How To Stay Safe When Meeting Someone From The Internet

How To Stay Safe When Meeting Someone From The Internet

In the early days of the internet, it was standard advice to never meet someone in person that you only knew online. These days, that kind of meeting is much more common — but you should still take a few precautions.

Photos by Simon Blackley, half alive, and Heath Brandon

If you’re meeting someone you’ve only ever talked to online for the first time, it generally falls into one of two categories. Either it’s a social call (such as a date, a hook-up or a party), or a casual business deal (such as selling a laptop on Gumtree). In most cases, the tips here will cover both, but always be careful to take precautions for your specific scenario.

Vet Them Before You Offer To Meet

Traditional wisdom says that you should give out as little information about yourself as possible when meeting someone online. Ironically, your first goal when meeting someone else is to find out as much of that information they shouldn’t be sharing online as you can.

If you have the option, try meeting people on sites that vet their users. Good dating sites, for instance, have extensive profiles. These can be faked, but a convincing and thorough false profile can take a lot of work. Additionally, some services allow users to connect their Facebook profile, which provides some extra information.

Don’t just rely on profiles, though. You can find out a lot about a person simply by searching online. You don’t have to track down every habit they have or ruin all the first-date questions. However, the “Will I survive this encounter with all my parts intact?” question should be settled before you head out to meet them.

For the non-dating crowd, playing it close to the chest is more important. Use disposable email addresses to keep your point of contacts private once your transaction is completed.

Perhaps most importantly, talk on the phone first. Not everyone enjoys phone calls, but you should have at least one or two conversations that aren’t over text-based mediums. If the person you’re talking to says they’re a 20-year-old woman, but they’re really a 45-year-old man, that will be a lot harder to hide on a phone call.

Plan Your Entire Encounter

Once you’ve done your research, set up a meeting plan. Don’t just choose one well-lit, public location to meet at. Choose several. If it’s a date or a social gathering, you may want to leave your initial spot and go somewhere else. If you’re meeting someone to sell or trade something, they may run into trouble finding the place you agreed on. In both cases, knowing several other safe backup locations can help.

Before you head out, set up your smartphone to share your location with your friends or family. Taking someone with you is better, particularly if you’re dealing with something like a Gumtree sale, but let’s be realistic. You’re not going to bring two friends on your first date with someone you met online. In that case, use the virtual buddy system to ensure someone has your back.

How you pay for the outing varies by situation. If you’re going on a date (or going out in general), carrying as little cash as possible can limit any losses if someone tries to steal from you. Credit cards can be cancelled and in the event of theft, you can report charges as fraudulent.

However, if you’re buying something from an individual, chances are they want cash. In that case, only bring the amount you’re offering. If you want to give yourself some wiggle room for haggling, keep your extra money separate. Not only will it help prevent theft, but the seller will be more likely to work with you if they don’t see you rifling through a stack of notes.

Have An Exit Strategy

The counterpart to planning ahead for your outing is planning how you’ll get out of it. For brief business meetups, the entire affair is fairly simple: exchange your goods and be on your way. For friendly or romantic encounters, it can get more complicated with changed venues and extended visits.

Don’t get in a vehicle with someone you don’t know you can trust. If things go south, you want to be able to physically get away from someone as fast as is reasonably possible. You can’t do that if you need a ride from them.

If possible, you should also set up a safe zone nearby where your friends or family can meet you. You may not want to take your friends out on your date, but there’s no reason they can’t be having dinner at the restaurant across the street. If you need an out, they’re only a text message away.

While your plans will be much less involved while dealing with online buyers, there are still certain things you should avoid. Don’t stray from your meeting place. If you’re trading goods, there’s no reason to go anywhere. If you’re performing a service such as cleaning or babysitting, you may not be able to avoid going to someone’s home, but do a background check before you do.

Meeting people online can be dangerous, but it’s becoming more frequent. In truth, it’s not much different from driving a car. We all accept that there’s a risk that something could go wrong, but that doesn’t stop us from taking advantage of the convenience. Just be sure to wear your seat belt.


  • I met my girlfriend online. The first time we met face-to-face was when she flew from Buffalo, NY, to Sydney, Australia, for us to spend two weeks together. One of these weeks was spent driving from Sydney to out Bathurst way, then up north to Brisbane and back.

    The best piece of advice I can offer to anyone planning on meeting up with someone they met socially online, whether to date or as a friend, is SKYPE.

    If a phone call is hard to fake, it’s not impossible (, but if you Skype with someone, you know immediately whether they’re telling the truth about things like age and gender. And while a scammer might consider using a stand-in, it shouldn’t take too long to notice that they’re not quite like the person you’ve been talking to.

    It’s also a little harder to create a false impression in a face-to-face call. You can’t take time to plan your responses, or cover your reactions completely. It’s not completely flawless, but it gives a lot more information.

    (PS: my girlfriend and I have been together for two years now, and while we still live on opposite sides of the world, we travel back and forth as often as we can, and are making plans to move to the UK together to get married.)

  • I’ve met two people online: One was a guy from India that I’d spoken to for years (who had recently moved to Australia for university), the other was my (now) wife, who was originally from the US.

    In the first case, I asked the guy to meet me two towns over at a shopping centre with my wife in tow. Turns out he was exactly who he said he was, and we had a good time catching up.

    The latter, my wife, I invited to stay at my parents place (I was still living with them at the time). We did the webcam / phone call thing, plus I spoke to her parents on the phone also, and did some sleuthing of my own (found their phone number / address in the phonebook, did some cross-checking of info she’d given me etc.). That was in 2006. In 2013, we’re happily married and all that jazz.

  • I’ve met a handful of people from the internet in real life, and all of them have been who they said they were. One girl I met about 12 years ago, dated for a while, and is still one of my best friends.

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