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Improve Your Listening by Mirroring Gestures
Posted by Kevin Purdy at 7:25 AM on May 14, 2008
Failing to listen during an important conversation not only requires you to ask questions later, it can give off the impression of not caring, even if it's really just bad habits. Workplace consultant Gretchen Neels tells the New York Times' Shifting Careers blog that subtly "mirroring" the gestures of the person you're listening to—they lean their head to the left, you lean to the right—can push your brain into listening and leave a reassuring impression.
While this might sound odd, apparently this kind of activity puts you into the same groove. Ms. Neels says that if you are with friends and feeling very connected, you are probably mirroring each other's body language since it's something people automatically do in situations where they are comfortable.
Not a bad trick, but you might want to practice it on a spouse or a friend who can laugh at you first. How do you force yourself into receptive listening if it's not in the cards for that moment? Share your tips in the comments. Photo by b d solis.
Comments (AU Comments · US Comments)
Suwandy
Posted May 14, 2008 10:46 AM
Finally, a hack about listening.
One of the tip I tried to share with a lot of people about listening is to try to make sure that you're following up with the conversation and that you actually understood what the other person is saying.
You can do this by repeating what your friend said before and asking for confirmation. Do this even if you are sure that you understand what they are saying. The benefit is that when you repeat it, many times it helps for you to catch any 'between the lines' message that may not be clear at first.
And also for the other person to have a feeling of being appreciated and that you actually care to listen to what they say.
thegrumpyadmin
Posted 11:22 PM 13/5/08
I mirror other peoples gestures in traffic sometimes.....
-thegrumpyadmin.com
thegrumpyadmin
witeowl
Posted 11:04 PM 13/5/08
This is a technique I first learned about during a brief stint in car sales. It works when done properly. The trick is to be subtle enough that the other person doesn't notice the mirroring. Overall posture mirroring is also important.
Another quick way to relate to your customer/client/interviewer is to match their speech. Not literally, of course, but mirror their level of speech. If they're using formal speech, for example, bump yours up.
witeowl
ww2db.com
Posted 11:46 PM 13/5/08
This is new to me... very interesting. I'll be copying my boss' gesture today to test it out ^_^
ww2db.com
trumpetfalcon
Posted 11:45 PM 13/5/08
Drew Carey pulled this gag on his show several years ago. He decided that he would impress a girl by mirroring her gestures. It worked until she began to speak... with a lisp.
Quite funny. Don't OVERTLY mirror people.
trumpetfalcon
theformatter
Posted 12:23 AM 14/5/08
My kids do this all the time.
Eventually one of them finally gets p.o.'ed and ends up clobbering the other......
theformatter
dmarymac
Posted 12:20 AM 14/5/08
so, what if you are too busy mirroring to actually listen to what they have to say?
dmarymac
Sockatume
Posted 11:54 PM 13/5/08
Derren Brown writes about this in "Tricks of the Mind", as something that NLP advocates are quite fond of. He warns that if you do it in a very deliberate fashion you come across as profoundly creepy, but that on the whole it's not a bad idea.
Sockatume
Steve Zenone
Posted 1:13 AM 14/5/08
People like people who are like them. I've notice on a continual basis while people watching that those who are getting on well end up matching body postures and gestures. They'll both lean forward or lean back. Sometimes their body postures look almost identical. The same is true with voice tones, volume and speed.
Of course, you want to pace the other person without going over the top where it looks as if you're making fun of them!
[this was investigated back in the 60's by William Condon and he called it 'cultural microrhythms'.]
Steve Zenone
JustinHoMi
Posted 1:01 AM 14/5/08
Hah, funny. I do this instinctively, and I'm constantly trying NOT to do it because I'm self-conscious about it.
JustinHoMi
manahan-the-magnificent
Posted 2:27 AM 14/5/08
+ Watch video
Super piece! Everyone thinks they're a great listener and yet, by definition, most of us are just average at it ...
Bad listening is easier to describe than good listening. My $0.02:
* No empathy / sensitivity
* Interrupting the speaker
* Finishing the speaker's sentences
* Jumping to conclusions
* Missing details
* Visibly inattentive
* Asking no questions
* Closing off the speaker
* Arriving to the discussion with bias/prejudice/pre-conceived ideas
Rowan
[fortifyservices.blogspot.com]
manahan-the-magnificent
h00ligan
Posted 2:50 AM 14/5/08
This is an old technique used to create false empathy and get what you want out of a given situation... sounds like the consultant is recycling age old info in an attempt to sound relevant.
h00ligan
lmb52
Posted 4:22 AM 14/5/08
when i find my mind wandering, i try to repeat the words i hear in my head. It turns into a game of keeping up with my faster talking friends.
lmb52
d_Random
Posted 12:26 AM 14/5/08
An excellent book if you 're interested in the subject of body language is "The Definitive Book of Body Language" by Barbara Pease and Allan Pease.
[www.amazon.com]
d_Random
OrazioAloeus
Posted 4:03 AM 14/5/08
I learnt this the hard way, bu watching other people in conversations. Now I do it almost instinctively, although that's only really when I'm alert.
OrazioAloeus
Popstar Dave
Posted 12:12 AM 15/5/08
Definitely a valid point. If you're interested, have a look at the psychological phenomenon known as the "Chameleon Effect", whereby some people unconsciously mirror the posture of others in order to promote smoother social interactions. On a side note, it's a phenomenon seen more often in extraverted people.
Popstar Dave