missed it's "Evil Week"... Well it's...... it's OVER 9000..

    This is not a serious article guys - Just a bit of fun.

      Oh ok. So the next article can be on 50 ways to taunt a coworker who is deathly allergic to eggs....

      Jokes generally don't choose a segment of people with certain life requirements/conditions and aim to make them feel bad about that.

      (PS: not a vegetarian or vegan)

        Being dealthy allergic to something isn't a choice, choosing to be vegan however...

    How is this related to life hacks? Completely unnecessary article

    I have always found it interesting to see where people draw the line. For example a leather jacket is wrong to some people, but they will buy bone china. Pigs can be found in ammunition, medicine, photo paper, heart valves, brakes, chewing gum, porcelain, cosmetics, cigarettes, conditioner, car paint etc. Where do you stop?

    The other 51 weeks of are considered "good week" where we slaughter billions of animals.....

    One way to annoy a meat eater:
    www.earthlings.com

      My boyfriend is a vegetarian because of that movie. I promised him I would watch it. When I was done I called him and was just like. Yep. Still gonna eat meat. I guess I am evil...

        Maybe this will change your mind: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2nlpe2X7o-0

        Hell is for pigs.

          Nope... Guess you can just call it cognitive dissonance. Because I think that's atrocious. But still won't become vegetarian because of that. I should note, though, that said boyfriend and I live together so I eat vegetarian 75-90% of the time. I just don't feel strongly enough to actively pursue vegetarianism full time.

    I think its important to take the piss out of any group of people who are too zealous for there own good but this article is pretty eh, feels like 'Must fill quota'.

    Lifehacker, you're better than this. Leave this kind of garbage to buzzfeed.

    As a Vegan, not only is this article insulting, it is f***ing stupid.

    If vegans love animals so much, why do they eat their food??

    10 more realistic ways to annoy a vegan as an omnivore:

    10. Say "wow that looks way too healthy for me" every time they make lunch.

    9. Instagram photos of cute farm animals "you just love so much" when in the country / at the Easter Show.

    8. Be outraged that other cultures eat dogs.

    7. Say repeatedly how much you love animals while eating a ham sandwich.

    6. Try to insist humans are naturally carnivores because we have canine teeth (even though all mammals have canine teeth).

    5. Be rude and dismissive to them at your restaurant even after they rang in advance to check you had vegan options.

    4. Serve them yoghurt as part of their pre-ordered "vegan meal" on a nine hour international flight.

    3. Ask "Where do you get your protein?" again.

    2. Eat all their hummus.

    1, Call yourself the Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals while endorsing killing and eating pigs, chickens, turkeys and eggs.

    I once had a vegan tell me that eating eggs is 'stealing eggs away from the chicken.'
    Never have I met such a stupid moron.
    Having said that though, I have nothing against vegans in general, there will always be bad eggs (heh) to ruin the stereotype for everyone. From what I can tell, a lot of them are quite serious about what they do, and do it for their own personal reasons. But then there are the attention seeking extremists, who want to make you pull your eyeballs out.

Join the discussion!

Trending Stories Right Now