Cancelling social plans is the ultimate in self-gratification — first you got high off the plans, then you got high off the freedom. But sometimes you leave the other person annoyed and betrayed. So whenever you cancel on someone, make sure to immediately make new plans with them, says redditor DevotedlyHopeless in a post on /r/LifeProTips. Here are some more tactics for cancelling without being a flake.
Be honest, kinda
If you’re cancelling because you’re just not in the mood, it’s OK to admit that. There’s an obvious limit: you can’t say “I realised I hate spending time with you.” But when cancelling on a real friend, redditor ReelGeizt suggests saying something like, “Hey man look, I know it sucks but I am just not in the mood to meet up today.” The emotional honesty reinforces that you do care about this person, which softens the blow of the canceled plan. Plus you’ll feel better for not lying.
Still give as much notice as you can, and still be apologetic, and still make new plans. Don’t do this as an excuse to cancel on actually important plans; you don’t get to skip a funeral because you’re hungover. And if this kind of cancelation becomes a frequent habit, you’re making too many plans; see below.
Come prepared with a new plan
It’s a generally accepted social behaviour that people sometimes cancel plans because they regret making them in the first place. People know this, so when you cancel on them, they worry you were stringing them along the whole time. So when you’re not doing that — even if you never do that — you need to prove it by initiating a reschedule, to demonstrate your sincerity.
Make less ambitious plans
Immediate rescheduling has a practical advantage: This is a good moment to see what went wrong, and reschedule for a place and time that’s less problematic.
Maybe a dinner date needs a downgrade to drinks. Maybe a group outing needs a downgrade to one-on-one time. Maybe working together on a project needs to just be an aimless hangout instead.
Maybe you’re being too optimistic about travel times, or you forget that you’re always wiped out after work, or that you honestly are never going to drive to the suburbs no matter how much you plan to.
Responsible people often aren’t working any harder than flakes; they’re just more realistic about their capabilities.
Batch your cancellations
To be less flaky, cancel as soon as possible. One helpful tactic is to look at your week during the preceding weekend, and determine which plans need to be canceled. Often you can already tell that you’ll be too wiped out for that show on Thursday, or that there’s no way you’ll make it to all three parties on Friday. Make all your cancellations ahead of time. This also makes it easier to reschedule, since you’re not currently busy with whatever was going to make you cancel plans in the first place.
If you’re the one always getting canceled on, then do this in reverse, as redditor RESET-REWIND suggests. A few days before each plan, do a check-in. “Still on for Wednesday?” You might open yourself up to even more cancelations, but this way you’ll have more time to make new plans.
The thousand comments in the original Reddit thread express a full range of opinions, from “I have never canceled a plan in my life, I am made of calendars” to “Why are women so afraid to reject men, other than getting murdered?” to “Time is an illusion, I just triple-booked my own wedding.” I’m exaggerating a touch. But wherever you are on the plan-cancellation spectrum, you’re not the worst. And you could always improve.
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