We’re in a generous mood as Christmas approaches, so we’ll be giving away some awesome prizes all week. First up: thanks to HTC, we’ve got an HTC Sensation XE Android phone, valued at $999, for one lucky reader. So how can you win this phone?
The Sensation XE is nicely kitted out, and it should be even more impressive come 2012 when it gets upgraded to Ice Cream Sandwich. But you don’t have to wait until then to win the handset we’re giving away.
To enter, just write a caption (in 30 words or less) for this picture of Senator Stephen Conroy and Kevin Rudd:
The caption we judge the most amusing will be the winner. Extra points for suitable technology references, and we won’t give a prize to “And the knife was this big”, because that’s far too obvious. Entries close Wednesday December 14 at 10am, so get cracking. Full terms and conditions here (and the handset as it ships is locked to Vodafone, if you were wondering).
Picture by Cole Bennetts/Getty Images
Rudd: And so I grabbed Julia by the….
Conroy interrupts: NO WAY YOU DIDN’T?!
Ruddy: “So I was grabbing this droid’s ass at the stripclub and then I got hit in the face by an Ice Cream Sandwich thrown by one of the Apple strippers”
Conroy “Nooooo.. No NBN for them!”
Kevin, Kevin, Guess what, I just got a new Android tablet, which is smaller then yours!
What! is it this big?
“And the Sensation XE was this big” 🙂
No Kevin, “Android” not “Handroid”
“Don’t look now, but there’s a guy behind us with a BLUE tie – not red. Pssht must be an android user!”
Rudd: “It’s called, the ‘Internet’.”
Conroy: “Inter-what?”
I’m in love with Siri and if she was real, I bet she would have huge… brains”
.. and then i said to him “And now, young Skywalker… you will die.”
Rudd: “Look, I’m telling you, we need fibre!”
Conroy: “-the hell does cereal have to do with this? I thought it was just a series of tubes?”
“WIFI, its like the NBN, but no wires! MAGIC!”
“No way!”
“I’ve seen it myself, the internet is about this big”
Rudd: “Try filtering THIS!”
Kevin: “In China, the inter-tubes are *this big*, just to cope with the Great Firewall overheads. They say our NBN just won’t cut it.”
“I love stripy tie day”
I’m having a ball with my Sensation XE!
KR: The internet is not a big truck, its a series of tubes.
SC: No way!
“I asked the IT guys at Foreign Affairs about cloud computing… they told me we’ve got a cloud that’s, like, at least this big!”
Rudd: I bought one of those spam and scam nets Kogan is selling. Covers my computer like this. Now I am fully protected from the evils of the inter-portals!
Conroy: You…but…not even I believe the shit that comes outta my mouth.
Jazz hands!
Rudd: And when you’re not looking… I’m going to grab your NBN with two hands…
Conroy: Don’t you dare touch my NBN!
Rudd: The IT Gurus showed me this little black box and told me it contained the internet. I then dropped it by accident.
Conroy: No way.. all of the the internet is contained in a little black box?
Conroy: Who’s the fool in the blue tie?
Rudd: Some iPhone user, they used to be in the majority.
Conroy: Red FTW.
Rudd: Pull a finger, any finger…
Caption: Kevin Rudd and Stephen Conroy argue about the ratio between the size of the internet and the amount of bullshit Kevin got as Prime Minister.
KR: Do I need to indicate left or right when I go through an intertube?
SC: This is why we booted you.
KR: The sound’s so good on these urBeats headphones, I can’t help but give it the JAZZ HANDS!!
SC: You are like SO cool Kev..
I was looking at this horrible site with a cows…
It should be BLACKLISTED!
KRudd: “Yo, ConJob! Y’all know why I like bein’ FoMo?”
Conroy: “FoMo?”
KRudd: “Foreign Affairs Minister, fool.”
Conroy: “No. Why do you like bein FoMo?”
KRudd: “Angela Merkel.”
Kevin: So where exactly are these spams or scams coming through the “portal”?
Rudd shocks Conroy by showing how large his NBN box actually is
Kevin Rudd explaining to Stephen Conroy the scene in Return of the Jedi when Emperor Palpatine zaps Luke with lightning from his fingertips.
“You know that trust exercise, where you fall back and have someone catch you with their hands out like this?”
“Yeah?”
“Never play it with Julia.”
Conroy: “Wait what? Are you for real?”
Rudd: “I’m not yankin’ ya chain Steve, I swear. It was seriously this big. I know i’m having a hard time believing it myself!”
Thanks to Mr Rudd’s skills at explaining things to those less competent, it was at that moment that Stephen Conroy finally figured out how to unlock his iPhone after his daughter had played with it.
Fixed:
Thanks to Rudd’s skills at explaining things to those less competent, it was then that Conroy finally realised how to unlock his iPhone after his daughter played with it.
Rudd: “So this NBN thing.. how big are we talking with the tubes? Like this big?”
Conroy:”No, Bigger! we need more room to accommodate all that glass”
Rudd: So, these fibre optic things, means I can see THIS MUCH porn when Therese is out?
Rudd: Hey Conroy, I heard you can hypnotise a chicken by doing jazz hands like thi…….conroy??
Conroy:…….drool
KR: “Hadouken!……”
KR: “…Sorry, just saw Julia”
Rudd: “So will this NBN thing mean I can be like Tom Cruise in Minority Report?”
Conroy (nodding): “Yeah, yeah, I fink so… you would make a aaaawesome spy”.
You’re going to have to make those NBN tubes bigger. That little green robot is, like, this big!
Rudd: “… and i squeezed her hooters like this when i finished”
Conroy: ” Nice”
Rudd: “and that was how i became your father, son”
KR: This is the size of my left testicle! *cheesy grin*
SC: Between you and me, I’d get that checked out.
Hey, Stephen, I’d like to talk to you about that wedding gift you got my wife…
Being IT illiterate, Kevin Rudd takes a crack at explaining how fast the internet is in South Korea.
Rudd: “Fibre to the home?”
Conroy: “Yep”
Rudd: “But to plan that, we’ll need a napkin THIS BIG!”
I’m telling you mate, they look THIS big on that Nexus screen
Kevin Rudd compares Australia’s internet infrastructure to a sauce bottle needing a fair shake.
Rudd: “With NBN, I can use cloud computing to its full extent and regain my control on the Labour Party… Mwahahaha!”
Conroy: “Oh my god! What have I done!? Julia needs to know about this.”
My first NBN bill came in, it was like this big
Rudd – The spams and scams coming out of the portal were this big!
Conroy – What’s an internet?
I hope that my new HTC has voice control, Ive just had my nails done.
KRudd: “史蒂芬，你是白痴，誰不知道他們所創造的爛攤子. 你聞起來像奶酪.”
SCon: “Kevin, that party trick’s so ’07.
KR : Suddenly the NBN
SC: WHAT!?
KR: So I’ve got a Sensation XE that actually works FASTER than the NBN…..
SC: NO!!!
Rudd: To catch a Salmonidae of a length approximate to the distance between these two appendages of mine, one must use a preeminent tool for the hooking of Ichthyoid and an irresistable inveiglement.
Conroy: What?! I thought all you had to do to catch those suckers was to sail past them and dangle a piece of string!
Conroy stares in shock as Rudd drops the ball.
Rudd: “I doubt ‘the internet’ is stored in a box this big at the top of Big Ben…”
Controy: “Um I’m the minister of the internet, I think I would know”
Conroy: I think there is only one way were going to get people to like Julia Gillard…
Kevin: Boob job? About this big…?
KR: You would not believe the size of Gillard’s badonkadonk. I couldn’t even get my hands around it!
SC: No sh1T!
Rudd: Steve quick! mime your favourite act during sexy time!
Rudd blacklists Conroy’s singing by re-enacting Jimmy Bartel’s 3rd quarter mark and goal, while humming “Good old Collingwood forever”.
So I was standing in the slips and Warney texts me on my HTC, saying the cricket stream is too slow over the NBN.
Rudd: So Hillarys were around these high…
Conroy: Shut up,
Steve: “We’ve got to stop the infections coming through the portal Kev.”
Ruddy: “Portals eh Conroy? … *snigger..”
“So I took my hands off the wheel and the car parked itself!”
KR: So I’m sitting on his knee and I’m like, “Santa, the pile of badpress on me on the net is getting like this big – my christmas wish is for all of it to disappear”, and then he’s all “HO HO HO you can’t control what’s on the net”…
SC: What! But?! …damn… all my work…!
KR: yeah i know right. But then he winked, gave me a pinch on the cheek and said my secondary language skills may yield answers in this regard… Whatever that means – so asked him for an Angry birds plush cushion instead.
KR: If this is how big the portals are, how big is the filter?
SC: Stop talking… stop talking
“Fair shake of the sauce bottle mate”
This “Portal” thing is amazing Stephen! You can find anything on it. Just quietly, its even got boobies this big! Be careful though, every second boobie is a scam or a spam.
Rudd: Excellent, so all your interwebs are belong to us!!!!!
Conroy: You got it Ruddy………100 per cent accurate, no overblocking, no underblocking and no impact on speeds.
KR: So this Ice Cream Sandwich…… how big are we talking? This big Maybe?
SC: Uhhhh…..
KR: “I saw this video where the guy was all like…”
SC : “THERE’S PORN ON THE INTERNET NOW? SINCE WHEN?”
Conroy: Wooow! Unbelievably! In the small country like Montenegro was made something like that?
Rudd: oooh! Yeeaaah! it was great invention. Ah, something like ‘Think global, act local!
the urn of steve jobs needed to big this big just to fit his ego in
Dual-Core Successor.
Shown: Unfortunately, Australia’s confidence in Rudd isn’t quite as solid as Conroy’s confidence in his prowess as a fisherman.
So I’ve ordered a new keyboard for when the NBN goes live
I’m going to sit there waiting.. like *this*
Rudd: I said to Obama, pass me the ball, I’m open.
Conroy: What did he do?
Rudd: He went straight to the hoop and dunk.
Conroy: Wow!
SC: How much underground cable do you reckon we’ll need to finish the NBN?
KR: ‘Bout that much should do it.
KR – It does not matter if its an iphone fanboy or android fanboy, there both going to say there’s is this big.
SC – Mine is.
I like big butts and and can not lie…..
Kev: You’re a much bigger dickhead than me, I’m only this much of a tool I mean “spams and scams” FFS
Steve: Faaaaaaaark you!
KR: Conroy set the NBN to power to 10…
SC: The NBN Can’ne go much faster capt’n
Yes Kevin, that’s how many working families have had their computers infected by spams and scams that come through the portal.
Rudd “And then I ate an entire waterlemon”
Conroy “NO WAY”
Conroy: So, these tubes that make up the internet. How big are they supposed to be?
Rudd: The researchers suggest that they may be about this big.
KR: So after the filter is put in place, only THIS much of the internet will be available to Australians, and we can tax people to access the rest!
SC: Internet, eh? Is that the facetube thing?
Rudd: …so it’s called Pirate Bay
Conroy: no way….send me the link
Look you just grab Julia by the arse like this and push and I guarantee she’ll twitter.
http://memegenerator.net/instance/12194166
Yea im so starting a Scumbag keven meme
Conroy: So the Internet Filter’s going to be introduced next year, we expect…
Kevin: Wait, so I can no longer enjoy my daily viewing of…
http://memegenerator.net/instance/12194231
And the new pipe for the internets to come through will be this big!! Go NBN!!!
Kevin: Hey Steve, steve! Did you know you can ride the intertubes…bareback… like riding a pony…
Conroy: REALLLLY?!!!
Kevin: *stiffles laughter*
…and I never grabbed Julia again.
Ahhh, yes Stephen, I use broad bands to exercise my fingers… like this, see?
Uhh… You mean rubber bands, Kevin?
Twanggggg…
Oh.
Rudd: Aliens Conroy, aliens are why I’m not the PM anymore.
…and then I felt her hands reaching around my neck from behind, like this…
Rudd: We will only have this much space left in the tubes if we don’t build the National Broadband Network
Conroy: The tubes? Full? NOOOOOOO!
KR: You know this interwebs thing connects the whole word… my friends in China have a solution for that.
Conroy: On the scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your last Australia Network tender blunder?
Rudd: Let’s see, uh, ten times this big….?
KR: I have a dream
SC: That you were in a room filled with people with red ties, except for one guy?
KR: What? No that the next stage of 3D screens will emulate 3D touch.
Conroy: iPhone or HTC?
Rudd: I did have an iPhone, then I took an arrow in the knee
Conroy: Much blood?
Rudd: About this much….
“Oh, so that’s how you hold an iPhone to get the best reception!”
Conroy: *GASP* My new Samsung Galaxy Tab! How could you drop it like that?!
Conroy: I already told you Kevin, I’m not adding juliagillard.com to the blacklist.
Kevin “So I open the Telstra bill and it was THIS BIG.
Stephen ‘ NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. From Telstra?
SC: Julia been teaching you new dance moves again?
KR: Yeah, this one’s called the polar bear.
SC: Why’s that?
KR: Because we’re all skating on very thin ice.
Stephen Conroy looks on in terror as Kevin Rudd pushes down Prime Minister Julia Gillard after she suggests they consider canceling the NBN.
FREEZE! The guy behind you is wearing the same tie.
-Rudd whispers- Goddammit.
“And I went up behind Abbot in his speedos, and then I….”
“I have this many Internets”
Conroy: ‘So what advice did Siri give you about grabbing boobs?’
Rudd: ‘Grab them plainly… still got slapped by Julia’
And when you want to count beyond ten, just ask a friend to help you out.
Rudd: Just tell them that the NBN is powered by Hamster Wheels this big, and you’ll have them eating out of your hands.
Conroy: No way!, that is excellent help. thanks
Kevin: Why don’t we just take the tax payer’s money.. And push it into the NBN?
Conroy: You saw WHAT on the internet!?
Rudd: So I walk outside the club and *flash*! They caught me!
Conroy: Oh no way!
Rudd: …It’s a series of big dance numbers. It’s got the people from So You Think You Can Dance, so it’s a lot of jazz hands, and all the singing is done by the past winners of Australian Idol.
Conway: Even Anthony Callea? Whoa!
Rudd: Yup, my kids downloaded a video of it last night. Took ages. Cannot wait for the NBN to get to my place.
” I pushed Michael J. Fox into the Large Hadron Collider and he came back from the future with the HTC Sensation XE.”
“You didn’t have to wait until next year!?!”
KR: You need to grab the sauce bottle with both hands and give it a good shake.
SC: That makes sense now that you’ve demoed it.
Kevin Rudd: “Steve, If you block the internet by domain names, P2P traffic is going to grow THIS much.”
Senator Conroy: “So, It wont stop peoples freedoms?”
Rudd describes length of arrow shot into his knee, Conroy stares in questionable shock over Rudd’s use of an internet meme in relation to Australian politics.
Konroy: what?
KEVIN: It’s sensationaaaaaal (said with spirit fingers and voice to match)
And there it was, staring at me. The last one in white.
KR: Ya seen Julia’s new car?
SC: *nods*
KR: I just got it crushed into a cube… Now it fits in my microwave!
Rudd: At the strip club in New Youk, they were that big. Let’s see your web filter stop them puppies.
Rudd: At the strip club in New York, they were that big. Let’s see your web filter stop them puppies.
I can now leak this many cabinet discussions using my new HTC Sensation XE
Stop complaining… When I was your age, cellphones were THIS big.
No, I did not forget your Christmas present. I got you an iPod5. It has a new app that makes it iNvisible
KR: No thank you. I brought my own cloud.
Conroy: “…so if we invest 8 million on technology for the elderly you’ll get a notification on your (insert device here) when they kick the bucket.”
Rudd: “You’re serious aren’t you? Someone throw a show at me, this guys an idiot!”
I’m just waiting for the pills to arrive, the email said it would be this big after just 2 weeks.
R2D2’s head is exactly this size.
Conroy: So this…. “sandwhich”…. how big was it?
Rudd: It was at least *this big*, and was full of Ice-Cream!
Conroy: Was it Apple?
Rudd: Who in their right mind has apple ANYTHING?
i just dropped my shiny new ipad do you want to pick it up and put it back together for me?
Rudd: i have 10 fingers
Conroy: say waaahhhhh!
Rudd: So I was twittering on my Blackberry and I found a picture of a girl that looked like she..
Conroy: This is why I wanted that Internet censor!
Rudd: So I finally relented and ordered some Cialis seeing as it floods my Hotmail. Let me tell you…Kevin 07 is now Kevin 11 if you get my meaning.
Conroy: OMG
Kevin: I’m entering a contest to win a HTC Sensation. You have to say what Cornflakes mean to you in 10 words. So I said: Cornflakes. Cornflakes. Cornflakes, Cornflakes. Cornflakes, Cornflakes, Cornflakes, Cornflakes, Cornflakes.
Stephen: Pathetic! You’ll never win, Kevin.
Kevin: Why not?
Stephen: It’s only nine words.
I know it’s more than 30 words, but meh – I’m not going to win anyway 😛
KR: I am telling you mate, the internet is not a series of tubes!
SC: No way, are you sure?
KR: yeah, I read it on lifehacker.
And then I said it needed this much RAM.
True! Only 10 more and I have visited every country!
When you figuratively drop the N-Bomb, literally.
KR: My dog has no nose.
SC: How does he smell?
KR: Terrible!
Stephen: Dentists offer oral service to men, women and children, Boss! Can I keep them on the list?
Kevin: Take this invisible volleyball from my hands and leave.
“There are exactly 10 tech-lovers left who vote Labor”.
SC: You got the spirit fingers right, we really need to work on that smile though.
“No, Kevin, that’s the PRE-NBN size intertube. You should see them now! They’ve promised me I can slide down inside one once it’s all finished.”
Kevin Rudd gives a preview of the daily Parliament Magic Show to Senator Conroy that’s due to launch with the NBN.
Rudd reveals to Conroy that his phone utilises the latest “wifi” Internet technology, and that it works up too *that* far away from the router. Conroy enters state of shock and disbelief. [Not in picture: Lifehacker editors cackling themselves with laughter]
KR: I’m telling you Stephen, there’s an app for dealing with the opposition.
SC: It obviously wasn’t working for you.
This is not the Droid you’re looking for.
Kevin: I thought it stood for Hands Touch Cleavage, you know?
Stephen: KEVIN – NO, it’s a phone!! A great, great phone.
Rudd reveals to Conroy that his phone utilises the latest “wifi” Internet technology, and that it works up too *that* far away from the router. Conroy enters state of shock and disbelief. [Not in picture: Lifehacker editors cackling themselves with laughter]
Stephen and Kevin have an awkward moment during question time:
KR: Stephen, are you pondering what I’m pondering?
SC: ” I think so Kevin, but…… us politicians, were not meant to think….”
I was in New York the other day, and Senator Stevens said the US tubes are “this big”, how big will our Australian NBN tubes going to be ??
Rudd: “and then I called the number on the ad, told them I was a pensioner and they gave me a free set top box.”
Conroy: “hehe… Dumbasses…”
Rudd reveals to Conroy that his phone utilises the latest “wifi” technology, and that it works up to *that* far away from the router. Conroy enters state of shock and disbelief. [Not in picture: Lifehacker editors cackling themselves with laughter]
My bad about posting more then once, feel free to delete the two extra ones.
Rudd: As I said, I wanted a Education Revolution.
Conroy: Well, we blew our entire budget on those crappy netbooks.
Rudd: …
I know it’s hard to believe Stephen but with my new HTC Sensation XE I am never caught empty handed.
Conroy: Oh my god bro that strip bar was so awesome…
Rudd: I know bro, That ladies… I swear they were this big…
(proceeds with bro fist)
Seriously, the chinese politicians were given bundles of cash this big from the telco’s!
So you should be able to get double that from Telstra, at least!!
Rudd: You don’t know what they’ve got is sensation, extreme one …
Conroy: Oh no!!! Did they find NBN at the bar ?
“and then i said: Steve! how about a bigger iPod for the stupider gullible people? australias full of them, make it like this big and charge people heaps for it, we’ll be rich!”
“no way!”
“yeah! and then he was like: thats a great idea, but julia already came up with that one, we’re going to have to let you go.
And thats the real reason why i’m no longer PM”
my bad, didnt see the 30 word rule
Conroy: It took ten technicians to set up your internets at home?!?
Ooh. So it’s a NETWORK we’re building. I thought is was about broad elastic bands or something.
Kevin: You’re selling internet censorship the wrong way, Stephen. In China, they call it ‘massaging the truth’. You see, like this…
Kevin: Me and Murdoch made the deal at that club in New York. I said, “I’ll give you the Australia Network, Rupert – but only if I’m allowed a squeeze.”
SC: For the last time Kevin, I’m not going to guess which hand you swype with!
Rudd: ‘…and so the crabs I got from her were like THIS BIG !!!’
Conroy: ‘Whoa, dude! You shoulda worn a filter, um, i mean dinger.’
Rudd: ‘For Realz bro. I should try that NBN portal of yours’
Conroy: ‘For serious? Mate, its chockaz full o scams and spams.’
Rudd: ‘OMG! I was like, this close! For realz!
Rudd: ‘…and so the crabs I got from her were like THIS BIG !!!’
Conroy: ‘LOLZ! Dude, you shoulda worn one of my filters’
Kevin 24/7: ‘So I grab Julia like this, thinking I’m in a stripclub, the next day I’m out of office.’
Ahoy it’s Conroy: ‘Was it was becouse of the way she acts around the cameras?
KR – We need to make a tablet this big !!
SC – First you become prime minister then we can talk about that.
Rudd: ‘Hey bro, whats the go with that NBN portal thingy?’
Conroy: Dude, its chockaz full o scams and spams.’
Rudd: ‘OMG! I was like, this close! For realz!’
Stephen , I’ve seen the actual internet, it’s literally THIS big…
Conroy: I use two fingers when I type, how many do you use?
KR: I have a new secert weapon to win back support within the Labor Party…
SC: An even faster NBN?
KR: Nope – SPIRIT FINGERS!
Conroy: Wait, the NBN isn’t about mobile phones?
Rudd: Damnit Conroy…
Kevin: you see, all this is very simple…
Stephen: Wooooooo oooow
Look Stephen, I know you’re doing your best with the mandatory filtering thing, but I swear, if you start banging on about protecting children one more time I’m gonna…
“Who the hell uses Vodafone???”
KR [via telepathy] : “You know that Flying Spaghetti Monster? The one that’s invisible? I caught it! It’s right here!”
SC: ……
FSM: [via telepathy] “I used to be able to fly, Then I took an arrow to the knee”
John Howard had left a modem this big in Kirribilli.
KR: I used to be able to hold Watermelons this big but then I took an arrow to the knee.
KR: JAZZ HANDS!!!
SC: OMG UPLOAD TO FACEBOOK!!!!
Rudd: Taking a byte from an ice cream sandwich with applesauce when this massive ram enters and causes a sensation! Shhh, Julia’s here.
Conroy: No! You beta tell me more!
Rudd: …and Apple have applied for injunctions here, Europe and the USA saying they have a patent covering my hand gestures.
yeah, the new Jiggli-a Gilly sex doll lets me stab her in the back, if you get my drift
Conroy: What are you doing?
Rudd: Spirit fingers. You know… from ‘Bring It On’?
Rudd: “Lets play charades.”
Conroy: ” Julia Gillard; obviously!”
Rudd: “No, its Kim Beazley!”
So I said to Julia, I’ll take the job you best be handing me that Sensation … and not like the bad one when kicked me out…
Caption:
Conroy and Rudd brainstorm the next Lemon Party.
‘When it comes to the internet, lets just say we’re not out of the woods yet’
Rudd: Would your Internet filter stop me viewing pages of women with huge boobs? Was on there a few minutes ago, and man this one women had an amazing chest.
SC “What’s that new Andriod phone called again? S.. something?
KR “Spirit Fingers!”
Rudd: Julia’s butt was Sensational. Her fart by Dr Dre took my breath away.
Conroy: Oh my…you have just lost my vote
*Conroy: Oh my!!! It sure smelt good but you have just lost my vote.
Rudd: Rob Oakeshott speech was so Long I ate this much earwax
Conroy: I could build A Oakeshott Filter
Rudd: and let the wax harden between my ears
Rudd: By the time Blizzard announce a release date, my Diableard is gonna be THIS BIG!!!
Conroy: zomg!!!
R: They said that they were uploading it to a ‘cloud’.
C: How does it stay up there? Aren’t they like all , you know, vapour-like
R: I’m not sure, the name just makes me think of things that are soft…..
“Where the only thing that stinks more than KRudd is Conroys breath”
KR: You see Conroy, people all over the world want unrestricted internet access
SC: WHAT?!?! So you’re saying people don’t want the internet filter? No one told me!
Steve, I’ve been thinking, I’m going to take over the world with this thing I’m going to build….let’s call it…ahhh…hmmm…..NBN…..whatta ya think u in?
Rudd: So these women, they were something…
Conroy: *Thinks in head* – I better adjust my pants, this story is making me….
Rudd: “Any-ways, I was got my new ‘rig’ last night, placed my 3 tera-byte hard-drive in it and boy was it beautiful”
Conroy: “What!!!, You have a 3 tera-byte hard-drive? I only have a 120 megabyte floppy-disk!”
Disregard first post, did not see 30 word limit. Remade caption below:
Rudd: “So I got my new ‘rig’ last night, placed my 3 terabyte harddrive into it”
Conroy: “What!!! A 3 terabyte harddrive? I only have a 120 megabyte floppy disk!”
Conroy: Don’t we look a like today?
Rudd: Yeah, you are like an iPad and I am a Galaxy Tab! Merry Xmas Apple!
Conroy: Really, Julia just gave you a present, why, what for? I don’t believe it!
Rudd: Yerp, just like that, vote best Deputy PM ever!, wonder what else she has in store? =)
So I said to Dolly “If I turn them like this, I can get SBS”.
SC: May I do some NFC with you, sir?
KR: You’ll have to wait, I’m receiving a crypto of the new Carbon Pollution Reduction Scheme.
Rudd: So, Conroy, how many fingers am I holding up?
Conroy: Derp!
Conroy: I don’t care how much you watch Dragonball Z, you can’t retake the Prime Ministership with a Kamehaha!
SK:i’ve been watching your hand gestures for ages and you do seem slightly robotic occasionally.Do you even know you are a bloody Android?
KR:You mean Terminator…..I’ll be back.
Rudd: the HTC Sensation XE lifehacker is giving away, is locked to vodafone!
Conroy: No! Damn!
KR: The new ‘HTC Sensation XE’ is this big
SC: Get out of town.
KR: and really fast too.
SC: Imagine it running on the NBN, imagine it….
KR: ohhhhhhh wow
Rudd: I strategically shoved all ten fingers in the development of an ambitious long-term plan engagement, with accompanying benchmarks and measurable outcomes . . .
Conroy: All ten fingers, no toes ?
“hey KRudd, you going to be PM again?”
“I was… Until I took an arrow in the knee”
“You serious!?”
“yeah, it was THIS long!”
Rudd: “…just imagine you’re tuning one of those old radios, and pretend her nipples are the dials, they all love it!”
Conroy: “really, you’re sure that works?
KR: I like big butts and I can not lie
SC: All the other brothers can’t deny
KR: That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist
SC: and a round thing in your face….
KR & SC: YOU GET SPRUNG!
Word limit fail
“So, do you see this well researched report confirming that filtering the internet will be effective, popular, and not slow down traffic at all?”
“…no?”
“Exactly.”
Rudd: “so I said to her ‘those aren’t spirit fingers….these are spirit fingers!’ ”
Conroy: “wow Kev, and did she bring it on?”
Rudd: “oh yeah!”
KR: Remember when Egg Shen made lightning with his hands?
SC: Yeah, man! That was cool!
KR: The Chinese can actually do that now. For REAL.
SC: WHOA!
Caption: Kevin Rudd demonstrates the DragonBall Z method for energy focusing (first stage towards flight) to Senator Steven Conroy
Are you sure I can’t use connect gestures on this phone?
It’s true … her bum looks this big!
Rudd-bot: “Help! My arms are malfunctioning! I need re-wiring!”
Conroy: “That’ll be $43 billion, thanks”
Let us talk about the Red elephant in the Room
Have you seen the size of iMacs these days, they’re like this big.
RUDD: “You comment on Lifehacker and you win a HTC phone…. You can’t explain that”
KR: “Stephen, when I am prime minister if you stuff up the NBN again I’ll shove a cable this big up your arse.”
“You mean the Portal is THIS big?”
KR: And my old 2400 baud modem was this big!
SC: Gosh! Just one question Kevvy… what’s a modem?
KRudd: That internet filter needs to block these *flexes fists*
Bet you have never seen these before, my boy, ‘spirit fingers’
Rudd: Got to undo your button and… HIP THRUST!
Conroy: I got to try this!
Rudd and Conroy together: NBN HELL YEAH!
SC: Imma let you finish Rudd, but China has the biggest internet filer of all time.
Stephen: What are Julia’s thoughts on filtering internet porn?
Kevin: She didn’t seem so keen when I showed her how using my hands!
Conroy, we need to talk now! I hear you are planning on filtering 3D Internet porn.
Rudd: I don’t know why all those people say you don’t have the balls to filter the Internet
KR :why to buy this much big tablet because every one thinks it can work faster just we need is HTC Sensation XE and it has Android in it.
SC : HTC Sensation XE ! sounds like future android pc
Senator Stephen Conroy: Why the u-turn on the boat people…
Kevin Rudd: “silent”……. “s… happens “
Emperor_Rudd: Then I said to Abbott “witness the firepower of this fully armed and operational NBN” and lightning shot out of my hands..
Darth_Conroy: What is thy bidding, my master?
So, for the last time, the XE connects to the internet using a THREE-GEE or HAICH-ESS-DEE-PEE-AY connection if you’re away from your WHY-FI.
Double post but I couldn’t help it! (sorry for bad language but it is topical at least!)
KR – “What do you think about that massive political s***storm?”
SC – “f***ing fantastic”
Julia Bishop (somewhere in background) – “Your language is highly inappropriate!!”
Rudd: Stephen, for dropping the f-bomb on TV I’m going to bend you over like this! Only I get to swear on live TV!
KR What you really need for the Mazda Stephen is a DVB-T Resun’s a good brand, EB model, I think, it’s about this wide…
Got the new 3D TV, it was like a private lap dance.
Biiiiiig bada-boom.
Rudd: Look Steve, I’ve got the whole world in my hands!
Conroy: Do share!..
Conroy: “She’s turned her back on you because you stole her Nail Polish.”
Rudd: “I didn’t steal it. It’s in my pocket. I’ll give it back as soon as my nails are dry!”
KR: This iswhat I think of your NBN idea *gestures small*
SC: Oh no you didn’t!
Rudd: “Was watching the cricket classic catches on the NBN using live streaming technology. This is my version of the classic clanger!”
Conroy: “What the?”
Kevin: “I hear Gizmodo wrote an article about that freudian slip of yours at Press Club”
Stephen: “You mean an article that doesn’t include me AND the NBN? Fucking fantastic!”
“Shut up kid, can’t you see I’m trying to get Laurie Oakes’ attention?”
Kevin: There are .xxx domains available now, lot of potential mate.
Conroy: Why do you think I am putting NBN in Australia
Rudd: So anyway I got my nails done and they still aren’t dry.
Conroy: No Way!
Rudd: Yes way, I nearly didn’t have time to get a diagonal striped tie, boy would I have looked foolish.
Conroy: If she was that big it would be [email protected]#ing fantastic
Rudd: Is it bigger than a bread bin?
Conroy: Can I fit it in my mouth?
Kevin: You’re selling internet censorship the wrong way, Stephen. In China, they call it ‘massaging the truth’. You see, like this…
Stephen: ‘Massaging the truth’… That f–king fantastic!
Small typo correction:
Kevin: You’re selling internet censorship the wrong way, Stephen. In China, they call it ‘massaging the truth’. You see, like this…
Stephen: ‘Massaging the truth’… That’s f–king fantastic!”
Kevin: Now, Imagine this… some magical way of shifting information around the entire globe…
Conroy: IMPOSSIBLE!
Kevin trys outs the hands free feature of the new iPhone.
Another broken screen – it is siri-sly time to switch to Android
K Rudd: Have you seen Therese’s, their quite a handfull
SC: How’s the new iPhone?
KR: Even with the new A5 chip, iOS 5, and cloud, Siri’s huge brain still cant find a way of getting my old job back.
(discounted the nametags as words)
KR: When you’re talking about booty down my way over a scone or two, we’re talking this big.
SC: That’s fucking fantastic.
“well when i was in new york the biggest set at the club was about this but i got the smallest one in the group”
Re-entry to fit within the word count!
Poor Conroy found out fishing involved more than sailing past the phish with a piece of string – you had to hit them with detailed programmatic specificity first!
Oops, edit:
Poor Conroy found out catching phish involved more than sailing right past while dangling a string – you had to hit them with detailed programmatic specificity first.
One more edit because I suck like that:
Poor Conroy found out catching phish involved more than sailing right past while dangling a string – you had to bait them with detailed programmatic specificity first.
By personifying one himself, Kevin Rudd was able to demonstrate to Senator Conroy that an internet filter could also slow down WiFi access, even on his beloved iPhone.
Rudd: “Hey Stephen, get this: One day, an elephant, a cockatoo, and an NBN technician walk into a bar…”
Conroy: “What is this, a joke?”
Kevin: You realise your filter could block 3D adult entertainment..?
K: New funding for online 3D “education”. Think about it the potential…
K: ..You think surgeons will benefit from the NBN?
Conroy: You mean th-
K: Yup.
Rudd: I went to check out the HTC Sensation and I swear it was like this big.
Conroy: Ahhhh it must be awesome like an ice cream sandwich.
Kevin Rudd: Remember when computers where about this size?
Steven Conroy: Wait computers are smaller than that?
Kevin Rudd: I’m guessing you have never heard of a smartphone then….
When I do this with my robe on apprentice – the blue sparks erupt from my fingers and go everywhere….
KR: No. I agree that “carbon fibre nano tubes” should be on the filter but you have to take off “latex allergy”
SC: ‘I dunno’
KR: Seriously it’s for gloves!
Rudd: My NBN is like this much bigger than yours! Serious.
Conroy: If goes down, that’s f***ing fantastic!!
Rudd: “Drop one more F-bomb on TV and I will force choke you like Vader”
Conroy: “i said duck… I wanted the duck… not the beef.. Sorry Kev, it wont happen again”
OK folks, that’s the deadline — no more entries please!
When do you think you’ll announce the winner?
Using elaborate gestures, Rudd was able to create enough distraction to slyly pollute the red tie convention. Phase 1 …. complete.
Damnit! I only found out about this competition like 5 minutes ago, and I’m three hours past the deadline! NOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooo…
Rudd: I saw boobs on the Internet this big last night
Conroy: WHAT the firewall does not work!!!!!!!!
Conroy: “So I’m trying to figure out where I should draw the line on censorship. What do you think, Big Kev?”
Rudd: “I use Therese as my benchmark, and she’s… this big”
Oops, didn’t realise the deadline. Oh well, hope it got a laugh anyway.
Can you imagine apple showed me a prototype of iphone 5 this big.
No freaking way.
Kevin: And then i saw these two wonderful lovely beauutiful perky white deliciousness in front me and said to myself i must ha…
-Interrupted by Stephen-
Stephen: WE ALL HAVE HAVE THE SAME TIES? ITS CHRISTMAS IN AUSTRALIA!!