I was literally just thinking about this. It was in the context of teaching other trainers how to have the same kind of success I have had. I think listening is such a valuable skill. It is 90% of my day and if done properly takes 100% of my attention. Not in a bad way, just in a full way. It has definitely made me successful.

When I listen I notice that it is a full body activity, listening is not something I do with my ears, it is something I do with my being. When I devote my attention to a person who is speaking my mind becomes empty, devoid of my own agenda and full of theirs. The images in my mind's eye are the images they put there and I allow myself to be swept along by them. It is immeasurably pleasurable to do this.

Listening is an intimate act not a mechanical one and allows me to become one with the speaker.

Years ago I was at a party and I was listening to a stranger tell me about his life. I had asked him to do so and was empty, waiting to be filled. He told me about his recent success as a salesman and how the secret he had stumbled upon was a form of full body listening.

He now went to all his meetings with nothing at all, no brief case, no notepad, no computer and surprised all his prospects with his lack of presentation. He simply asked why he was there and how could he help. Then he absorbed the answers and gleaned all the information he needed to determine if his company could completely satisfy all their needs.

His success after that was immense.

Jasoncscs

While summarizing can be helpful, it is often overdone. If have one more person say to me, "So what I hear you saying is...", I swear I will punch them in the gut.

I do have some listening strategies that have worked well for me over the years.

Allow the person an adequate amount of time to finish. So often people jump in and say, "Oh that happened to me!" or "Well, in my case..."

Maintain good eye contact without being weird, and nod every so often so that they know you are paying attention to them and not the person who just walked in, the television set, or whatever.

Align your body language to match the person. I know this sounds a little silly, but it really does work. If the person leans in while they talk, then you lean in while you listen. If they make big gestures, then you make big gestures.

If it appears that the individual is trying to work something out as they speak, then allow them the time to do so. If they get stuck, rather than giving your own $0.02, ask them a question that relates to the eventual outcome that they seek.

gameguy

Great communication goes a long way. Perhaps it's a reflection of my affection for literature, but I highly regard both written and conversational skills. I think they can say so much about a person.

Having said that, I definitely know someone who's a terrible listener. A wonderful examply of a horrible thing! His blank stare just waits for you to stop speaking so he can (re)assert his opinion. He rifles off a succession of snarky dismissives like "cool," "yep" or "give me a call." Then he cuts you off with "frankly, i think (blah blah blah)" and launches into a stubborn narrative. There is no room to share of ideas or invoke true debate. Rather, people endure frustration in the face of his arrogance. His blatant disinterest barely hides his wish that you'll just shut up and leave. Such behaviour is rude, condescending and offensive.

Instead of foolishly assuming that everyone who speaks to me is an imbecile, I prefer to engage in constructive conversation. You can learn so much from the wonderful cross section of people in this world! It's worth asserting an effort to communicate effectively and thoughtfully.

cheesebubble

I had a boss once who was great in talking for 2 hours but almost felt asleep when having to listen for two minutes. His brain obviously only worked while he was talking and when I tried to talk he immediately started yawning at me.
Asking questions and repeating things to ensure you understood it right is a method called "active listening". It might feel a little bit unnatural sometimes but especially during non face-to-face meetings or meetings in foreign language it becomes very important.
Lots of things described above might work in face-to-face meetings where for instance you can observe body language and adapt your own behavior, but those senses go away in a phone call - and we are doing more and more phone calls than personal meetings nowadays - thus you need to focus more on (exact and accurate) wording.

axel_magard

The best article that I have ever read on listening is the one at this link:
[www.cnr.berkeley.edu]
"Empathic Approach: Listening First Aid", by Gregorio Billikopf Encina, University of California
[click on Read complete Article]

It explains empathic listening, in personal and some business situations. Once you learn, understand, and practice the concepts it really can be modified and applied on-the-fly for every situation.

consumerq

Although it's not directly about listening per se, I find the model presented in Crucial Conversations/Confrontations to deal with this quite well.

Summarising and restating is a technique that is only useful if your head is in the right place first. If you already believe that the other person is wrong and has nothing meaningful to say, you'll find that active listening doesn't really help much.

jchyip