twice this year.

in fact, received less than a day after each one looked into my eyes and said - out loud - why they couldn't understand why I was a single guy.

Sushiwriter

@KMT: Oh, and in case the previous post sounded all holier-than-thou, I have dumped (and been dumped) in person/face-to-face too, which were somehow easier breakups. I'm not perfect, and wasn't trying to sound like I think I am...

KMT

I was dumped in a voice mail once and a friend got the SMS dump but refused to accept it and stayed with the girl for another 6 months until he realized he should have left much earlier. The priority list should be as follows:

1. Face to face
2. On the phone
3. Letter/ e-mail
4. Other

you are only allowed to move to the next number if the previous is impossible/ cost prohibitive.

(both of us are better off BTW.... me, married to a GREAT girl...him not to far away. :) )

CaptLonestar

I haven't dumped anyone via text (I don't text), but I have initiated a breakup via email. (None of the survey choices were applicable to me...) Before anyone calls me heartless, bear these things in mind: A) the majority of the relationship transpired via email, B) it was a gut-wrenching, heartfelt, honest email, that to this day, is the longest email I've ever written, and which took the longest amount of time to compose (I chose each word and phrase with great care and deliberated a great deal so that everything was communicated most honestly and accurately) and C) I wouldn't use the word "dumped" for what happened. To me, that word implies something cold, heartless, and careless on the part of the dump-er, while the dump-ee is the victim. The breakup which I initiated via email was very difficult for me, and I hurt knowing that the other person was going to be hurt. (The fact that I still cared about him did not change that I felt the relationship needed to end....)
So, anyway, we need a "via email" category up there on the survey, and "traditional, real-time" methods are not necessarily more heartbreaking....

KMT

Even on lifehacker, 15.1% have dumped/been dumped via text message.

kaushalmodi

I think it's time to put on some Donna Summer.

Gina Trapani, Lifehacker Editor

I was dumped while reading my work e-mail at work. She e-mailed from her work to mine. So I got to share the gem with the other 2 guys in my office (read: room, not building). She since got back with her ex and moved to the (ironically named) Virgin Islands.

Better than a text, but, come on. At least do it on the phone, if not in person.

/Better off by a million years now

Geoff

@TommySez: Agreed.

Sadly I was once on the receiving side of this situation. But I'm over it, I've got much better at home.

Archnemesis_Goldenhair

@TommySez: I kind of agree, but ya know love makes even the most good people do nutty things.

Gina Trapani, Lifehacker Editor

A good friend of mine dumped another good friend of mine via email. It completely ruined my relationship with the dumpee (she couldn't understand how I could remain friends with such a heartless bastard).

JUST SAY NO!

Shannon

If someone's willing to dump you via a text message, you're frankly better off without them.

TommySez

@KMT: Yes, more "traditional" methods can be less heartbreaking, if only because there's a certain finality to being rejected in person (and no, I'd rather not get into a semantics war here, but that's what breaking up a relationship is). However, it's not a matter of which method might be more or less heartbreaking; it's a matter of respect and goddamn human consideration. If this person meant so much to you, then you will go out of your way to make sure that he or she receives the news live and face-to-face. It's the least that anyone deserves, and to do otherwise is to be--quite frankly--inhuman.

JustThisGuy

email is as close as i have come.

jerrt

Who cares? I thought we were internet hipsters who value all types of communication equally? I was unceremoniously dumped via text message earlier this year, and it didn't even occur to me that there was something wrong with that. She had something to say, she said it. End of story.

swalve

I think doing it by text/email/letter is a cop out. At least for me, if I'm breaking up with someone or being broken up with I prefer the respect and decency of being on the phone if not face to face.

lestat730

Moving to another country or faking your own death is always the way to go.

John David

This reminds me of when RadioShack fired a bunch of employees - over e-mail....lol.

ahoier

As a John of some 40 years, I am tired of the Johns always taking the flack. Can't someone else get dumped for a change? Colins would get my vote.

jfh

Man there was once a time when dumping someone over the phone would be considered rude or heartless... now it would be considered a courtesy!

On a related note: article on how to tell if the relationship is over: [www.zen-articles.com]

tang

After reading these, it makes me think about the only two times I've ever been let go.

The better one was (admittedly) a rushed relationship to get into and she just didn't feel anything was really going to happen. So I stayed away for a while and now we're friends. Weird that that kind of thing actually works, but I'm not complaining. And my current girlfriend doesn't care, which is great.

The other, and much worse, one came over the phone. I'd been going out with this girl for around 9 months and thought we were going to try the long distance thing, which had been complicated even more by the fact that my family moved during the summer before I left for college. I went to see her on my way up and things were just as they'd always been. So of course, I have no reason to think otherwise.

Then one day I get a call from her while I'm at college and somehow in a logical way that I can't remember right now she tells me that we're not going out.

But anyway, I really agree with that list above.

waffles

Well, I think it depends on the relationship. If you met online, if it wasn't too serious, it'd be almost expected to end it in an email. I've had a few where when they stopped contacting me I just considered it over.

On the other hand, if the relationship has been mostly face to face, if it's been fairly intimate. It's an insult, cowardly and selfish. I have a fairly recent example of this but it's still pretty raw.

ecmuller

My ex-girlfriend told me sometime during the better days of our relationship that she thinks email is the best way to leave someone. And honestly, I can somewhat see the point: If you're getting dumped face-to-face you will not only suffer getting dumped but also the embarassment of the moment; you will have to suppress your feelings, try to keep your composure, etc... pp. While if you receive this terrible email you can deal with it the way that feels best for you. (And, yes, I followed her wishes.)

Of course this only holds if you check your email mostly at home - getting dumped while at the office is not exactly the nicest way to go.

In any case, however, I have seen many distance relationships where people get dumped at the other person's home. And this, I believe, is far worse than getting dumped via email: You're in a suddenly foreign place, often without friends to go to, far away from home and have to deal with an emotionally challenging situation. So, yes, dumping in person is much better than dumping via email, but only if you do it at _her_ (respectively his) place.

tom.tom.

My ex sat down while I was in the room and wrote me a goodbye letter on paper, with a pen, while I watched. It was heartwrenching. I really appreciated the effort though, plus I saw how difficult it was for her, which really helped me deal with it.

I wrote her a letter back a week later and that was the end.

CWW

I wouldn't take this story too seriously. After all, breaking up is hard to do. Some people simply don't care and others may be too angry, frustrated and hurt to break up with any sense of compassion... if that's possible. By the time the breakup comes to a boiling point one party in the relationship may even be willing to be mean or even hurtful to make it clear they are serious. A text message breakup is rather cold in my opinion but it's also an indication of our technological growing pains. We haven't yet learned to be compassionate and caring with technology in our personal relationships. Then again, a breakup via text does seem to indicate that someone in the relationship had a problem with caring and compassion long before the text was ever delivered.

I do remember a girlfriend I had in the sixth grade. She broke up with me and broke my heart too. She wrote a note to me and gave it to one of her friends to deliver. Hmmm... I realize I misspoke when I answered the survey moments ago. I too was a victim of a text message breakup! I guess things never really change with relationships. The technology just get more sophisticated!

Kodacrome