My voice mail says my name, company, and then immediately says "Press 1 to bypass this message and leave your own". After that I add all the blah blah blah.

This accomplishes exactly what Kelly wants AND accomodates others who want more info, such as my email address.

robdew

"Hello .... you know what to do and when to do it. Thanks"

pocketpicker

Please please PLEASE

thinkalive

Pet peeves:

1. like vansciver says, post-message automated instructions make me wanna break something. they should atleast start by saying "press 1 to leave a msg" and then give the rest of the fluff. if you can turn off this automated crap, please do.

2. sorry limekiller, but why do you say "you have reached xxx-xxxx"? don't ppl know what number they *just* dialed? besides, if they don't know your voice (potential employer, someone you just met, etc.) then they can't even be sure they have reached the right *person*. just leave a name and say thanks.

soumya.ray

I have verizon and after my message would come someone giving people instructions on how to leave a voicemail! Are people that incompetent? To help people along, my message used to just say "Press the star button to by-pass the voicemail lady and leave a message"

vansciver

My cell phone voicemail greeting is simply "You've reached Kurt's cellphone. Please leave a message. [BEEP]"

The only complaint that I've got is that it could be too short and the caller isn't ready for the BEEP. People expect a longer message, or further minute-eating voicemail robot options after the message. You can tell in some messages that I receive that the caller was caught off-guard and not prepared, which, for me anyways, is moderately entertaining!

LastVigilante

Mine says "Hello", very simple :)! But I guess that does piss off some people. Maybe I should change it....

GeorgiaBoot

Dang straight~! Just say your name so I know I called the right number. Don't appologize for not answering because I know you had something better to do, and as for giving me instructions on how to leave a message after the beep.... even if a computerized womans voice didn't annoying tell you anyway, voicemail has been around since '79. I think we know by now.

Walker

"Hi Sorry not here, leave a message please"

I agree, a long message normally makes just get bored and hang up. I'm more inclined to leave a message if I have less time to wait.

JohnC86

if you leave the beginning of your vm dead air, most ACD's can't tell if its a voice mail or live person and will usually hang up. this works if you pickup the phone and wait 2 seconds before making any noise.

Mike.leger

Mine's about as short as is reassonable. "You've reached xxx-xxxx. Please leave a message."

Limekiller

Since I've had a phone, my message has always simply been "Hi. Leave a message." Never had any complaints.

At work, our phone system only allows us to record our names and the computer takes care of the rest. But I'm sure I'd be similarly brief if given the chance to record my own message.

I have a friend who has a really long message on his phone, and if he doesn't pick up, I just hang up and text him. Perhaps that's a strategic move on his part . . .

SuburbanSocialite

This is Diggity. Leave a message.

Done.

diggity

"Im sure you've done this before"

then they get the beep.

thats it.

nutbastard

Oh, but to be clear that's for my personal voicemail. On my office line I'm OK with just saying my name and #.

Laura

"Hello, hello, this is a phone. Please leave a message, after the tone!"

Lettermaniac

Re why state your phone number rather than your name

1. A surprisingly large number of people dial the wrong number by one or two digits. I get "oops wrong number" hangups all the time.

2. If you are female giving out your name on the phone makes it more likely that you will get nasty anon calls in the future.

I have my # and "Leave a message."

Laura

"This is Wayne Goode. I'm either on the phone or out of the office. Feel free to leave a message."

This may seem a bit picky, but I don't just say 'leave a message' because it's really up to them whether to leave a message, call back or just forget about it.

Wayne Goode

i make mine long so people won't leave me voice mail.

steve w.

Why would I say my phone number on my voicemail greeting? Didn't they call me?

bglav

my voicemail message is like the AOL moviefone message, with a few differences--it asks if you know the name of the movie you'd like to see, and then automatically selects brokeback mountain for you.

due to this, i hardly ever have anyone leave me a voicemail. thank god.

stevegreen

People used to hate me. My message some time ago was a total of forty-some seconds, and involved organ music, intrigue, and the inexplicable appearance of George Washington Carver (Actually, IIRC, the tape the organ music came from was some educational thing about GWC, so that's where it came from.)

Now, it's just a simple "WE'RE NOT HERE!" shouted into the phone.

FLEB

I made my Voice mail for the lolz. I went outside on a windy day, then decided to set up my voicemail.
So once I recorded it, the wind starts geting into the recording, so I figured why not have a few kicks?
From then on , my voice mail is as so "(you know, to make it sounds like I was outside and picked up the phone) Hello?(A breif pause so the person starts talking to my recording) AHAHAHA! Got em! You thought I picked up?! Nonsence! Now leave a message."
And thats about it. I sure ticked off a few freinds. Not to mention I got the same ones over and over agian :p

SonicJ

I once put a message "Not here, message?", and got tons of empty messages...

I love long voice mail messages: this way I get a very few messages, only those really motivated wait till it's over. ^_^

wormz

@counterglow - That's awesome. I have a friend that once had this voicemail message that went.. Hello? in a tone that made you think he was there. Then there'd be a couple seconds pause with a slightly annoyed Hello? and then a couple seconds later another really annoyed sounding Hello? All this time the caller would think the person on the other line just couldn't hear him. The message would eventually tell the person that my friend wasn't home at the moment and ask that they leave a message. Highly annoying - Thankfully this person has finally changed his message.

sonnenkonig

One of my huge pet peeves is all that crap that happens after the message is over... like press 5 to leave a callback number, press 2 to send a numeric page, press 4 to order a coffee from starbucks while I order you a pizza.

enough already, just let me leave my freaking message.

BrandonOBrien

You've reached Dave's machine. If you're a telemarketer, suck my sock.

Counterglow

hi were not available right now so please leave your message after the beep. although i really like pocketpickers's message "Hello .... you know what to do and when to do it. Thanks" I think I'll change mine to that

gothika

I'm also with vansciver, and I'll take it a step further and propose a conspiracy theory. Take note how much airtime the robo-voice eats up after your intended reciever's message, I've timed them and they ALWAYS come out just over a minute, and cell-phone companies round up not down.

just sayin'

jonnypropaganda

"You've reached . Leave a message."

Takes about 2 seconds to listen to. Contrast that to my sister's voicemail.

"Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice mailbox. The caller you are trying to reach: 2-0-2-5-5-5-1-2-1-2 is not available. To leave a voice message, speak after the tone. To leave a callback number, press 1 now. For other delivery options, press 2 after leaving your message. "

I seriously want to throttle whomever thought that message was a goog idea.

srh

I am about to change my voicemail greeting to "Text me."

dorothyshaw

"Hi, I'm not available right now. Leave a message if you want to, and I'll get back to you when I can."

Short without being curt, to the point, accurate, no promises. I don't give my name--you should already know it (?), but I don't care if you don't :D. I don't give the number due to several call forwarding combinations--you got the number you dialed (I hope) and you should already know that, too.

GlennA

Hello...Hello...wait who is this?...Oh hey what's up........ Sorry I'm not here right now press 1 to leave a voice mail or listen to crazy computer lady.

I have gotten so many half messages from telemarketer computers, and numerous messages from my boss pissed of to the max and saying he'd get me back. ( still hasn't happened)

But personally I like short voice mail message like not here, because unless its super important, they don't get one and I wait for a call back.

Bilbs

I had a friend who's message started with loud music and him answering "Hello, hold on let me turn down the music....what...I can't hear you....hahaha...just kidding this is my voice mail." Oh my god! I wanted to kill him. All his message were people cursing him off.

VestedFox

My cell (family & friends) plays whatever classical piece suits my whim of the moment &/or season from quarter to quarter. Ex. TSO's Christmas in Sarajevo last year & Metallica's Revenge of the Sugar Plum Fairy this year.
See, if I gave you my cell, you already know who I am so have no need to be reminded by some voice mail system; you also know to text me instead (especially if it's time critical) as I work in a call center & LOATHE talking on any phone.

My landline - for everyone else - standard came in the box canned greeting.

the_wiggle

My message is: This is Andy, please leave a message.

Long greetings, and long voicemail messages drive me crazy.

Actually, voicemail itself drives me nuts. Send an email for goodness sake! I think maybe I will just change my message to: "Please don't leave a message and send me an email instead."

AndyFromTucson

If you never answer the phone a short "leave a message" is fine because all of your callers expect to leave a message.

Normally, I think a too short message can catch people unprepared to leave a complete message that doesn't waste your time or theirs.

aeronaut

@sourlime: The idea of dated messages is great; however calling the voicemail system every day would get frustrating.

I use a GrandCentral number, and I've just left it on the default: "The GrandCentral subscriber you have called is not available. Please leave a message after the tone." I'm too lazy right now to figure out the difference between "recorded greeting" and "recorded name". :D

voyagerfan5761

For in-office voice mail systems, daily/weekly recordings are great. Something like "You've reached sourlime, it's Thursday November 19th and I'm in the office," or "It's the week of November 12th; I will be in the office excepting Friday November 20th," or even "It's Tuesday November 19th and I'm in meetings all day." But, you know, a little less off the cuff than that.

I use this all the time to gauge whether I should leave a message or if it makes more sense to try an alternative way to finish the task. Generic office messages don't give me any information at all, other than that I got the person's voice mail. Plus, people are much less frustrated when you don't return their call asap if your message warns for it. I recommend using this method even if you *are* there - having the date gives the impression that you're organized and on the ball.

sourlime

My favorite, from Rent: "Speeeeeeeeeeeeak. (Beep)."

Gina Trapani, Lifehacker Editor

ALRIGHT! do you really, really need to tell the person to leave a message?

im sure they're aware of how phones, voicemail and answering machines work. they called you didn't they? who the hell hangs on the line like - "i dont know what to do! it beeped and now im totally lost!"

nutbastard

There was an article somewhere recently that said that people don't use voicemail, and don't expect people to use voicemail, the way it was intended anymore. Since it leaves a call back number automatically, people actually are treating it like a pager. Pretty interesting. I know that I generally call someone back first, even if they left a voice mail.

Grungydan

Mine home machine sez:

You have reached 555-5555, please leave a message.

I say my number because some people misdial.

RunnerGirl

gah! my dad's is sooo long, like a minute. I'm too lazy to type it all... Mine's going to be:

Hello, You've reached (Telephone #) please go away... no, leave a short message

nikoPSK

I had one of those short, "you've reached ___, leave a message" ones on my home phone but now that I have Grand Central, I'll have to lengthen it. It picks up too fast and so it stops ringing the other phones after 2 rings. Pity.

MagicJewball

Hello?... How's it going?... Sorry, what was that?... Please leave message. - BEEP
Get's those suckers everytime.

Mic Check ... 2 3

I signed up with youmail.com for this specific purpose. Aside from a lot of other cool things, it cuts out the annoying lady for anyone calling my phone, and those that call my phone the most often, I can even leave them a personal message that says, "Hey Chad, leave a message" (or whoever is calling). It's easier on everyone. I'm pretty sure that I heard about this service on lifehacker.

dansage

My (personal) voice message in its entirety:

"Hi, this is Chris. Leave a message."

My work one is a bit more detailed.

HeartBurnKid

My message is "Hi this is Mark. Please speak so I can screen your call and decide if I want to talk to you". You can't believe how much this really riles my mother. When I am out, she is convinced I am actually there. So I come home and I have to listen to her all hysterical on the machine "I KNOW YOU'RE THERE!!"

Mark

733mhz 1gb ram ubuntu box with a modem and vocp - all free except for the $15 modem - cooked my own IVR and now when people call they get "to leave a message for xxx, press 1, for yyy, press 2, for all other calls or if you are not sure, please wait on the line"

i then loop an mp3 (acoustic set of johnathan coulton code monkey, natch). my friends, family and everyone else i know and care about knows to hit 1 or 2. anyone else (i.e., telemarketers) goes into an mp3 loop that never ends. Most autodialers don't switch over to the live person until a solid 3-5 seconds after first voice contact, so they mostly miss the instructions and must wait, leaving me telemarketer voicemail free!

TechTalk

One thing I like about Grand Central is that I can leave warm, loveydovey messages for my family, friendly yet casual messages for friends, and "show me the money" messages for certain business calls. You can even tailor ONE message for one person. I could get really carried away.

Since I never dared leave a warm, lovey message on my regular phone before, I'm amazed the effect it's had on my family and best friends. They like to call me just to feel the vibe. I don't say anything that exotic, it's just that I'm smiling and thinking of them as I speak, and it really carries across.

Susie Bright

@robdew: I reverse the order on my cell phone: "Press star to skip this greeting. You've reached the voice mail box of yada yada blah blah."

I also used to use "Hello? [pause to wait for caller] Oh, he's not available right now; please leave a message."

snicker!

Posco Grubb

I use YouMail with my cellphone, and I created personal greetings for all my friends, and that really freaks them out when the message says, "Hey Patty..." I don't need to say who I am or what my # is, they know that. Some I tell to text me and others I say to leave a message. I also do this with GrandCentral with the "school" number. I leave detailed messages for different groups of students. They need lots of instruction, like leave your name AND number and class you are in when you leave a message. With 150 students I'm not going to know who Bob is.

dr.coop

Taken from a memo sent from my former division-head:

Voicemail -
Minimum information:
• Your name, [company name], and the department or business unit name
• Whether you are in the office or not
• If you are not available, when you will be available
• Who to contact in your absence
• An alternative contact number for immediate assistance (e.g., cell phone number, pager number, admin, back-up, etc.)

Notes:
- Acknowledge receipt of voicemail messages within one hour.
- If you are going to be away from your desk for more than two hours, update your voicemail greeting to reflect when you will return.
- Use the "extended absence" voicemail feature for extended absences.
- Voicemail inboxes to always be available to accept messages (i.e., no full inboxes).
- Team members to not use the "name only" voicemail greeting feature.

(Yes, you read that right, if you're tied up for more than 2 hours, you have to update your outgoing message)

PatrickSF

About as short as you can get. Zilch, nada, absolute silence. Voice mail? What's that?? Some new fangled 21st century rubbish? I hate speaking to damn machines so why should I put my friends through that trauma. If I don't answer the damn phone it's cos I'm not available. Urgent? They'll ring again. /rant

OzTardis

"You've reached Kerry's voicemail, please leave a message." I have the same thing set for my cell phone and my grand central number. At home it's a variation, with my phone number in place of the name (and "answering machine," instead of "voicemail.")

kerry

For my voicemail message, I always just say my name, but in an extremely perky fashion. Whee!

virtualcourtney

I am sorry that I am unable to take your call but I am either on the phone or away from my desk. If you'd like to leave a message, you can do so at the tone and I will return your call as soon as possible.. and thank you for calling Johnniewalker-Black.

Don't most people know you can hit the # key to skip a message? I haven't heard anything negative about my message, only positive.

johnniewalker

@srh, @vansciver, @BrandonOBrien: I hate that lady that tells us how to leave a message after our greeting. Every time I talk to Verizon customer care I request an option to turn the blasted thing it off. People know how to leave messages by now.
Because she's already wasting so much time, I have switched to a name-only greeting.

Equis

Short and sweet: You have reached craftygirl at xyz company. Please leave a message. (I figure that takes care of misdials, etc.)

Personal phone is similar - but I may try that grand central custom message thing - that's pretty fun.

craftygirl

We used to have this fabulous answering machine. Besides reading the incoming number out loud, it let you record different messages for different kinds of incoming calls. The "unknown" or "blocked" ones would get "We screen all blocked and anonymous calls. If you don't talk, we don't answer."

Unfortunately, eventually the machine croaked and we haven't been able to find anything anywhere that useful since.

We used to have a phone number that was way too easy for people to misdial. It was our second line that was almost 100% used only by the modem. Eventually I had my son, who is 6'7" and has a very deep voice, record the message, in his lowest register: YOU'VE GOT THE WRONG NUMBER. TRUST ME.

Combining an answering machine that reads you the incoming number with a Caller ID box that can be set to reject any phone number leads to far fewer annoying calls. Those Caller ID boxes are worth their weight in gold. And of course they've long since been discontinued.

infmom

Hmm, some characters got cut away in my previous comment. This is what it should have read: "This mailbox of the <YOUR NAME> is. Message after the your leave beep."

Also, beginning your message with a "Ha" or "Hello" (even if you continue explaining you're not there after that) is extremely annoying, because it makes the caller think you're actually there.

Remko Tronçon

"This mailbox of the is. Message after the your leave beep." (*beep*)

Sure, it's longer, but I say it fast (making it even more confusing).

Remko Tronçon

On work line, I mention my name and department, since I receive so many calls from people who don't personally know me.

On my personal line, I use the system's default prerecorded message which totally anonymizes my phone.

cv

I don't ever leave my name on my home phone answering machine, because I don't want to give it out. I do leave my number though so that friends who were legitimately trying to get me know it's me.

Mine says "this is xxxxxx, please leave a message"
Seems to work.

TheFionut

@infmom: I like the idea of having your son do that. I'll bet people who call it now hang up in fear. :P Deep voices have strong connotations.

@Remko Tronçon: "<YOUR NAME>" must have been removed because you forgot to escape the < and > the first time. And I have a friend whose greeting starts with "Hello," followed by about three seconds of silence, and I swear I fall for it every time, still. Speaking of things that drive you nuts...

voyagerfan5761

Heck, I don't even say anything. I just use my service's standard message and to be honest, I'm not even sure what that is. I've never gotten any complaints though and trust me, my friends and family would say something if it was annoying.

magnoliasouth

I have to agree that a long message really bothers me. Though my friends really does get me grinning.

"Hey this is Psycho. Obviously I'm not around my phone leave a message and eeeeeeeh, if you're worth it I'll call ya back if not, don't hold your breath."

Mine's much more simple.

"Hey, It's Shade. You know the drill."

nightshade

Without giving out too much info, at least say your first name or something in your voice so those who know you can at least feel confident they're leaving that PG13 message for the right person. I've found people uneasy with the stock computer voice since they can't tell who they called or wonder if you've moved.

lartist

for a long time my personal vm said --

'im not answering because i dont want to talk to you. leave a message & maybe i will call you back.'

now it just beeps.

work = 'you've reached xxx-xxxx, please leave a message'

more often that not, simply hitting * or # will bypass the message & let you start recording immediately. although one of those is usually the 'i am the owner' keys as well. its worth trying though, especially for those people you call with annoyingly long messages.

3ZKL

@Equis:

I second that. I hate the damned prompt after your personal greeting -- that is little more than a spurious 30-second lecture on either leaving a message or leaving your phone number.

I've gotten to the point of starting off my voicemail greeting with "to skip to the tone and leave a message, press pound (for my cell) or press "1" (for my work)." That way, I'm not wasting the time of people who call and simply want to leave a message.

I used to be one of those people who would have an annoyingly long voice mail prompt and/or answering machine message. Nowadays, I like to keep them as short and sweet as possible.

My best answering machine message ever was when I started my greeting with the "three tones" that usually precede the phone company's recorded message that a number was not in service or "all circuits are busy now". That was annoying to more than a few people, especially folks from work who'd try to call me...

vanillacokehead

[in a pseudo movie guy voice]: "In a world where Jeff is currently unavailable, your message is the key to successful communication."

Jeff

Oooh, I would fail. " *Soft Music* Hey this is chase's dating service. Please leave your name and number and i'll get back to you. *Soft Music* "

chasema

"When it beeps, speak"

devnull

Mine just says "Leave your message". I don't want to leave my name or number, and a silent outgoing message would just confuse people. I get a fair number of hangups and some interesting messages, but I get to keep my anonymity while still being identifiable by my friends and family.

thesteve

I'll shorten my outbound message when my inbound messages just get to the $@&! point!

kc2idf

"Unfortunately I can't take your call right now, but if you leave your name and number after the beep, I'll get back to you as soon as possible. If this is an emergency, please hang up and dial 911."

fluxrad

Why... WHY... WHY do cell phone companies insist on tacking the damn voicemail instructions on to the end of the message. It's completely maddening...

Derek

I use one of lifehacker's own tips: [lifehacker.com]
My message begins with: "Press 7 to skip to the beep."
Followed by: "This is xxx-xxxx, leave a message."
I really want it to be...
"The number you have reached is disconnected and no longer in service. If you feel you have reached this message in error, go with it. Hang up on 3. One, two... *beep*"
/House

Klink

@morganlh85: "Please listen carefully as the following options have changed (meanwhile it was changed about 3 years ago...)"

I hate that sooo much. I actually started keeping track. I haven't called a single company in the last 6 months that didn't have that on their auto-attendant message.

My company just put in a new phone system, and thankfully we (the IT department) convinced them not to put that on there.

Indecision

They need to give similar instructions to BUSINESS voicemails, you know the ones you call that direct you to certain lines or whatever. "Hello. Thank you for calling XYZ Business. Please listen carefully as the following options have changed (meanwhile it was changed about 3 years ago...)

morganlh85

For the office, it's "You've reached MameDennis. Please leave your name and number, and I'll get back to you as soon as possible." (Upside? Quick greeting. Downside? Older people take it VERY LITERALLY and leave their name, number, and no details.)

For my cell, I have "This is Mame--please leave a message." (It used to be simply "Leave a message." Unfortunately, there's a house appraiser with a number close to mine, and I was always getting misdirected voicemails.)

For the landline, I kept the default recorded message--something along the lines of "Your call is being routed to an automated voice messaging system. 123-456-7890 is not available. Please leave a message". (I don't want my name or voice on the home message, partially because--no kidding--I keep getting calls from some guy in the county jail.)

MameDennis

ours is "you have reached [our number]. you can leave a message, or call our cell at [cell number]."

nekochan

I am forced to leave a long greeting because idiots won't stop calling me trying to get a hold of the guy who had the number before me.

I had to track down this guys number, make the voice greeting tell the caller I am me, not this other guy, and to call the other guy if you need to reach him.

"Hi, I reached the voice-mail box of 'Blah Blah', if you would like to reach 'Old Guy', please call him at 123-987-456, to leave a message for 'Blah', please do so now."

lastfm

Mines "[Recorded BEEP} They start talking..." Then the real BEEP starts.

bloody0986

Plain and simple "You know what to do. Thanks!"
Unfortunately I must have a default message at work changing only name, number and Unit.

dbruce

You have reached the right number at the wrong time. Please leave your name and message and I'll get back to you soon.

Yay me.

deleet

When I had an actual machine, my longstanding message was (read in the voice of Nipsey Russell): "You've reached my machine, you know the routine. When you hear the ding, do your thing."

piminnowcheez

You know, I've always kind of wanted to borrow The Joker's answering machine message from the Batman cartoon, but I never could bring myself to do it. "Boy, did you ever get a wrong number! Leave your message at the sound of the shriek! (sound of someone screaming in pain)"

HeartBurnKid

Before I got married, everyone who had a legitimate need to contact me had my cell number. Same thing was true for my roommates. Our apartment complex "provided" a landline (we had no choice, it came with the lease). We all knew we didn't want to talk with anyone who called the landline. Our message:
This is [insert our names]. If we like you, you have our cell phone numbers. Call them. Bye.

My personal message: This is Vince. Leave a message and I'll get back to you.

bigvince1981

@nightshade: I like your friend's message. That's good! Wonder if anyone's done a Hannibal Lecter message... :D

@Jeff: You just reminded me of those Geico commercials with the movie announcer. More funny. :)

@Derek: Maybe they're hoping people will get frustrated with the long messages and give up, leaving them to deal with fewer messages for storage...

@Klink: I did not know about that Lifehacker article. Thanks for the link! The countdown message would be amusing, but you might get some annoyed messages. It'd be worth it, though.

voyagerfan5761

A friend of mine (who also works in information security) had a greeting on his home voicemail that said only "Leave your name, address, and social security number. I'll take care of the rest." Without knowing his voice, you wouldn't event be sure that you got the right number. He reported that "lots" of people would actually leave their SSNs on his voicemail.

cmcurtin

Could LH do a poll as to which providers allow you to bypass annoying after-beep "Instructions"? And what number you press to skip to the beep (so we can dedicate to memory the most common)?:

Bypass Instructions:
Sprint=Yes press 3,2,1,3

Skip to beep:
Sprint=1

I fell in love with Grand Central and decided that it is the best thing to ever happen to phones (thanks LH!). If somebody calls my cell my greeting goes:

"My new Number is 502-XXX-XXXX. The number you are calling is no longer used. Messages will not be read." then the GC# again. I got my outgoing caller ID blocked in hopes more people will use my GC#. I just wish I could make outgoing calls FROM my GC# w/o a data plan. Or internet connection (when I'm out and about)

My GC Message goes:
"Please leave a message for Amy and Ed Smith." (not real names)

Sounds really simple but it was well thought out. Start with please b/c I hate hangups, then names so they know they have the right number. I kept it short so that if they are not quick they wont have time to hang up, might be caught off guard, and will have to think of a message real quick.

It may also be usefull to mention that if you leave a message on someones VM that is.. stupid, you can hit # and most Cell or Home VM systems will allow you to re-record your message until you get it right(read: Most "tape" answer machines, the kind where instead of calling a number to check messages, you just hit a button , will not allow this).

L4zFi5H3N7

yknow, it's not *my* message that's long, it's the cell phone provider's pre-recorded message after my message that's long and annoying:
"At the tone please record your message. When you are finished with your message you can hang up or press pound for more option. To leave a callback number, press 1."

I've gotten a few complaints about it and that's a few too many.

atomicrabbit

Back when I was young and inventive, I modified (or maybe hacked ;) ) an answering machine joke to my Cell voice mail:

"Hi, this is Joe's Wallet. Joe's Phone is broken, so I'm filling in right now. If you leave your name, number and a message - really slowly! - I'll write them on the back of a scrap of paper and Joe will probably see them sometime in the future when he's going to pay for something. If you're really lucky it won't be too late for him to do something about what ever it is."

Then, for a while I had a version of (Jim Carrey's) the Grinch's message:

"Leave a message at the beep, or I'LL RIP OFF YOUR LEGS!" (or something like that)

but people got the wrong idea from that one...

Joe.Andersen

I use the corporate mandated message of:

Thank you for calling (company name). You have reached the desk of (associate name) and this message is for the week of (day & date). I will be in office all week but am currently unavailable to take your call. Please leave your name, telephone number and a brief message and I will return your call before the end of business today. If you require immediate assistance, please dial "0" and your call will be routed to the (company name) operator. Thank you and have a nice day.

bricem

I agree with this in theory. a few seconds is reasonable. A little more than "vince - 212 555 121." - but - a whole lot less than I get on a number of other peoples voicemails.

WHATS WITH THE INSTRUCTIONS?!
thats a big pet peeve of mine recently. "Hi. I am unavaialble to answer your call right now, but leave a message after the tone and I will return your call. Please make sure to read your number slowly and clearly" beeeeep

automated attendant follow up: to leave a message, press one or wait for the tone. to page this user, press 2. to get to an operator press zero.

---- STOP.

you just wasted 2 minutes of my time? why?! why are you telling me what happens if I leave a message?! isnt this now an accepted convention?! you know, leave a message and someone will call you back?

the phone number thing is annoying as well - butI know that its the result of countless clewbies leaving thier numbers in the fastest way possible.

Then, after all of that - you have to listen to an automated attendant give options. WHY ARE THIER OPTIONS?!?!?!?! why cant I just get to them by hitting *?!?!

unfugginbelievable.

actionvance

I once used my computer and recorded a wave file. I used the Microsoft Sam Text-To-Speech Reader. It had a neat sounding robot voice that I needed for my message.

I had its say "Hello. Steves answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please leave a message and I'll stick it to myself with one of these magnets. Thank you and have a good day."

I received alot of laughs, but It did grow tiresome after awhile. Now I use the short and sweet "Hi. It's Steve, please leave a message.".

StokerAce

With Verizon's VM, you can hit 1 immediately to go straight to the beep...

oned